A troubled mother calls old friend for help. He gives her unusual help.
It was a normal Saturday morning in May. Sam had several spring projects planned and was in the midst of completing when he stopped by Walmart. There were several things required for the day’s work and found them in short order. The checkout lines were full so he went to look at clothes. The shirts he liked, he already had.
As Sam started for the checkout line, there were two security people escorting a young girl back into the store. Her hair covered her downward face as she shamefully walked between. He felt sad and angry for the girl. Sad because she was facing this humiliation and angry because she did something she should not. The feeling of indignation followed as he thought, “If she would have gone to Church, she would not be here now.” All these thoughts passed through his head in the first couple of seconds of seeing this young child escorted.
As his indignation climaxed she looked up to see where she was going and he partially recognized the face. It looked familiar to a young girl in his Church. Except instead of a smile and hope in the eyes there was a frown with grief in the eyes. Even though Sam was just a few feet away, in her despair, she did not see him. Sam turned his buggy around and followed the trio to the back offices. The male guard stopped him from going into the office area. Sam explained he might know her. The guard held his hand out for a moment until the young girl was in an interrogation room. Then he allowed Sam to enter.
The security officer explained. “We normally just take back our inventory, record the name, and then bar the shoplifter from ever coming in the store again. This stubborn young girl refused to give her name. She hasn’t said a thing.” They reached a window looking into the room where sat the young girl. Again, her head hung low and her hair covered her face. The female guard slammed the table and she looked up. Sam told security and the manager who had arrived, “Her name is Nancy and she goes to my Church.”
There was no doubt; it was Nancy the daughter of Tim and Sue. She was 15 and the oldest of 3 girls and had been to his house on many occasion. Tim and Sam were Deacons in the Church together. Sam was not sure what to tell Tim, but he had to call him. Sam explained to Tim what he saw that morning. Tim was on the other side of their small town and would be there in about fifteen minutes. Sam asked Tim if it was all right for him to talk with Nancy until he got there. The security also talked with Tim confirming his approval for Sam to talk with the girl.
Upon entering the room, Nancy recognized Sam and started crying either from him catching her or the embarrassment of the situation. Sam asked Nancy what happened and she shook her head while her face planted in her palms. He asked who were her friends and she shrugged her shoulders. Then he explained, “They are not really your friends. Friends do not leave friends behind. They at least sound a warning. My guess, Monday at school, their interest lies in whether you snitched on them and not you getting into trouble. You are in trouble – security was going to call the police until I showed up. However, I did call your father and he will be here shortly.”
With this news, she finally spoke up, “Is mom was coming?”
“I am sure she will,” was his response.
Nancy got a sick look on her face and asked, “Does she have to know about this?”
Sam replied, “If there is a way you can figure out that your mother never knows about it. I will keep it a secret, but by now she probably already knows so that is not an option.”
Sam tried several more times to obtain the names of the other girls involved that morning. Nancy remained silent and so left the room. Tim was discussing with the security guard and manger as to the disposition of his daughter.
Tim and Sam discussed this hypothetically among the fathers one night over beer and BBQ. None of them ever pictured one of their own children doing something like this. The manager said they received all their merchandise and he would barred her from entering the store ever again. Tim asked, “Could she enter the store one more time. I want Nancy to pay for the items she stole since she was 9 months away from age to wear makeup and then donate it to a charity.”
“Why” asked the manager.
Tim explained, “I think the humiliation of spending money she is saving for a new stereo, facing you the person she stole from, and then having to explain to a stranger why they are getting free makeup is a good life lesson. That is her punishment from me. Her mother on the other hand will have her own punishment to satisfy.”
The manager agreed to allow Nancy in the store one more time. Then the manager mentioned a local charity sponsored by Ellen’s Beauty Solon who helps women surviving cancer feel beautiful again. Tim knew this solon because his wife had been there. Tim went in to see Nancy to explain to her the punishment from him.
It was about five minutes later, Sue showed up angrier than a disturbed hornet’s nest. The security guard tried to stop her until she calmed down and Sue glared at him. Sue had a glare that will make the toughest Hell’s Angel member back down. Her glare was the envy of all the other women at their Church. The security guard let her pass. Tim came out and Sam tried to console him. Tim was upset because Nancy would not give up the names of the other girls involved. Sam piped in with, “She is a girl with strong convictions, it is better to change the convictions then to tear them down.”
Sue sat down across the table from Nancy and stared at her. Nancy with her head still in her hands could feel her mother’s stare. It only took a minute of staring without Sue asking a single question and Nancy started talking about what happened that morning. She explained. “My friends claim we would never been caught.” She told her mother all of what she took and why she took it. However, she would not mention the names of the other girls. Even when her mother asked for them, Nancy would not give up her friends.
