Wrote a new poem. There are two versions on here. There is the revised version and the original underneath it. Thanks. Looking forward to your feedback.
I love this and only minor suggestions would be try to avoid the use of "and" and "the" where not necessary. Verse four you may want to change that line so it ends in flow not flowed. Other than it is strong and vivid and fresh so keep it up...
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In the last stanza, I would write "And all those bats" in order to keep the same number of beats per line. Try to avoid "The did impart." This is archaic and doesn't seem to "fit" these days. Perhaps "Drew streaks of red That fit the part." These are just suggestions as you requested, Lena. Good stuff, though. Love and best wishes,
WEIRD RHODY is a short story collection featuring five strange tales all set in Rhode Island and written by five Rhode Island authors. The anthology is a tribute to H.P. Lovecraft, the Ocean State's famed author of pulp horror.
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Potent writing power!
Rx
Note: The original is not underneath as suggested t the top of this page.
fee
Regis