A humorous rhyming poem about my learning design through watching HGTV after my retirement.

In my much younger days I was all-man
-- athletic, Army officer, scientist.
Being retired now for a ten-year span,
that former he-man no longer exists.

All day long my wife watches design shows
on HGTV and channels similar.
With time, interest in these shows arose
within me so I’ve become familiar

with flipping houses for greatest profits,
with remodeling and renovating
rooms whether kitchens, baths, dens, or closets.
I make design choices without hesitating.

I know an accent wall will add a pop
of color to bring drama to a room.
I can discuss the types of countertop
and how granite can make the value zoom.

Get me started on kitchen or bath tile,
not to mention kitchen backsplash design,
and I can talk on for quite a long while.
Tiling is a preferred topic of mine.

I know the virtues of laminate floors
versus hardwood floors, and I ask no thanks
for advice about fabrics for outdoors
or about the four types of bamboo planks.

I have seen yards, kitchens, and baths get “crashed”
-- demolished then rebuilt for you uninitiated –
and even whole houses taken from trashed
to restored, with fixing problems unanticipated.

Need assistance with your accent pieces
or information about shiplap walls,
how a barn door that slides on rails increases
a room’s appeal? Or other design calls?

Then I am your man, for I cannot hide
my designer talent that’s plain to see
now I’m in touch with my feminine side
from the years of watching HGTV by me.