In the desert:

I loved the ghost ideals
My dreams so strong and rich
They became almost real
Falling in love with family
Trying to spin permanence
That my childhood lacked
I chose to be blind to truth
Instead of looking head on
At this collision of our lives
The wreck we could not look away from
Strong arms that held me through
Years of deaths, losses, growing older
Through raising my daughter
Losing my child-to-be
Were never ever  yours
Even so I chose each day
To keep you close at hand & heart
Letting you into my world as much
As you ever cared to wander
Aching to be really known
Knowing I would be ever overlooked
Searching for the doors and windows
In your walls so that just maybe
I could find you to bring you home 
To see who this man is that I
Carelessly gave my forevers to
For as long as you were present
A beautiful whole family was possible
Though still strictly fiction
Time makes all waters run clear
Dreams unfed cannot linger long
My bed ran cold, time crawled by
Understanding eventually I saw the dawn
Over the dry cracked sandy ground
The desert which I wandered into
To be your wife
The desert of your world, your heart
Has burned away my girlishness
The tenderness of my young flesh
Peeled away, layer by layer, year after year,
The days were scorching, unbearable
Nights chilled to the bone
In the desert with you
I finally learned to be alone 

 © 2000 C. Nichols