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Mercy for Millicent by Victoria Burks
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Rated "G" by the Author.
Millicent Hardy is suffering loss at the expense of her children and her faith. Will she overcome her grief?
MERCY FOR MILLICENT
Millicent Hardy plowed the pitchfork into the mound of straw, a sob ripping from her throat. She tossed the batch of hay into the freshly-mucked stall that housed the big roan. The stallion neighed and tossed his head into the air. “You miss him, too, don't you boy.” She pulled a carrot from her jacket pocket and offered it to the horse from the palm of her hand.
After a moment Millicent collapsed onto a bale of hay. “Oh, Dan, how will I ever make it without you?” The tears she’d kept hidden behind a brave smile spilled down her cheeks like a waterfall cascading over a cliff. The pitchfork slid from her hand and crashed onto the barn floor. She winced from the stab of loneliness that pierced her heart.
“I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about,” her husband had stated the day they'd driven from their ranch near Rawlings, Wyoming to learn the results of the tests ordered for Dan by their family doctor. “A round of antibiotics and a few days rest and I’ll be back to normal,” he’d said, laughing.
“But Dan. That cough you have is getting worse. And, no sign of a cold.”
Taking his eyes off the road momentarily, he'd smiled and then reached for her hand. “Everything will be alright, I promise.”
But things hadn’t turned out right at all. Her robust husband, whose striking leathery good-looks and generous smile had captured and held her heart for seventeen years had died a few weeks later from advanced Lung Cancer. She tucked a wet, stray tendril of her flaxen hair behind her ear. They’d left the doctor’s office arm in arm, ambling stupor-like toward the parking lot. Once inside Dan’s pickup truck, they’d clung to each other, too shocked to utter a word.
In the days following, they’d carried out the daily routine, the business of ranching keeping the inevitable at bay. Millicent spread her fingers across her chest. She would never forget the moment they'd told their children, Daniel and Mark, now teenagers, and seven-year-old Lisa their father's prognosis. The boys had sat ashen-faced on the edge of the sofa while Lisa had climbed into Dan’s lap crying and hugging him with all the strength she had in her long, slender arms.
Dan had accepted his fate and prepared for it while Millicent prayed night and day for a miracle. But, God hadn’t answered her appeal. Too soon, Dan had drifted from their lives. Again, the vicious anger she'd experienced when she’d gazed at her husband's lifeless face inside the casket uncoiled from deep within her.
She glanced upward, her lips twisting with scorn. “And you call yourself a God of love! You could have saved him!” Millicent jolted at the sound of the school bus coming to a stop at the end of the lane. Quickly, she swiped at the wetness on her cheeks. She sighed, grateful for the time it would take the children to walk from the road to the house. She stood and hurried to just inside the entrance of the barn to watch their approach, the sharp breeze from the north drying the remainder of her tears.
“I’m out here,” she said once they were within the sound of her voice.
When they reached the barn, Millicent stepped backward, hoping the dimness inside the building would disguise her swollen features. She forced a smile and gave each of her children a hug. “I’ll go start dinner while you boys finish the chores. Okay?”
“Sure thing,” Daniel said, his eyes narrowing as he scrutinized her face.
Millicent turned away from her oldest son, the image of his father. Not trusting to speak past the lump in her throat, she brushed past him throwing an attempt of a smile over her shoulder. “It’s fried chicken tonight.”
Daniel’s eyes lit up. “Thanks, Mom. You make the best fried chicken in the whole county.”
Licking his lips, Mark nodded in agreement.
Millicent tousled her youngest son's wheat-colored hair, a shade darker than her own. Eyeing his expression, a faint grin touched her lips, the first hint of mirth she’d experienced in weeks. But the sound of the roan pawing for his bag of oats washed her smile away. All who knew Dan had been aware of his love for Big Red.
Lisa gave her mother a quick hug and then raced toward the house. Millicent followed at a slower pace. Once inside their two-story home, Millicent straightened her stooped shoulders and pasted on a pleasant look. She eyed her daughter's attempt to select an after school snack from the refrigerator.
Millicent brushed back a wisp of honey-hued hair from her daughter’s brow. “Dinner will be ready soon.”
“Yeah, Mom, I know,” Lisa held up the apple. “But this will give me just enough energy to get my homework done before dinner.”
“Okay. When you finish you can set the table for me.”
Millicent sighed. Each of her children had been troupers since their father had died—keeping sibling rows at a minimum and helping as much as they could to keep the ranch intact. Not to discount the kindness and assistance her neighbors and church family had shown since Dan’s passing. Millicent drew a long sigh. Pastor Kirby called weekly to encourage her to resume attendance at church, but she just couldn’t face returning to where she’d last glimpsed Dan’s body.