Meanwhile the manager admitted he was pretty sure he knew the names of the other girls already. The manager was glad the preacher was there to help during this crisis. Tim pointed out, “Sam is a deacon not the preacher.”
The manager heard him say “his Church” and Tim explained, “Sam is part of the body of the Church; therefore, it is his Church. It is my Church also.”
Their commitment to each other within the Church impressed the manager and he attended for a short while before being transferred. He started calling it his Church.
Dear Nancy,
I wrote this story in third person so that you can see the stark contrast of what happened. This morning you called me in total desperation to speak with your twelve-year-old son because the police brought him home the last night. This afternoon I am writing this story and letter. I am glad to help since your parents are on vacation. I am sorry about laughing when I heard James toilet papering a teacher’s house. I do not mean to make light of the situation but the irony of your son’s trouble brought back a flood of memories. I also think TP house is funny as long as it is not mine.
Your mother and father raised you to be a bright, confident, nurturing parent. I have seen you stare at your boy the way your mother stared at you. I have witnessed you teaching him as well. I know sometimes women do not like to hear this, but you are your mother’s daughter. This is a good thing!
Twenty five years ago you were by your mother’s side for a month after you stole makeup. This confinement was a staple for 28 days. You had to ask permission to use the bathroom from your mother and she usually went with you. She bedded you down every night at 9:00. School let out and while the other kids your age were out, you were no more than a few feet from your mother. There was only one exception to this detention and your father was there with strict order to do the same. After four weeks of captivity by your mother’s side, she sat down with you and had a long talk.
You contacted me the week after and thanked me for being there for you. I accepted your apology for messing up my morning. You told me about your friends turning on you Monday as I predicted when you got back to school. You seemed beleaguered as to how I knew what was to happen. About thirty years before that I followed some friends who led me into trouble. They got away and I faced the principle. I did not give them up and took the full punishment myself. They cared less for my predicament only that their butts were safe. The principle warned me about these boys and I found he was correct in his assessment. I can only assume he learned the hard way as well.
My help to you is this story and letter. I will not talk with your son for you. You are married to a man that loves you, your boys and God. You know what to do regarding your son but you are finding it difficult. Your parents faced the same difficulty when they received the call about you. No one said being a parent was easy, however I think your parents did a good job preparing you for it. Use what God has given you to teach your children. If you need someone to talk with, I am there you and your family are in my prayers.
With love, your friend
Samuel Kasniak
P.S. On the following Saturday, Nancy told Sam after reading this letter; she sat down across from her son and stared at him. She thought it was a long time but John, the boy’s father, assured her it was only a couple of minutes. The boy, as she was calling him, started to tell her what he did and why. Apparently, the teacher caught him talking in class and sent him to the principal’s office where he received a lecture and a night’s detention. The boy and his friend decided to get even with the teacher by toilet papering her house. As luck would have it, the police passed by just as the last roll went through the air. On the lighter side, she mentioned what an annoyance it is having your soon to be teen-age son around you at all times. She called her mother and apologized for the month she served.
On Monday, Nancy escorted the boy to school. There was a meeting with the teacher and principal. There they found the boy was receiving a three day suspension. Nancy asked if the TP was still in the yard. The teacher cleaned some of it, but most remained. Nancy offered the boy to clean it up. When the teacher hesitated, Nancy explained she would be there with him making sure he cleaned it all. The other boy’s parent also thought it was a good idea and both mothers were there supervising. After cleaning all the TP from the yard, the mothers made the two boys do some gardening and other chores around the teacher’s house. The boy’s confinement is no more than ten feet away from Nancy. She will start calling him James when serves the two weeks of punishment. She is thankful for Sam’s letter of encouragement.
To some, it's a part of growing up. I used to know a friend who habitually steals from the department stores. She thought it was fun. I've gone out with her on three occasions and she stole on all three. I don't know if she had ever get caught as I had not gone out with her since then. People who habitually steal stuff has a psychological problem.
However, in your story, Nancy was able to change her life because she got caught, and her faith had a lot to do too in her healing process to give her the confidence she needed. I hope the same healing process will be applied to her son. Some people steal not because they needed the stuff that was stolen, it's because of the phase of growing up and the mental state they're in.
A teenage boy struggling with the coming-of-age issues of sexuality, religion, and peer approval is overwhelmed, but soldiers on. After several years, he comes to understand the family forces that have left him so deeply troubled, and the process of
'Coruscated Confabulations' is a collection of stories and experiences, most of which took place in prior decades. They are taken from or based upon real events, with a certain admixture of fictional embellishments.
