(Inspired by FINAL DESTINATION 2)

Let the Traffic Cop of Eternity
Show you what's waiting
Just down the road
Where ALL SOULS MUST EXIT
Off you go...

The lottery winner
has just won
the Surprise Prize...
A fire escape ladder
through the eye.
It looks too fast for pain
Much better than, say,
roasting to death in your car.

A plate-glass window
Falls from ten floors up
Crushes your own son to jelly
Right before your eyes
Mind-numbing horror, yes
But now you don't have to worry
About him marrying the wrong girl.
If it's any consolation, remember
It was too fast for pain.

Another girl was panicking
Just a second ago
With the jaws of life inches away.
Now, with a
Pipe through her forehead
Her worries are over.
Her face is frozen with calm
Or maybe it's awe.
Either way, you know it was
Too fast for pain.

Barbed-wire fence
Through the neck and waist
Like a horizontal guillotine
Watch a stoner slide apart
Maybe that one's not
Too fast for pain
But still fine by me
A spectacular exit from the world
The stuff of legends:
"Did you SEE that--Can ya BELIEVE that-"
Much better than
A bullet in the stomach, for example.

When the Traffic Cop of Eternity
Pulls ME over
I hope it's from
Coronary Arrest
From a Menage-A-Trois.
Perhaps it won't be up to me.
Otherwise
If it be Thy Will
Make my offramp
Too fast for pain.