Lisa frowned. “Mommy, have you been crying?”
“Millicent reached into the refrigerator to get the thawed chicken. “No, Sweetie. That wind is a brute. My eyes water each time I go outside.” She hated lying, but she couldn’t relax her façade in front of the children. They had to be spared the grief she suffered when alone.
Early that evening, their dinner complete and the kitchen in order once again, Millicent climbed the stairs to her room, her feet like lead. She hadn't fooled the kids at all, if their curious looks toward her during the meal were any indication. Once dressed for bed, she took the framed photograph from her bedside table and clutched it close to her heart. “I can’t do it, Dan. Day after day I’ve tried to be strong for our children, but I’m failing. What am I to do?”
“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them from their distresses.”
Millicent’s eyes widened at the familiar Bible verse she'd read many times. A moment later she shook her fist at the ceiling. “I did cry out to you. Over and over again. But you stole Dan away from us anyway. And, you expect me to believe I can count on your help now?” She pushed back the covers and crawled into bed, her lips tight. No way would she again waste her breath on futile prayer. She curled into a fetal position and covered her head, desiring to never leave the sanctity of her shroud. But, the sun would rise again tomorrow and she’d have to face another day without the love of her life.
*****
A few evenings later, Millicent sat at the table with her children, her movements leaden, the food from their meal tasteless as she forced it down her throat. Suddenly, she grew aware of her children’s conversation, their discussion concerning the upcoming Christmas pageant at their church. Although, she refused to accompany them, Daniel faithfully drove his sister and brother to Rawlings each Sunday and Wednesday night to attend services. And now, it seemed Lisa had been selected to play a role in the annual Yuletide event.
Millicent clenched the napkin in her lap. Christmas just couldn’t be days away. How had she failed to grasp the approaching holiday? She blanched when she noted the date on the wall calendar. Only a few days left to shop for presents. She had to find the energy. No way could she disappoint the children. Her throat constricted. Dan had adored the season of their Savior’s birth and had made it a special time for his family.
She glanced around. Not a single decoration had been hung or any holiday treats made, nor the yearly trip to the back side of the ranch to select the perfect tree. Dan had been the one to oversee that adventure with the kids. How could she possibly celebrate without him?
All at once, Millicent noticed the quietness in the room. She glanced upward, reading the expectancy in her children’s eyes. “No, no, I can’t. Please don’t ask me to do it.” She stood from the table and hurried from the room, leaving behind a trio of bewildered expressions.
*****
The next morning Millicent awoke to the sound of disgruntled voices outside her bedroom door.
“No, Lisa,” Daniel scolded. Don’t wake, Mom. She needs her rest.”
“But I need to ask her something.”
“Not now, Lisa. You can talk to her after school. Since Mom didn’t get up to fix our breakfast, she must be sick. Come on. I’ll pour you a bowl of cereal. Hurry or we'll miss the bus.”
“But…”
Millicent slid deeper into the bed, drowning out the sound of her daughter’s protest. Dan, why did you leave me? It’s so unfair. Millicent reached for her husband’s picture beneath her pillow, hugging it to her chest.
That afternoon she awoke when the hinges on her bedroom door squeaked. She lifted her head to see Lisa tiptoeing toward her bed.
“Mommy, you’re not dressed. Aren’t you coming to the pageant tonight? Don’t you remember? I’m the angel that tells the shepherds about the birth of Jesus.”
Millicent turned a dull gaze toward her daughter. She opened her mouth to speak, but her lips refused to produce sound. She crushed Dan’s old robe against her cheek, turning a deaf ear to her daughter's plea. A moment later Lisa slipped out of the room, her mother’s tears shielding the view of her daughter’s wet cheeks.
*****
Millicent’s eyelids flew open at the sound of Daniel’s voice, his hand roughing her shoulder. She stared at her son, trying to focus, but the effects of the sleeping pill she’d taken earlier hindered her.
“Mom, wake up. You have to listen to me.”
Millicent closed her eyes. No, she didn’t have to hear what God had to say. Sure, she’d been told since childhood that He would always be there when she needed Him. But, he’d let her down. Can you deny it, God? With Dan buried six feet beneath the earth?
“Mom!” The sting of the slap on her face jarred her senses awake. She stared at her son, tears of remorse coursing down his cheeks.
Millicent tried to turn away, but Daniel gripped her arms in his hands. “Mom! Lisa is gone. Look! Mark found this note in her room.”
Daniel helped his mother to a sitting position, the mist in her mind fading. She stared at the paper he'd given her, scrutinizing the childish scrawl.
