Blood dripped down her nose
     and forehead
      it dribbled down her eye as a red tear
and because of her fall
     another line created a cross on her brow
           as her father and I
      met the ER team
      sacrificing a night of sleep

another night
another sleepless night?

Letting go is never easy
        but always necessary for growth
We left her in good hands
        to CT scans and vitals
        and a promised call in the morning 
        that never came from them
               and we departed with
                     her clothes
        while she slept in a gown
        on white sheets
                with heated blankets

She awoke in Bed 43
        cold, chilled
        her title, her name 
once again a memory
     returned as reality
     her clothes orange
once again
        the smells of those who
        use the other beds as refuge
            and home 
            and safety from life
once again
         the words of 
                commitment blared
         snarling at the gates
                for signatures
         this time to be lost
                 for years

How many sleepers 
         in orange 
                on plastic mattresses
         drank their first drink
              before birth?

75% mom,
     at least 75%
We know each other
      in a clanship way
           the others do not see

This is a reality check
         My choice
         My life
One difference

This time
        I left a life made safe
        I am responsible for myself
             I see that now
         I will stay in this whale belly
              these three day
And you will see
   and you will know
who I am 
    not who I was
and soon who I will be
My mother's path is not my path

I surrender.
I finally surrender.