Thumbing through a magazine, I spotted an article called Twenty Things To Discuss Before Marriage. It is a little late for me since my husband and I are around fifty years of marriage bliss, but from my experienced viewpoint the article left out a major thing to discuss before marriage, and I need to alert you to it.
Oh, the article talked about all the regular philosophical things like: How many children do we want? Sorry, you can't decide beforehand. This is an emotional question. What if both of you decide on two and then a night of passion comes along? Suddenly you will have three!
Then there is the subject of money. So easy to discuss money when young and naive, and still in the dream that you can live on love! Just try it.
Religion is always on these lists, especially if the two of you were raised differently. “No brainer,” you say—“we will let the kids decide!” Good luck with that one.
Getting along with each other's extended family is another point on the list. I will not go near that one, especially in today's world when there is no longer a family Godfather or Matriarch who ends disputes with, “Because I said so!”
I scrutinized the article carefully, going over topics such as sex, secrets, household duties, and several other items. I had a good laugh over most, but I never did find any talk about the marital subject dear to my heart—temperature!
“Temperature?” you ask. “Is she crazy?” Think about it. Have you ever met a married couple who agreed on the temperature of anything? She is hot, he is cold, she is cold, he is hot, he wants the window open, she is freezing, they both want the blankets, he wants the top down, she wouldn't think of it.
I was taught white can only be worn from Memorial Day to Labor Day. My husband was taught air conditioners can only be used Memorial Day to Labor Day. Doesn't matter if it's 102 degrees the day after Labor Day. Actually, he doesn’t even want to use the air conditioner on most summer days anyway, because the heat doesn’t bother him.
But the same man who is cold in the summer is hot in the winter. My husband loves drudging through three feet of snow, and keeping the thermometer inside the house around 65 degrees while I sit next to him with my fur coat on, moaning, “Why can't we spend the winter in Florida?”
Temperature problems don't just stay in the house. The car produces temperature conflicts too, especially in autos where the air blows directly on you. I have to dress in my long underwear in the summer to travel a few blocks. Convertibles are where the worst temperature conflicts occur. Top down means wind in the face and the end of a hairdo. Never let your guy buy an auto where the top can go down. You will regret it as you age.
The first 35 years went by and we started to get used to each other and the temperature games we played. Then retirement and an upgrade to a house with a pool came, and so did a renewal of the temperature games. Together 24/7 is tough enough, but now the thermometer gets readjusted hourly.
The summer is the worst. My husband just doesn't think the pool should stay at 90 degrees. I think he only complains because of the high gas and electric bills.
Back to the reason why I wrote this article. I definitely think that temperature should be a major thing to discuss before marriage. In fact I think it should be right up there with love, honor, and obey. So easy to solve. Just pick a number you agree on. I would go for an agreed temperature of 70 degrees! I forgot the pool. I'd need to write in 90 for the pool.
As for me, I plan to ask for separate rooms in the nursing home, though I will miss my husband’s warm body next to me in bed. But in my own room I will be able to turn the thermometer up to 75. Game over!
