Biographic Essay – a creative retelling of real life
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At a bi-yearly assembly of published-writers, the guest-speaker surprised everyone when she openly admitted that she’d cut back online sharing by 90%. She contended that far too much of the interaction was either inane, boorish, cliquish, or fluffy. Her confession ‘struck a nerve’, and most in the room stood-up and applauded. Later, when we’d separated into clinics, I confessed my growing disenchantment as well with the shallow-tweeting-interaction that was rampant on most literary sites, and how I’d always preferred communication that was driven by positive intelligence, (egos aside) and always strove to encourage self-improvement without misleading or demeaning. For several moments there was silence. Then, someone I’d known for years opened up.
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“Hey Ric…. Funny you should mention that. I’m pretty much the same way and have been for years. Anymore though, it seems a waste of time dealing with people you’ve never met face-to-face. Especially the ones who have the huge useless opinions about what you do. Honestly…. some are like jealous children throwing mud-balls, and what they feel entitled to do on-line, most would never even consider doing in person. I can’t abide patronizing sentiment either; like the over-use of superlatives in ‘false-praise’ from hypocrites with personal agendas. We all know the type. There’s nothing nurturing in it. Thank God not everyone is that way though. I’m sure that you tend more towards the kind of interaction that leans less towards negative fault-finding, and more towards honesty, understanding, and encouragement.”
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“Exactly….” I nodded back, somewhat surprised at how easily he’d spoken what’d been in my heart for decades. “How did you know?”
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“Mostly from your writings. Apart from the evil antagonists you’ve created in your books, most of your characters exude creative intelligence, honor, respect, and love for one another. It’s kind of a no-brainer. I imagine though that you’re still critical at times, like most of us, but it’s cool, because everyone here agrees that there is a big difference between biased personal opinions, and respectful intelligent critique that can very easily result in the other becoming better at what they do. Who knows…. Maybe even becoming friends.”
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“HERE-HERE….” the others responded with applause.
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“I’m floored how some people use their privilege to comment as an excuse to abrogate their responsibility for civility and intelligent insight. Respect is always a far better fertilizer for growth in any field. But it’s a bit idealistic thinking positive regard could ever prevail in such a rampant ‘selfie’ environment that seems to have mislaid, no…. mostly forgotten about character and respect.”
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“Julie…. Excellent points,” I replied, “But it’s still a worthy endeavor, idealistic or not, even if it’s only within a brooding minority like us.”
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“Thank God for minorities then,” She shrugged. “Too bad there’s not more out there who care about it. You know, my friends, I’m thinking the biggest challenge in all this is staying true to your personal calling; accomplishing what you were called to do, as accurately as possible, and without being defeated.”
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It hadn’t been an easy road for me. Especially in my teens and twenties when I’d had far more energy than wisdom. Notwithstanding the diligent nature I’d been blessed with, I still got embroiled in some battles that almost did me in. Quite often finding myself disgruntled, and at my limit, I would throw in the ‘creative-towel’ and walk away. Each time though, after the frustration had lessened, I became aware (usually through prayerful meditation) that it was only my thought-processes that were fouled; my heart remained strong with a kind of enduringness that would never let me give up. In mysterious ways I could never penetrate, a spirit of fortitude was imparted to me and I’d get back up, stretch, weed the garden, till the soil, fertilize, plant new seeds, and then my focus would surge back strong and sharp. It seemed that each time I went through this, my creative garden would come back more richly-flowered than before.
