The names says it all really.
“Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall - Humpty Dumpty had a great fall - all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again”. We all know the nursery rhyme. We’ve all had it told to us when we were younger. The story of an egg that sat on a wall. Many interpretations have been given about the real meaning behind this story, but I’m here to tell you that’s all they are - and nothing more - because Humpty Dumpty is one mean mother of a hardboiled egg. In the underbelly world of nursery rhymes Humpty Dumpty is the godfather of all non-human deities; the Don Corleone of all fairy tales.
And that is who the Stranger and I went to visit after our encounter with the Big Bad Wolf and the revelation that my father was none other than Prince Charming. The Stranger knew that we couldn’t continue on our quest to destroy the Dreamer until I confront my father and make him pay for what he had done to my mother. Prince Charming was anything but charming, but that story was yet to come, for now we had to deal with Humpty Dumpty.
His secret headquarters was the old Warwick Steelworks foundry, long abandon but now the royal court of Humpty Dumpty. The Stranger’s plan was simple, we would allow ourselves to be captured and taken before his majesty. He was well protected by his contingent of thugs and hit men. But I had quickly learned that when it came to the Stranger nothing was ever simple and that you under estimate him at your peril - which Humpty Dumpty did.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the all powerful Stranger,” Humpty Dumpty proclaims from his iron rusted throne.
“Cut the praise egg head. I’m here on business,” the Stranger tells his host.
We had been brought before Humpty Dumpty by a half a dozen of his armed goons, our weapons having first been confiscated. Humpty Dumpty looked almost exactly like the way he has been depicted in the story books, an egg with two arms, two legs, and a face, except the real article had a nasty crack running down the side of his face, a souvenir of a past encounter with the Stranger. The two had history and not a pleasant one. The other unsettling thing about this criminal boss were the dozens of severed human heads that he had on pikes all around his throne, all in various stages of decay, trophies of those that defied him. Humpty Dumpty had his fingers in a lot of different pies, extortion, racketeering, prostitution, gambling, and drugs; if it was illegal then you could bet your bottom dollar that Humpty Dumpty had a stake in it.
He wasn’t a fairy tale to be trifled with.
Then again neither was the Stranger.
“Where’s Prince Charming?” The Stranger demanded.
“You’re in no position to demand anything. You think you can waltz in here - into my home - into my world and expect me to bow and scrap to you. Your head will adorn one of my pikes before this night is over. That I can promise you.”
“Listen egg head...”
“Don’t call me that!” Humpty Dumpty shouts. “I hate that name, besides it’s racist and defamatory.”
The Stranger smirks. He always knows where to insert the knife. “Don’t tell me you’ve gone all politically correct on me.”
“That is none of your concern, but times change. But the Dreamer has put a high price on your head and I intend to collect. Besides, I owe you a nasty death after what you have done to me,” Humpty Dumpty says, his hand absently rubbing the old crack on the side of his face.
“Tell you what, why don’t you tell me where I can find Prince Charming and I promise I won’t turn you into scramble eggs,” the Stranger threatens.
Humpty Dumpty laughs. Not a mocking or sinister one but rather a jolly one, which is more terrifying. “Death becomes you, Stranger. And I will enjoy very much giving it to you.”
“You know for someone whose suppose to be so smart you’re as dumb as every other egg I’ve ever had for breakfast.” The Stranger says, before pulling out a hidden hand grenade that was concealed up the sleave of his long coat. I can tell you that I certainly raised an eyebrow when he pulls the pin while his hand holds down the release lever. Instantly Humpty’s men raise their weapons to shoot but are halted by their boss.
This time it’s the Stranger’s turn to smile. “So, what’s it going to be egg head? Scrambled, poached, or fried?”
Humpty Dumpty to his credit remains calm. “Why do you risk so much to find Prince Charming? He’s never done anything to you, has he?”
“Let’s just say - you mind your own bloody business,” the Stranger says grimly, “now where can I find him, my fingers are getting tired.”
“And if I do, I’m to believe that you will just walk out of here, leaving me unharmed?”
“You got it,” the Stranger informs him, “but I will be back for you some day - but not today. So you need to ask yourself one simple question, Humpty Dumpty, do you want to have a great fall today? Or maybe, just maybe, live to perhaps fall or not fall another day?”
Silence fills the room as Humpty Dumpty considers his options.
“Make it quick,” the Stranger shatters the tension filled silence, “looking at you is making me hungry.”
Half an hour later the Stranger and I were back on the highway with the location of Prince Charming. Humpty Dumpty had given him up and we were going to pay my father a visit. The drive was a silent one, neither of us spoke...we knew what had to be done.
Copyright Peter Jessop © May 2014
|
|
|
good one!!
Ron