I’ve explained so much it seems,
enough for us both.
I regret, apologize, admit, confess …
a myriad of failings.
Why haven’t you?
You know what they are ….
I won’t repeat them here.
The burden of guilt I have assumed …
Why won’t you share?
I wonder if each morning …
do you see the person looking at you ...
who hurt me … do you?
Or do you deny any recognition and …
just go on with your life?
What hurts most of all …
is that you were never here
even after you returned.
The illusion of someone I had known,
but it was not you, as it happened,
though the outer resemblance was striking.
She didn’t love me as you had …
Her distance was farther away
than ever you had been near ….
when I could touch you.
She never smiled …
as you had so often, sheepishly.
When I opened the door Friday night,
I saw you there awaiting me on that couch
That you so disliked.
The table set, candles aglow
Your long braid and flowing skirts …
How much I do miss them … and
you.
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I don't know if your are Orthodox, but I've always found it very challenging for Orthodox women to feel appreciated. Often times the men sit around just reading Torah, while she works to support him in his studies, raises half a dozen children, keeps the home spotless (because Torah commands it) and serves her husband. Eventually the woman loses her identity and feeling of worth.
The need to be perfect according to God can take its toll on a woman. I wish you success in recovering your marriage. Don't give up. Give her time and keep communicating. ~ Sara