Dear Daniel and Mark,
Mommy doesn’t love me anymore. I’m going away.
Lisa
Millicent turned her gaze on her sons who stood beside the bed awaiting her response, their eyes wide with fear. A cold chill formed in the pit of her stomach. She sprang to her feet, but fell back against the bed, her lack of sustenance in the past few days taking its toll. She held onto to Daniel who steadied her rise from the bed. After a moment she’d gained her balance.
“Did you look in the barn and the rest of the outbuildings? Is her pony still in the stable?”
“Little Bit is gone too.” We’ve looked everywhere, Mom. It’s dark now. What do you want us to do?”
Millicent grabbed a pair of jeans and a shirt from the floor unable to remember when she’d wore them last. But it didn’t really matter now. She hurried toward the bathroom, shouting instructions over her shoulder. “Daniel, phone the sheriff and then the neighbors. Mark, saddle the horses and grab the lanterns from the barn.” Hopefully, the sheriff would be able to get a search party together fast.
An hour later, a myriad of men sitting atop their horses overflowed Millicent’s front yard, their ears attentive to the sheriff’s instructions for the search. Soon, along with Millicent and her sons, the men scattered to their designated portions of the large acreage, determined to find the child.
Millicent guided her mare across the rough terrain, the frigid wind nipping at her face. Swinging the lantern back and forth to aid her vision, anger seethed within, but her fury demanded retribution from a different source. “Oh, God, how could I have been so blind and selfish? I’ve done nothing but wallow in self-pity. I’ve neglected my children, my friends, my church family—and—oh dear God—my Savior. “I’m so sorry, Father. Please forgive me. And please, oh please, let us find Lisa alive,” she said the wind lifting her words toward the heavens.
Just as the lamp illuminated a portion of the countryside surrounding her, all at once a light within the deepest part of her being cast the darkness from her soul. Peace reigned again in her heart. Bitterness had quenched the flame of salvation to a mere flicker, but God’s grace and forgiveness had restored her relationship with the Master within moments. She glanced at the shadows of her sons riding beside her. Will my children forgive me as well? Millicent prayed fervently that her bond with them could be renewed.
At that moment they all three turned their horses at the sound of three shots fired into the air, the signal that Lisa had been found. Turning toward the echo they heard a shout in the distance. Soon they saw in the light of the moon the silhouette of a man riding hard toward them. When he drew near, Millicent held up her lantern, recognizing Mr. Johnson, their closest neighbor.
“Mrs. Hardy, we think we’ve found your daughter. Follow me.” Not waiting for Millicent or the boys to ask questions, he turned and rode away, Lisa’s family galloping after him without a word toward the north boundary of the ranch. Soon they tethered their horses next to several others.
Millicent’s heart pounded in her throat. They were near the old abandoned mine Dan’s father had boarded up several years ago. Daniel helped his mother from her horse and then ran to catch up with the rest of the men, Mark close at his heels. Mr. Johnson held back keeping stride with Millicent.
Soon they stood outside the mine, the sheriff barking orders. Once he saw Millicent, he stepped close to her. “You made good time.” Taking her arm, he directed her a short distance away from the noise of the men’s efforts to strip the rest of the boards from the entrance to the mine.
“Two of the men found your daughter’s pony a few yards from here,” the sheriff said a moment later. “Both aware of the mine, they came to investigate, each thinking the child might have gotten inside. Once at the opening, they discovered that one of the rotted boards had fallen to the ground. Soon afterward, the two heard crying. When the signal shots had been fired, Mr. Johnson rode off to fetch you and your sons.”
Catching a glimpse of Millicent’s face in the light from the lanterns positioned around the scene, he glanced around and then led her to a large rock nearby. “Why don’t you sit here while we see to getting Lisa out of that hole? We don’t think she’s too far down. It’s my opinion she got cold and decided the mine would be a good shelter, falling into an abandoned shaft once she got inside.”
All at once a scream echoed from deep inside the mine. Millicent ran to the opening, but a pair of strong arms held her back from entering the side of the hill. “Take it easy, Mrs. Hardy. We’ll get her out of there.”
“Hang on, Lisa,” she shouted into the dark chasm. “Mommy’s here and I love you. We’re going to get you out of there.”
“Mommy, Mommy, help me!”
“Yes, darling. The sheriff, his men, and your brothers are coming to get you,” Millicent said, forcing calmness into her voice.
Millicent stepped aside to allow the men into the mine. What had frightened Lisa? Oh, dear God! Could she have encountered and been bitten by a snake? Oh, God, help her. Please! Tears welled up in Millicent’s eyes and poured down her cheeks. She stumbled toward the rock. She lifted her head to take in the man who steadied her walk, a wobbly smile of thanks on her lips. Tipping his hat, the man returned to aid the rescue.
