My name is Hannah.  Hannah Louise.  I am twelve years old; am the middle child in my family.  I have two younger brothers (ages 8 and four; their names are Charlie and Michael), and two older sisters (ages 15 and 17; their names are Melissa and Kaylie).

Oh, and there's my mom, too.  Dad lives in California; he divorced our mom when I was really little.  It's been hard, because I remember the fights he and mom used to have, and it still makes me sad.

He comes maybe once or twice a year, like at Christmas or around the Fourth of July.

He's since remarried; my step mom is named Carollyn, and I don't like her.  She's younger than he is by twenty years, and she looks like one of those Hollywood type actresses: all skinny and pretty, with big boobs and dyed blonde hair. 

And they are going to have a baby: well, Carollyn is, a little boy, so I am going to have another brother, excepting he will live in California.

Of my sisters, I am the more responsible one.  Melissa only cares about boys or partying, and Kaylie only wants to be with her boyfriend instead of going to school.

My brothers aren't too bad, but Michael, the baby of the bunch, has special needs (he has spina bifida and just learned how to walk), and sometimes he ends up in the hospital.  That really bothers me.  I am always so scared he is going to die or something, especially when he needs one of his surgeries.  (He's had plenty already, still faces more in the future.)

Charlie can be a pain sometimes: he whines like a little kid, especially if he doesn't get his way.  It drives me crazy!!

Whenever we go out in public, people are always staring at us.  They call me "In-Between Hannah", which is embarrassing.  Or they point out Michael's crutches and say, "Awww, the poor little boy!" 

It really makes me mad because Michael is not his disability!  He's a child first, a child who happens to have a physical disability!  Why can't poeple get that through their heads??

I don't like being a middle child.  I want to be older, like Melissa or Kaylie, and yet I am too young to go to big-girl parties and too old to still be playing kid games.  I'm in an odd position.  I want to be older, and yet I also wish I were still little.  Things were much simpler then--or they were until mom and dad got divorced.

Now all I feel nowadays is confusion.  Or fear or worry.

I don't know if I am going to like being a teenager.  There's so much pressure, worry about sex, boys, the latest trends in fashion or music, and if I don't conform, I'm then looked on as a loser.  I don't want to be this way; yet I want to be my own person.  What do I do??

I also have my chores and looking out after my little brothers. It makes me feel good to know I can help them, be responsible, however, when Michael gets sick or ends up in the hospital again, I then have to act as mom to them because mom is always at the hospital with my baby brother.  It's like my own life is put on hold until Michael comes home.

In addition to doing my chores (or watching out after my broethers), I have my homework, and it comes at no surprise as to why I am so tired: I spend anywhere from two to five hours a night doing homework; at times I don't get to bed until 12 or 12:45 at night--and then I have to get up for school the next morning at six.

Then people wonder why I am falling asleep in music class or during lunch period.  It's because I'm flat out exhausted!!!!

Well, I will write in here again soon.  I will write more about me and my life.  Take care and see you again!

~Hannah Louise Salisbury, aged 12 years. ("In-Between Hannah". And I AM!!)