October is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH, and in honor of this I wrote this poem last year to describe my experience with Domestic Violence. I am hoping someone will see themselves within these words... and save their life!
JUST BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
Just because I love you
When you took me away from my family and friends,
I needed only you, and loved you with all my heart and soul,
Feeling our love was special and was never going to end.
Just because I love you
When you began to disrespect me, and started calling me names,
I began to believe I was an awful person, not deserving love from others too.
My self esteem was being battered, thinking my work, actions and thoughts were lame.
Just because I love you
I turned a blind eye to your sexual “giving to the needy’,
Which hurt to the core, because my body was given freely only to you.
So whenever you climbed on top of me, I felt always felt dirty, nasty and seedy.
Just because I love you
I did not retaliate when you stabbed me in the breast,
Or threw me down the stairs, or locked me in the back room,
Or put that knife to my throat and raped me, praying to God to put me at rest.
Just because I love you
I made excuses for all my scars, bruises, stress and strife,
Walking constantly on eggshells, so I would not set you off to do
Those things which scared the hell out of me, pleading for my life.
Just because I love you
I still refuse to let anyone talk badly about you to the kids,
Even though you were never there when they most needed you.
To the grave I will take your animosity toward them, for what you never did.
Just because I love you
As the hurt inside began to well up, seeking a place to reside,
Murderous thoughts began running through my mind, to find a way to off you,
Get away with it, or come up with some ingenious plan to run away and hide.
Just because I love you
That night as I watched you sleep, I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a knife,
Came back to our bed, and dreamt what my life would be like, to be FREE of you!
I then placed the knife under my pillow, decided that you are NOT worth jail for my life.
Just because I love you
Doesn’t mean that I will allow you to treat me any old kind of way,
I was not put here to be your doormat, your servant or your fool.
Nor am I going to crumble because you are away, and in jail is where you need to stay.
Just because I love you
Never should we see each other again, from the bottom of my heart, seriously, no play.
Stay out my life, and our children’s as well, no need of contact, be well in all that you do.
So I say GOOD BYE to you, forever and always, so long, starting right now - TODAY!!
There is an emotional cycle in this that is not foreign to others. Trusting another, trusting anyone for that matter, is becoming more and more difficult in this ever-changing society.
Peace to you sis ...
richard
Note: Since my husband's cancer surgery 4/25/05, this book content has been integrated into the public speaking content for audiences interested in a sassy approach to personal and/or community awareness events. Another chapbook on intimate love poet
When two men hit the reset button and decide to go out looking for the good in the world, they not only find it but also a lot more.
P.S. The title is listed on Amazon under Look for Something Good by Robert Drews (not by Robert H. Drews)
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Regis
Peace to you sis ...
richard
ET