What it means to me to have two new brain lesions as of November 10, 2008 (poem) by Rebekah Rosie Lang on AuthorsDen

What it means to me to have two new brain lesions as of November 10, 2008
by Rebekah Rosie Lang → (All Poetry by Rebekah Rosie Lang)
Rated "PG13" by the Author.

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I was up all night in PAIN from Tuesday to Wednesday this past week. I saw the nurse practitioner on Wednesday afternoon. I then got home and slept from 7pm to almost NOON today! I am feeling a bit better now though. I have been ill for weeks since December 14, 2008. Mostly Ear, Nose and Throat problems.
WHAT IT MEANS TO ME TO HAVE TWO NEW BRAIN LESIONS AS OF NOVEMBER 10,2008. It means I am starting the “rounds” again with all my doctors. It means wondering how fast the lesions could grow and if they will. It means future craniotomies with Dr. Samson, chief of neurosurgery. It means telling all my friends, again! It means not going out to dance with new friends I had made. It means pulling out my CD with my brain scan films on it whenever I have to see a doctor. It means telling my story over and over! YUCK! It means worrying if my headaches that are past a 6 on 1-10 scale will ever get the relief needed. It means *MORE PAIN! It means possible Gamma Knife radiation* to *stop growth hopefully! It means staying up all night because the pain is sooo bad! It means my life of doctors and hospitals is NOT OVER YET! It means I am not normal. It means faking a smile when I feel like dying! (That would be tonight-January 20,2009) It means remaking my will. It means my tremor on right side is worse. It means I am so scared-constantly!* It means thanking God each day YET cursing him too for all the pain I have endured and will continue to endure. It means wondering what each day will bring to me-*Pain most likely. It means due to some side affects* I am reminded of the lesions everyday! It means wanting to give up yet wanting to go on with my life as well. It means wondering if the neurosurgeon can remove my lesions if they grow. It means MRI's and MRA's every 6 months now. It means I will hyperventilate inside the MRI machine again! It means getting NO *emotional support* from my Father and Step-Mom. It means I will most likely try to overdose if in a mind-alternating state of consciousness. It means having a part of me enjoy EVERY NEW DAY! It means not wanting to leave Bernie and Ruth. It means I need to get a cat (an animal cat that is) soon. It means waking up from headaches in the middle of the night.(tonight-January 20,2009) It means wondering if life is worth the amount of pain I have been enduring. It means going through many doctors until you finally find the *RIGHT one! It means facing NEW* *side affects* from lesions in the brain. It means loving life and hating it too. It means being scared while waiting for test results but my family does not seem to care. It means being on social security disability since October 1995. It means not being able to bare children (hysterectomy) and wanting to have a child, now. It means having 2 brain diseases: of *migraines* and *hydrocephalus. It means growing up faster than others my age. It means wondering about the “after-life” once I die. It means making more new friends that have brain tumors or lesions in this area. It means realizing I have lived past the time-table given to me. It means on May 5, 2009 I will have been Alive for 20 years*! (First doctor said I would be dead by July of 1991) It means I am tired and wanting some peace. Written by Rebekah (Bek) Lang on Wednesday, January 21, 2009 at 1:30AM. All rights reserved. ©

Reviewed by Barbara Terry

Reviewed on March 15, 2009

Bless you in all that you do, and hopefully the lesions will not grow bigger, I pray that they don't.

May the Lord Jesus bless you, and those whom you love and who love you, and be with you always, and at your side constantly. With much love in my heart, joy to the world, peace on earth & ((((((((((MANY WONDERFUL SISTERLY HUGGGGSSSS)))))))))), your little sister, Barbie

Reviewed by Walt Hardester

Reviewed on January 30, 2009

May you be blessed and comforted in your toughest times ahead.

Walt

Reviewed by Regis Auffray

Reviewed on January 23, 2009

My words are not worthy to comment on what you are going through. I can only pray and wish you healing, Bek; with love and peace,

Regis

Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado

Heartbreaking news; you are in my prayers, sweetie!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Burleson, Karen Lynn. :( >tears! <

Reviewed by Michelle Kidwell Power In The Pen

Reviewed on January 22, 2009

Becka I am praying for you, our family friend was recently diagnosed with stage four bone cancer, again, but we are believing for a healing for her, and I will be praying for a miracle for you as well
In Christs Love
Michelle~

Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce

Doctors often make the wrong conclusions. This is very expressive, and I can feel your pain and your frustrations while reading this poem. I also can read into this that you are a very brave lady for I know you have been battling with this for a long time...and you are still smiling!!!

Hugs,

Sandie Angel :o)