The Planted Seed...

I have humped girls since I could remember. Me: a young female that lived the life as a tomboy. Playing sports of all kinds; basketball with the boys, baseball with my cousins and even threw a couple of footballs. I didn't play HIDE & SEEK very much; neither did I participate in any activities with the boys on FREAKY FRIDAY. "Yea, I had Barbie dolls as a child but I had always played the roll of Ken." Ken, was the womanizer in my house. Because it so happen that I had more Barbie than Ken Dolls. All of my childhood friends that came over had always chose to be Barbie. I was pretty lil boy in the eyes of the deceived. I had the hair to accent my soft and caramel skin. My mother named me Chanelle but I lived my life as Chico Brown. Of course, I played it straight for sake. Though, I was always looked at as "Just one of the Boys!" As my attraction grew more towards women, I became more and more discreet. Closed up in my room, playing Nintendo or Playstation every chance I got. I had feminine ways, especially on Sundays and every night in church. It was something that I was tired to ignore for my whole life. Well, you know. Now it was time to graduate! "Yah, I did it!" It was June 17, 1997 when I gave happiness back to my mother. Robbing her , in the pit of Francis Jr High's atrium as I played my trumpet at my own promotion ceremony. It killed my ego for years. She didn't even come to see me play. But I couldn't blame her! It didn't make her or break her. "Shoot! I have my education already, now you have to get yours." Is what she told me with no remorse. Now, I have to go to summer school to go on to high school. "Well, I brought it on myself." I thought in disgust. I started looking more and more like a boy, although I acted like mom's little girl when time prevented itself. The struggle of liking woman came on stronger day by day. It was beginning to be unbearable to hide, as it ate and ate at me. Like a disease with no cure. Until one April rainy day, I'd experienced my first intimate kiss with another female. Renee kissed me in the hallway of her grandmother's 3bdr apartment. Blown Away! We have been talking for some time now. She sent me on my way because we wanted to go further. But our actions were blocked by her two little sisters. She was like their mother for real, practicing her independence for the real world. I walked out the door into the building stairway and put my umbrella up right there. Now, you know that must've been a hella of a kiss! "Damn, are you OK?" she asked with confidence. "Yea, I'm fine! Are you?" I replied. Even though I was messed up in the head, I fronted for her and let the hardness surface. I just tongue kissed a girl. And I like it! So how...I knew I would! "Call me when you get in the house?" she ordered. "OK, I will!" I called her as soon as I was settled, calm and in my mc-daddy stee-lo on. Because I knew then that this was for me. "So?" she inquired about the kiss. "Not bad at all!" I assured her. "Oh, ok." We continued the conversation while I was still shocked. I guess she got bored and impatient with me, waiting for to move to the next step. I was a bit ol' school. I know what I wanted to do to her, but I just didn't know how to do it. Where do to start, at least that's what I thought. Later on, she broke it off with me because someone saw us kissing in the stairway. It really didn't bother me that much. My mother found out about my attraction to girls back in Jr. High School. My best friend and I were sort of role-playing discreetly. So it wasn't that new to me. Although our friendship was suspended shortly after, I was just hoping that Renee didn't shut me out like me best friend did. "Wishful thinking, hopelessly dreaming…"