All I really want is to be me---
crawl out of the innocent shell that was disguise for so long and reveal who I really am.

They say all work and no play makes you dull and your days grey, but I wouldn't know.

You see, I play when the lights dim and the curtains close, when it's easier for me to have my way unexposed.

I don't talk about it, because words are cheap and even the biggest liar can heap up fictitious tales. I prefer to be that one who lives daily in the public and protects my privacy in order to enjoy a measure of sanity.

Do you really need to see it all?

Over the years I have peeled back the layers just to reveal a glimpse to tease you...
If I hadn't done it this way,then I would be afraid that the full transformation would be too much for you. It would be for me...

Can you handle it?

I grew up a boy made to feel as though I wasn't tough enough and that my voice and style weren't rough or black enough.
A part of me wrestled with fears of obesity, fighting it with laxatives and a occasional finger down my throat to find normalcy--- yet without success.

I used to hate myself,
No I didn't say those words out loud;
but the course I was on seemed to cloud anything that didn't lead to self-destruction.

But at the end of the day, I just wanted to be me---
and that wasn't going to be a possibility until I went back to the basics.

My family was there for me--- trying to show me that they loved and cared for me--- but they didn't always understand even when trying to do the best for me.

It took my hitting my head against the proverbial brick wall to see how easy it could be to lose it all just by not using self-control.

So I had to learn all over again. I had to stop pointing the finger at what so and so had done to me, in order for me to realize the effect that me, myself, and I had on me. It all began and ended with me.

The fight to be me was really with me, and when I realized that--- then I felt a true sincerity with myself. And it came to me that in order to be free, I just had to lift off my own weight and insecurity and live my life the best way I knew how. As me.

I just had to be happy with me.