The Love Calculator
Back in my “glory days,” I was a metrologist (the science of measurement). Several thousand of us here and around the world were engaged in making test, measuring, diagnostic, and evaluation equipment (TMDE) do what they were supposed to do: Keep our inventory of weapons and weapons control systems in top working order—just in case an adversary wanted to replace us with people more to their liking. In our efforts we used a lot of math, physics, schematics, slide rules, and calculators—plus chalk and blackboards. Those few who preferred to use hammers, ropes, scissors, and saws were quickly found out and sent packing.
I still have a fondness for calculators. I use a calculator or a PC rather than a GPS unit to help me cross the street or to do other labor-intensive tasks. Recently I discovered a new group of calculators quite by accident. The accidental approach seems to be my inevitable, if not my preferred, way of discovering things that exist in reality nowadays.
This website has about 200 free-for-use calculators. You can even download a few for use on your own website. But hold on and I will do my good deed for the day and give you the name of said site. It has a gravel and concrete calculator presumably so you won’t buy too much of these supplies when you bury the bodies of those you have just killed. It has a bra calculator, in case you are under- or over-endowed and can’t figure out your size. In the medical area, it has a conception calculator. I’m not certain of what it measures. I’m guessing it is either a sperm counter or a desirability counter.
But the one calculator that really caught my eye was the “Love Calculator.” Now this one totally took me by surprise. All you need to do is enter his and her names, and it will calculate the “woo woo” factor between two persons with those names, and will also give you a written evaluation of what your romantic days (or daze) will be like.
Example 1. For example, I plugged in “Jack” and “Jill,” and hit the “Calculate” button. It calculated a score to 43% with the additional comment “Your love is comparable to rush hour traffic. Slow and frustrating, but possible to navigate through persistence and sheer force of will.”
Example 2. Bill and Mary produced a score of 79%, followed by “Good enough. Might as well check love off your list of things society believes you should've accomplished by now.”
Example 3. Ed and ?? produced a score of 86%, plus “Your love is as strong as that between an owner and their pet! Unyielding in its loyalty and comfort, albeit with less than optimal odors. “
Example 4. Ed and ??? produced a score of 92%, plus "Your love burns as hot as the sun, blazing through the vastness of space, and searing itself into your being."
Example 5. Then I plugged in the names of the two ladies in examples 3 and 4. It produced this: 100%. "Quick!! Close your browser! Nobody saw this. Not even you..."
www.calculator.net
P.S. The author is not responsible for weddings, divorces, or lawsuits brought on by this posting.
