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  Home > Humor > Poetry        Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry        Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

Kalikiano Kalei

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Member Since: Jan, 2008

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Books
· Coruscated Confabulations: Oh! The Humanity!

· Marooned on Moloka'i: Coconuts, Dreams & Death

· Saunas and War Toys

· Falling Off the Mountain (poems)

· Santa Cruz Sargasso, Berkeley Fog (poems)

· U S Chemical and Biological Defense Respirators


Short Stories
· The Jade Compass

· A Plethora of Papas

· A Great Many Moons Ago...

· Catenary Roe, a tail (sic) of Old Monterey

· The Great Venuezuelan Beaver Cheese OODA Loop

· The Saint Valentine's Day Mass Accretion (a short story)

· Everything you know is wrong...(part II)

· Everything you know is wrong...(part1)

· An Arrow for Amaterasu

· Outdoor Bob and the leaf-blower from Hell...


Articles
· Field Notes on the Species 'Homo sapien'

· Iaido: The art of Japanese sword draw...

· Obesity: To be or not to be?

· And now a word from Our Heavenly Host...

· Joseph Pujol, Le Petomane, star of the Moulin Rouge (1887)

· NorCal Coastal Cold Water Reflections, 1989/2007

· The Gold and Azure Frontier

· We the Pimples... (or) a Child's Garden of Constitutional Verses...

· Welcome to Californication, suckers!

· Confessions of a 'Yellow Fever' afflictee...


Poetry
· Solar fire of the Heavens...

· Find her in everything...

· Petrushka's Remorseful 5-Year Plan...

· The starward path: A tribute to Laika and Gagarin

· Hair today, groan tomorrow...comrade

· Merely a turn of the wheel...

· Crush depth

· The Doorway, twixt Heaven and Hell...

· Puddle Worms

· Happy Saint Valentine's Day Mass Accretion

         More poetry...
News
· Every writer needs egoboo (an ego boost)

· Two new books of poetry now released and available

· Santa Cruz Sargasso, Berkeley Fog (poems)

· Marooned on Molokai (a Hawaiian travel journal)

· Local Writer Not Slated to Receive Steinbeck Foundation Recognition

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Like Ducks in Paper Trousers

by Kalikiano Kalei — Read all 118 poems by Kalikiano Kalei

One of my favorite Chinese dishes is Beijing Duck ('Peeking Duck', sic) but I finished off a recent such dinner with a stale bit of a leftover from Giovanni's Restaurant (big mistake). At any rate, beware of DUCKS IN PAPER TROUSERS! [Note: This pome (sic) was composed for this week's meeting of the 'Bad Poet Club' of Sacramento (CA).]

Sunday, May 15, 2022


Poem Artwork

 

The ducks are marching closer

In ranks and files and rows,

A feathery juggernaut on webbed feet

That have no heels or toes!

On and on, from far and near,

They streamed from everywhere,

And none were wearing sailor caps,

But their ducky legs weren't bare!

It was so bizarre to see them

That I had to stop and merely stare

While thoughts of being nibbled to death

Cleaved my chilly nighttime air!

As I glanced out of my window

Carefully staying out of sight,

How odd, I thought, that all wore pants;

The thought increased my fright!

Not one was waddling as they came near,

And not a single quack was heard

Which is most unusual for a duck

Since ducks are a noisy bird!

At last, I heard a feathery knock,

Faint at first upon my front door

It was no longer use denying then

That Hell’s ducks had come ashore!

Oh! leave me be, you fowl fiends!

I cried out in the dark,

And go back, go back, away from here

Go back to the local park!

Too late I heard the door give way,

With a fearsome sickening crash!

(There’s no mistaking a door collapsing

From that tsunami of a splash!)

But just at that very moment

When I’d felt the whole house shake,

I woke up sweating from my sleep

And found myself wide awake!

Of ducks there was no evidence,

Nor watery pools, or what!

I realised then, with great chagrin

This dream came from my gut!

The blame must be fully laid,

I fear and see so clearly now,

It was that wretched slice of pizza

Had brought this dream I disallow!

 

 

 

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Reviewed by Alan Cook
Reviewed on May 19, 2022
Duck the ducks! A duck nightmare for sure. I guess the moral here is to be careful that what you eat doesn't eat you!

Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on May 16, 2022
I got a hearty laugh out of the effect of that pizza on your dream! Certainly was bizarre like my dreams can be. Thought about writing a poem about the homeless boy with his pet electric eel. And then, thought better of it. ;-)

I recall walking the streets of San Francisco and passing Chinese butcher shops with pressed duck hanging in the window. Sometimes, like with the sausage shops, the aroma from inside drifted out onto the street.

The Mormon fellow and his wife, the boss, who I roomed with in their small two bedroom apartment after his lucrative pool cleaning business failed, told me of his moneymaking adventures like trying to mine bat guana in caves in Baja until he was driven out at gunpoint by the locals and shooting ducks for Chinese restaurants illegally along the northern California coast.

My mother always had a subscription to Donald Duck at their lake retirement home for the grandkids, but I enjoyed reading those wacky stories, too. And I believe Donald Duck never wore any pants.

Ron

Reviewed by Diana Wiles
Reviewed on May 16, 2022
I SO enjoyed this tale…and
Cleverly written too…!

Something lighthearted and fun to keep those
blues away…

Diana…🍃

Reviewed on May 16, 2022
I love Peking Duck! It's so tasty! A delightful poem to read and I enjoyed it.

Hah! But If Stephen King were to write this he would turn the poem into a horror story.

Sandie


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