Breaking Wind with Margaret Mitchell

Maggie Mitchell loved her beans,

She had them each and every day.

No meal replete without legumes,

Her guests were subject to their fumes.

A character flaw, most quickly thought,

But none could approach her with rebuke.

Each doctor stumped with such dismay,

Scores treated her, then went on their way.

Alas, poor Maggie was distraught!

Would nothing work to change her plight?

She morosely continued on her book,

But had harsh words for her poor cook!

Then, one Fall evening, cool and clear,

Her butler Rhett left her employ,

Complaining the stink was awful bad;

This final straw left her so sad!

What shall I do, she sobbed aloud?

While finishing up her manuscript.

My friends can’t stand to be around,

And my GI tract just won’t rebound!

With that, she had some deep insight!

I’ll give up beans and dine on fruits!

This diet worked with nary a toot,

Not even a loud or soft-shelled poot!

The lesson here is oh, so clear!

When writing about the Civil War,

Do not eat beans or stinky food

Or your book will end up not so good!

Soon Maggie’s epic topped the list

Of best sellers monumentally writ!

Her recent misfortune now long gone

Like a foul wind blown away at dawn!

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Pootscript: I understand that 'Gone With the Wind' was such a spectacular success that Mitchell briefly considered a sequel, in which her beloved butler (Rhett) returned to proclaim his undying love (probably by saying "Frankly, Scarlett, I don't give a damn (if you reek like ancient rancid SPAM"). [Would the title of this book possibly have been 'Gonorrhea With the Wind'?]