Prose on the never ending cycle of painful forgivness.

Another Evening Fighting Unforgiveness

By Samuel Connelly


Making up my mind and choosing to forgive, is an incredibly hard, no, nearly impossible thing to do. When so much has been done wrong, so much hurt and anger, and so many tears that have been cried, forgiveness is the last thing I want to do.

Sometimes just thinking, “What did Jesus do in this circumstance?” is a hard question to ask, because the answer is never going to be one that allows me to stay bitter for too long. The more I fight His Spirit and try to quickly turn the pages of my Bible to avoid reading something that might convict me, the more I know that I am wrong.

Humility is the most painful piece of Character a person can have because it continues to say, “It’s not all about me, it is about building up everyone else.” And, “I prefer you.” At the end of the day it is impossible for me to keep a closed ear to it. It pulls on my heart strings and bids me to come and die to self so I can live in total Truth.

I will forgive. I know that when I lay down to sleep tonight I would have let it all go without holding a grudge no matter how painful and unfair it honestly feels. The reason that I know this is because of all the times I’ve fought through this in the past, just to come to the realization that through obedience and trust, Jesus’ Word always heals.

So here I go again.