To my brother John, ...I used to watch dad shave every morning, it was our way of bonding, and of me growing,learning what men do and why ... it was also scary!
John there is a new blade on the market by Gillette, ...it's called Fusion.This one has 5 blades!That's right, count them ( while you still can without a calculator ) ... 5 blades!
Who knows what's next? Maybe a permit to own and handle your choice of disposable razors?
Remember when we were kids and poor dad's razor, only had 1 blade,how he still somehow manage to occasionally cut himself? Could he ever trust or expect that he and his generation would want the razor we have today added to their grooming kits?
Today's razor might have started a trend in Dad's day that initiated the reemergence of the beard and mustache on men all across America, rather than have them take their life into their hands every morning with the morning shave?
And who do we have to thank for the immense variety of blade choices manufacturers have made available to us when it comes to shaving these days? How did dad ever get by with just a singular sharp piece of metal, pressed against his throat?
Although it didn't seem as if he was ever dissatisfied with the shave he got, or the occasional cuts he suffered. I still remember the toilet paper band? And they used to scare the bejeezus out of me, as a kid!!!!
I remember I would be watching Dad shave and we'd be talking, and just enjoying the moment of being together. To be honest I was enthralled. Here I was spending time with my Dad. After all my Dad was the greatest Dad on earth, and I wanted to be just like him. Was there ever a son that didn't think the very same thing about their own Dad?
So these were our moments and in that time we shared, I wondered if one day would I have to shave too, or was it something I could somehow avoid because I wasn't too sure if there wasn't something about shaving that Dad wasn't telling me? Because occasionally there were moments when we would be talking, bonding as he shaved, and all of a sudden he'd wince, jump and I'd realize he'd cut himself!!! He'd look at me, indicate , he was alright,and just calmly reach over, grab a piece of toilet paper, press it against the cut, hold it there for a minute and wallah!!!!! a toilet paper band aid. All of which prompted me to ask yet again, Dad does that hurt? Nah Dad would say, I'm alright, Hmmmmm really Dad, really Hmmm?
Poor dad, I have to assume that with only 1 blade he must have been dragging the hair out by the roots and in the process suffered immense pain and therefore been distracted and subsequently injure himself, hence the cut? Obviously without access to today's plethora of razors, what choice did he have? Why else would Dad use what must have been inadequate equipment that injured him again and again? And why else would companies have been forced to add so many more blades to improve the modern day razor?
Ok, let's review shall we? First,the improvements of what used to be Dad's razor came into being with the introduction of more blades. Where there was once just 1 blade now there were 2 blades, then 3, and last week I tried my first 4 blade razor!!!
The head of the razor was enormous, it felt like I was holding a gun against my face. Matter of fact, I think I held myself up with the blade, I gave myself my own money,made me promise not to call the cops and count to 100, before I moved,fortunately I got a description of the guy so it's only a matter of time, I know I'll see him again.
Anyway, the quadruple blade I used was trying so hard to be unique and impressive, so much so it hindered the functionality of the product. How many more blades can they add, and still somehow hope to convince us it's safe to shave?
Eventually manufacturer's will have reached new levels of extreme techniques and will have to outdo each other on a grand scale just to maintain their market, and attract consumers. Or are we already at that point?
I suppose a time will come when men will have to shave with a smart bomb! Can you imagine what the razor cuts will be like then? We will definitely need the old toilet paper band aid then, if not blood transfusions,defibrillators,and no doubt a fallout shelter! (All of us baby boomers knew the ones we had installed would still come in handy, it was just a matter of time.)
Can you imagine, the trauma, little boys might have to endure?
They would still have to try to come to terms with it ,even years later in life, you never know. They may have to just try and put it all in prospective, maybe by trying to write about it, I've been told it can be part of the healing process to just talk about things like that. Hmmmmm ..... I wonder? Nah what am I saying, it doesn't hurt, right Dad's?
Homer's Ill Iliad & Odd Sea Odyssey (420 pages) is an adult satire/parody rewrite of the classic stories of the 10 year Trojan War and of the 10 year adventure of Odysseus trying to return home to his native Ithaca.