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As it turned out: rarely was I ever intimidated, restrained, or afraid, of working with others ‘more developed’ than myself, especially in the music-business, when I was so fortunate to collaborate and perform with those whose humility was far more evident than their extraordinary gifts. Working with endowed vibrant people, (those who could instruct without insult or rancor) only strengthened my desire to press into the unknown. Today, thinking back, I am fully-convinced that I never quit pursuing originality because I was embraced, prayed over, and helped by a handful of people who all walked what the Bible described as ‘the narrow path’. After many years, I fully understood that the way I’d learned was not a personified abstraction. It wasn’t the street, movies, or books that taught me the important lessons about life, it was caring people who helped me maintain strength and focus to find and develop my voice and persevere. There is something magical and potent that happens in the heart when you learn from loving, wise, spiritually-grounded, human-beings. And because of them, I was blessed with a twenty year career in professional music. After I stopped performing, and traveling, I was given an opportunity to design, personally build, engineer, and compose in my own Midi-centered ADAT digital recording studio for seven years. It was a season like no other…. A powerfully focused time when the creative-process’ flowed through me like a river. During those fertile years I multi-track recorded several hundred compositions, out of which only two self-produced Cd’s were compiled: ‘What Love Has Done’ and ‘The Path’.
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Originality or popularity – Substance or a feeling….
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For the most part, popularity (though great for content distribution and tweeting) has never been a dependable sounding-board for true originality. Today, sharing in an egocentric ‘selfie’ society, (swamped with those who seek primarily to polish their own stars) seems antithetic to real creative growth. The internet has become a breeding-ground for those who have little respect for the craft of writing. Far too many only want a ‘coffee-klatch’ outlet to complain, politicize, find sympathy, rhyme, purge, pretend, and find others of like-mind willing to join them on virtual-stools and buy rounds. And though this practice is very much lacking in most ways for me, I can still empathize that there are times when shallow-interaction is the only way some people can find a bit of understanding, or accreditation, in ways they could never do in their daily walk. But for all those seekers attempting to expand or explore creative-writing, or the loftiness of poetic construct, or authorship, (in the development of new characters, or content, or even unique worlds never before explored) there comes a time when shallow tweeting interaction becomes more unavailing than salutary, because rarely does it communicate with the real issues and challenges.
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A good novel will tell us the truth about its characters and storyline, where a bad novel will always tell us the truth about its author(s)….
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The path of originality has real obstacles, and most of them require a Herculean effort of personal honesty, sacrifice, and objectivity to overcome. American author E.L. Doctorow said: “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader…. not the fact that it is raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” If one can grasp that concept, then their approach to writing can improve. Shaping and forming language, in the hopes of creating something unique that touches the reader in ways they’ve never been touched before, seems a bit far-fetched…. but there’s no way around it. The dedication and hard work needed to attain untapped originality is requisite. Aside from all our differences, our dissenting modes of expression, and our differing motivations, there is this one fact that cannot be ignored…. people will always need people to continue on. When Herman Hesse proffered in his brilliant novel (‘Narcissus and Goldman’) that “All existence seemed to be based on duality, on contrast,” he was conveying that there is nothing in human life that doesn’t require something else to validate it, or complete it in one way or another. Simply put…. the sharing of words is intertwined with two types…. Readers, and writers. And though a writer can write without being read by anyone, readers still require writers, and for those writers who are truthful with themselves, they also require readers to complete a very natural cycle.
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Originality and self-realization – Are they codependent?
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It took some years for me to figure this out. And though I grew up devoutly Christian, self-realization seemed a necessary pursuit to fit in culturally and philosophically…. especially growing up in San Diego in the 60’s. The creative-forces washing over America, during that time, became a powerful influence in my life. The British invasion of music, the Beatles, the Dave Clark Five, the Haight-Ashbury miasma, San Francisco music, Jimi Hendrix, Wishbone Ash, Ram Dass, Buddhism, meditation, marijuana; all of this (and much more) grabbed me, charmed me, and took me somewhere that I inevitably had to return from. As it turned out, the harder I pushed into (what I refer to now as) the ‘cul-de-sac of self-realization’, the more diluted, and deluded, my quest became.
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Something changed in me then. I was given a kind of ‘burning bush’ moment, a revelation that cleared my thinking, and opened my spiritual eyes.