She glanced at her watch. Could only a few minutes have passed? The rescue seemed to be taking hours. Unable to sit any longer, Millicent paced back and forth on the rocky ground. A few moments later, the men stationed at the opening held their lanterns high as a roar of victory escaped from the mouth of the cavern. Millicent ran toward the opening. Within a short time, the sheriff emerged with an unconscious Lisa in his arms.
Daniel and Mark rushed to their mother’s side. “She’s alive, Mother,” they said in unison. “But her leg is broken.” Mark said.
At that moment the roar of a helicopter broke the stillness of the night. Soon, paramedics had Lisa as comfortable as possible and in flight to a hospital in Rawlings, Millicent hovering at her daughter’s side. The helicopter no longer in sight, the boys expressed their heartfelt thanks to the sheriff and his men.
Less than an hour later, the search party disassembled at the Hardy ranch, the horses loaded into horse trailers soon afterward. Amid well-wishes for Lisa’s complete recovery, the men returned to their respective homes, their mission accomplished.
*****
The hospital room door swished shut behind the retreating doctor. Once Lisa’s broken leg had been set and cast, he’d ordered an overnight stay. Millicent would be able to take her home the following afternoon barring no other trauma or complications.
The next morning, Millicent awoke to find her sons tiptoeing into the hospital room. She smiled. Never had they looked so wonderful. Glancing over at the sleeping Lisa, Millicent lifted her forefinger to her lips and then escorted her sons to a nearby waiting room. Not wanting to leave her daughter for long, Millicent spoke her heart once the three of them were seated in the deserted area.
“Daniel, Mark, will you please forgive me? I’ve been a rotten mother since your father died. I’m so ashamed. But, I promise to be the best mother I can be from this moment forward.” Millicent looked first at Daniel and then Mark, their faces as serious as she’d ever seen them.
Daniel shuffled from one foot to the other. He glanced toward his brother and then turned his gaze toward his mother. “Look, Mom. We know Dad’s death has been tough on you. Us, too. We all miss him a lot.” Daniel paused. He lowered his eyelashes momentarily before he reached out to hug his mother. “Please don’t shut us out of your life again. We love you and want to help you get through this.”
Mark stood from one of the chairs and hugged his mother. “Yeah, Daniel’s right. We all need to pull together.”
Millicent choked back a barrage of emotion as she encircled the boys in her arms. They were becoming more like their father everyday—so wise, so caring. At that moment a nurse stepped into the waiting area.
“Mrs. Hardy, your daughter is awake and calling for you.”
Millicent and her sons hurried to Lisa’s side.
Early that evening, Millicent tucked Lisa into her own bed at the ranch. Once she had drifted off to sleep, Millicent journeyed to her own room and soon stood at the window eyeing the stars in the ebony, clear sky. “Father God, I’ve been so foolish. You were there all the time wanting to comfort me and set my life in order again, but I wouldn’t acknowledge your Presence. Please, Father, give the children and me the strength we need to endure our loss.”
In her pajamas a few minutes later, out of habit, Millicent reached for Dan’s robe. She held it against her cheek for a few moments. Sighing, she walked to the closet and hung it on Dan’s side of the space. The time had come for her to move from the past and create a new life for her children. Weaving the soft material of the robe between her fingers, all at once she sensed that Dan knew her thoughts and approved her decision. No, she would never forget him—he had been her first love. And, the security of her salvation in Christ gave assurance that she’d be with him again someday. But, her children must come first now. She had to do everything possible to make their future as bright as possible.
*****
The first snowfall of the year tumbling to the ground, Millicent observed her children’s efforts to decorate the spruce tree the boys had cut just that morning. Joy radiated from their faces as they hung the array of ornaments they’d confiscated from the attic earlier. She smiled at Lisa’s giggle when Daniel lifted his sister to place the angel on the top branch. The Christmas carol playing on the CD player echoed the praises in Millicent’s heart. She began to sing along.
“Oh, come let us adore Him. Oh come let us adore Him. Oh, come let us adore Him, Christ, the Lord.”
At that moment Lisa called to her mother. “Isn’t the tree beautiful, Mommy?”
Millicent hugged her daughter. “It most certainly is, Sweetie.”
Millicent looked around at her children. The glowing tinsel could never compare to the brilliance her children’s faces revealed at that moment. As they placed the wrapped gifts under the tree, she knew in the days ahead there would be times grief would overwhelm her. Nevertheless, she wouldn’t have to face that battle alone. Jesus Christ, the Captain of her salvation, now stood at her side, “her ever present help in time of need.”
