Two strands of hair blowing in the wind,
Intertwining
Two figures dancing on the floor,
Lights flashing over their glistening skin
Two people holding each other,
Never wanting to let go
Two friends sitting on a couch,
Telling each other their secrets
You said if I fell you'd catch me,
You told me to trust you
You said if I fell you'd catch me,
You told me to jump
You said if I fell you'd catch me,
And we'd always be together
My feet running,
The wind blowing in my hair,
The edge approaching,
My legs lifting into the air
Falling, falling, falling…
But in the end you turned away
You said if I fell you'd catch me,
But in the end you never did
Falling to my death
(I wrote this awhile back and then just kinda forgot about it. It's a strange little poem because it found itself into my head fully formed one night and that doesn't happen all that often. This poem is a variation of a short poem I wrote even longer ago that went: "You said if I jumped, That you would catch me, But when I finally did, You turned away, And let me fall." Well it's found a new home in this strange rambling poem that I think has some good merits, but as always, I leave that up to your own judgment. Tell me what you think.)
It certainly is easy to fall for someone else over expectations that may not be true. But when someone seems sincere in declaring love, and then betrays that sincerity, it certainly is "a little death." But it may also be a learning experience leading to a better life afterword. As we grow older and are more experienced, we don't fall as easily or get hurt so much when our expectations are not met.
By using that phrase at the end, I think you really felt the knife of betrayal and actually thought it would be your death. The poem was a kind of suicide note that fortunately, you had the strength to not carry out. But we readers seem to love unrequited love from Romeo and Juliet onward. We can't seem to get enough of betrayal pain and misery as long as it doesn't happen to us. ;-)
Loved this new posting very much, I'm with John on the early passages, but people do die, all of us, so why hide that fact. This is a fantastic bit of writing.
I really like the beginning and the body of this poem. I think the end should say, "I nearly died" because gratefully you are still with us. Then I would enjoy it more knowing that. You know what I mean? OK
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By using that phrase at the end, I think you really felt the knife of betrayal and actually thought it would be your death. The poem was a kind of suicide note that fortunately, you had the strength to not carry out. But we readers seem to love unrequited love from Romeo and Juliet onward. We can't seem to get enough of betrayal pain and misery as long as it doesn't happen to us. ;-)
Ron