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In this revelation, I was shown clearly that my real capacities weren’t really mine, they were a gift given me from my Creator for a specific purpose, and needed to be treated and nurtured as such. It soon became obvious that a prayerful pursuit of originality was going to have an on-going spiritual-war attached to it. And that no degree of skepticism, rejection, or negativity, from other sources, could ever lessen the tenacious fortitude I needed in these seemingly at times futile searches for the kind of originality that would bring glory to my Creator. Thankfully I discovered rich soil for seed in what David had written in Psalm 3:5: “I lie down and sleep; I rise again, because the Lord sustains me.” I saw clearly that it’s by a greater power of grace that my heart beats, that I draw breath, that I have my being, and that I have this propensity to be original and create.
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There comes a time when the honest pursuit of originality will eschew the ephemeral trends of mainstream popularity; that mesmerizing manmade trap where artistic death slowly (or quickly) claims its victims….
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At some point I had to accept that intellectual opposition, and jealousy and meanness from others were inherent parts of my quest. I realized too, just how vulnerable we are as writers, (or musicians) and how easy it is to stumble because of how we are so often drawn to accomplish what we feel is right for ourselves, instead of depending on the Creator, and His timing and direction. And then, when we do stumble, how dark spiritual forces can use circumstance and people to undermine, lessen, or even destroy the original work they are pursuing. As it turned out…. This conflict eventually became as prosaic for me as breathing, because I fully knew now that I was in a protracted battle to accomplish what I’d been called to do. At some point (when after two decades I had finally accepted this as my lot) something inexplicable happened again.
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Instead of the naysayers and haters moving on me as a debilitating force, they became a source of inspiration and humor. This in turn strengthened me to stand strong. This revelation shifted my focus radically. Now… instead of responding to my enemies and detractors ‘tit for tat’, or to get even, I would address them creatively with a written work, or a poem, or in a song or composition (when I was active in the music business). But as it turned out, this approach was based on an erroneous assumption on my part that people were actually mindful enough to hear the message I was sending. In all honesty…. I was shocked at how many were either too dense, too blind, or too self-consumed, to even know that they’d been addressed. There were exceptions though, some did take note, and it changed them in ways they never could have expected. It became perfectly clear to me that if originality was my real goal, then it was imperative that I nurture an unyielding resolve against all odds, to reveal what I’d been sent to find, and the patience and honesty necessary to deal with all the impediments, deterrents, and hindrances I would encounter during the search. It would also require of me a daily-discipline of prayer, fortitude, and focus, (to sort through all the plastic and paste lurking around my brain and heart) to find what was worth holding onto and developing…. a humbling process that remains active in me to this day.
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Speaking personally…. there is something incontrovertible about original literary or poetic voices…. they are distinguished, powerful, unique, and they can influence you in places nothing else can.
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Finally, in closing…. let me underscore, that the straightforward pursuit of originality requires the time-consuming daily-discipline of a monk, the finesse of gentle breezes and flowing streams, the fortitude of stampeding elephants, an uninterrupted flow of creative-vision, and a healthy-helping of patience and resolve. In my experiences, most drop out in the discipline stage. Today, thinking back over the decades, given all the good that’s happened, the wonders, the knowledge, and the truly absorbing adventures I’ve been on as a writer; notwithstanding the characters developed and wisdom imparted, or the fortitude, focus, and durability that was always given me during the struggles, or the handful of original works I’ve been blessed to create, complete, and find some success with, I’ll still be the first to admit that there have been times in the journey, that if I’d been given the choice of writing or wrestling alligators, I might have been a lot happier choosing the latter.
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© Richard Lloyd Cederberg
rewritten and reedited 3/2022
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interesting read, well done
It's good to see you posting. I'll try not to be too critical. I've found that my source of strength in my career were mentors who showed me by their behavior how to best behave and were the ones who encouraged me to go further than I ever had before. I've avoided confrontations although admittedly have been critical at times, hoping to give others some direction to improve. So, I've garnered many author friends and readers who seem to like my work.
Ron