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Kalikiano Kalei

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Member Since: Jan, 2008

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Books
· Coruscated Confabulations: Oh! The Humanity!

· Marooned on Moloka'i: Coconuts, Dreams & Death

· Saunas and War Toys

· Falling Off the Mountain (poems)

· Santa Cruz Sargasso, Berkeley Fog (poems)

· U S Chemical and Biological Defense Respirators


Short Stories
· The Jade Compass

· A Plethora of Papas

· A Great Many Moons Ago...

· Catenary Roe, a tail (sic) of Old Monterey

· The Great Venuezuelan Beaver Cheese OODA Loop

· The Saint Valentine's Day Mass Accretion (a short story)

· Everything you know is wrong...(part II)

· Everything you know is wrong...(part1)

· An Arrow for Amaterasu

· Outdoor Bob and the leaf-blower from Hell...


Articles
· Field Notes on the Species 'Homo sapien'

· Iaido: The art of Japanese sword draw...

· Obesity: To be or not to be?

· And now a word from Our Heavenly Host...

· Joseph Pujol, Le Petomane, star of the Moulin Rouge (1887)

· NorCal Coastal Cold Water Reflections, 1989/2007

· The Gold and Azure Frontier

· We the Pimples... (or) a Child's Garden of Constitutional Verses...

· Welcome to Californication, suckers!

· Confessions of a 'Yellow Fever' afflictee...


Poetry
· Solar fire of the Heavens...

· Find her in everything...

· Petrushka's Remorseful 5-Year Plan...

· The starward path: A tribute to Laika and Gagarin

· Hair today, groan tomorrow...comrade

· Merely a turn of the wheel...

· Crush depth

· The Doorway, twixt Heaven and Hell...

· Puddle Worms

· Happy Saint Valentine's Day Mass Accretion

         More poetry...
News
· Every writer needs egoboo (an ego boost)

· Two new books of poetry now released and available

· Santa Cruz Sargasso, Berkeley Fog (poems)

· Marooned on Molokai (a Hawaiian travel journal)

· Local Writer Not Slated to Receive Steinbeck Foundation Recognition

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Buster's Lament (in the Land of the Midnight Sun)

by Kalikiano Kalei — Read all 118 poems by Kalikiano Kalei

In this brief pome (sic), the names of the active participants have been changed to protect the innocent (and the guilty, alike). It helps to remember that no less a luminescent genius than Benjamin Franklin himself was a profound advocate for never holding back this particular form of 18th Century air pollution...

Friday, November 28, 2025


Poem Artwork

 

In the land of the freeze where the auroras glow,

Lives a Husky named Buster, the King of the Snow.

But Buster possesses a talent obscure,

A gaseous emittance no nose can endure.

When he lifts up a leg and releases the bloom,

In sixty short minutes, he can empty all Nome.

 

But the locals don't panic, they don't even pack,

They just smell the air and say, "Buster is back."

The vapors expand with a toxic decay,

Turning glaciers to slush in the span of a day.

A Titanic-sized berg, jagged, massive, and white,

Simply melts into soup from his tail-wind's blight.

 

The jet stream then carries the odor afar,

To gardens in Tokyo, past every star.

Where Bonsai fanciers, tending trees with such care,

Catch one distinct whiff of the Buster and despair.

Dishonored by scent clouds of such magnitude,

They weep for their maples, completely unglued.

 

"To breathe such an air is a shameful taboo!"

So, they reach for the blade and commit Seppuku.

But back in the living room, plot twists unfold,

For Buster gets blamed for stories untold.

His owner, named Bob, had a black bean burrito,

And let out a squeaker—quite incognito.

 

His wife, eating cabbage, contributes a blast,

That could shatter a window or strip down a mast.

They wrinkle their noses and stare at the rug,

And point at the innocent, slumbering lug.

Then they wave at the air with a theatrical cry,

"Oh, Buster! You monster! You’re making us die!"

Though his own lethal clouds can dissolve a steel door,

Poor Buster takes credit for a thousand times more.

 ---
 

(Sincere apologies to Nala, our resident woo-woo pack leader, who is as innocent as the brown and yellow stained snow!). 

 

 



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Reviewed by Richard Cederberg
Reviewed on January 20, 2026
Farting: the universal language that needs no translation. Funny insight. Thanks for the chuckles... rlc

Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on November 29, 2025
That was an epic pome if I ever read one! And the subject was so profound that it deserves five sniffs without a sound. For nothing is worse than a silent fart burst.

Back when I was in Californica, I overstayed the holidays at my very kind dad's cousin in Livermore (where you liver less?) They had a friendly midsized dog in the house that was quite old from the gray hairs around his muzzle.

That dog gave off the most horrendous farts I ever smelled from dogdom. He seemed annoyed with them too as he would get up and walk around. After the mean old man of the house rode me out on a rail to go get my blown piston fixed by making an engine swap, they told me that he died. Finally relieved from whatever his G.I. was going through.

Shouldddaa, woulda kept those two hemis. Would be worth a small fortune today.

Ron


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