'Til Death Do Us Part! - SURE!
Or
( The Fat Lady Is Finally Singing! )
Copyright: September 6, 2000
By: Harry K. Paean
Well as I was rapidly approaching the ripe young age of sixty, about three months ago, my world was blown apart! After just celebrating our thirty-fourth Wedding Anniversary on May 7, 2000, less than one week later a stupid argument over mowing the lawn ended with a definitive declaration "That's it I'm leaving you I want a divorce!" Bum-mer!
In a later discussion, it was explained to me that she was doing it, not to hurt me, but rather to help herself. As the youngest of eight children, she had never ever been on her own. She simply wanted OUT! Independence. Freedom. The nest was empty, the door was open, and the coop would be flown!
The giggling young beautiful girl that I had met at a wedding reception on October 19, 1963 had changed through the years, and I (old Grouch-Face) had not! The former love of my life (for over one-half of it) and best friend is now "spreading her wings" not unlike a new beautiful butterfly.
After the shock, anger, and disbelief finally subsided, hurt settled in DEEPLY!Was I really that bad? Why had my God forsaken me? Bouts of depression and anxiety ensued. Was my social beer-drinking that bad? Maybe I drank a whole case in a month? Was it my malodorous hair, clothing, and breath from my dirty, stinking, filthy habit of smoking?
Could it have been my stupidity in getting fired in November 1996, for writing a memo about Smoker's Rights? Did it have anything to do with the fact of closing her business, because I no longer had the income to support it? Could it have been the fact that I could not even get an interview for a job, let alone actually land one (in management) for more than three years? Was it because my entire lifetime's Retirement Funds had been "eaten up" by paying the mortgage, and debts, and bills?
Did the stigma of bankruptcy creep into both of us, like cancer? Is there the slightest, tiny little remote chance that I had, in fact, changed to a cynical, grouchy, SOB that was full of rage? OOPS! As Bill Shakespeare so aptly put it onct "There lies the rub!"
Somehow I had been laboring under the misconception that "something good would turn up." Sure! In 1997 I would build a really successful business on the Internet, right? NOPE! I would surely be successful in suing my prior employer, as the Constitution of The United States of America was on my side, right? WRONG! Smokers have no Rights! When a Baltimore City Judge tells your lawyer (in Chambers, no less, not on the recording of the second hearing) that he presented a most powerful case, but that, "under the current climate in the State of Maryland, no judge is going to rule in favor of a smoker," it hurts deeply to learn that Justice is, in fact, not blind, she sneaks a peek at whoever has the money!
Well what about my writing talents, maybe some really sharp publisher would "discover" me, and I would actually earn some money from this, right? WISHFUL THINKING! Didn't happen!
Surely, I would make a big bundle as a Mortgage Loan Officer, during the "heyday" of 1997 and 1998, right? NAH.! I was a lousy liar just too honest for my own good. Next, in the year and a half (1998- 1999) that I spent as an Independent Associate, marketing a Prepaid Legal Plan, I was really going to succeed big, because it was a one-hundred percent legal product, everyone needed it, I was great at giving presentations, teaching, helping, and sponsoring people, right? UH-UH!NUTTIN' HONEY!
I spent a lot of money on sales tools, worked really hard, night and day, sponsored several capable people, drove all the way to Tulsa, Oklahoma and back (with my daughter) for the 1999 Convention all to no avail! It simply did not happen. We fell flat on our faces. But surely, I was supported soundly in all of these endeavors by my life helpmate, right? GUESS AGAIN!
She regarded it as another of my "crazy schemes."So, the wolves were at the door, the retirement money was gone, the "big nut" mortgage payment still had to be made. Thus, in February 1999, I was forced to take a menial temporary J-O-B at half the income of that which I had earned before. Gee, could that have been a factor in losing my wife's understanding and support? Could financial stress at its maximum have any impact whatsoever on a love: which was sanctified in a Roman Catholic Church by the exchanging of vows, ". . . until death do us part . . . ," a love validated and cemented by the parenting of two beautiful children, and supporting them both (all the way through college), a love that had previously conquered all, through "thick and thin?" YOU BET YOUR B-P!
A little research on the Internet will tell you that somewhere between 80-85 percent of all divorces in the United States occur because of financial problems! So, could it be that my little "Giggle G." was simply worn out? Was she sick and tired of being broke? Was there no longer anything to giggle about?
Let's face it, it is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to be happy when you feel like a pauper, a second-hand Rose, a very, very tired person who can no longer continue "treading water" especially if you suffer from aquaphobia in the first place!
Thus, it would seem to me, that after you cut through all the "crap" the answer goes all the way back to prehistoric times. If the caveman didn't "bag the bear" or the saber-toothed tiger, and literally "bring home the bacon" in order to feed, clothe, and shelter the family he was a BUM!Period! End of story!
Wishful thinking, positive mental attitude, and education and experience, as well as hard work, mean absolutely nothing! If the proverbial "breadwinner" the man of the house, cannot provide the little woman with the standard of living to which she WISHES to be accustomed, then "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" . . . BUT . . . The yellow brick road to the Divorce attorney is paved with, "Sorry, Bunky, no Tickee, no Laundry!"
We were both faithful to one another for over thirty-five years, so there was no "Hanky-Panky," we simply grew apart. That, my friends, is known as "irreconcilable differences." Where in The World Is Giggle G.? Next, consider the old adage, "Two can live as cheaply as one." As Teddy Roosevelt might have said, "Horse-Feathers!" When you get married, besides the normal staples like: food, clothing, and shelter, after the kids come along, you got; more expensive food, more expensive clothing, more expensive shelter, cribs, playpens, diapers, baby powder, baby oil, baby shampoo, baby shoes, baby bibs, baby this and baby that, Isomil, pediatrician bills, tonsillectomies . . . and then guess what happens next?
BINGO! The old heap you've been breaking your back over, every weekend, finally dies! You can't afford a new car, so you buy "someone else's troubles." AGAIN! In fact, by this time, what with: car-pooling kids to school, athletic events, ballet practice, music lessons, and other equally costly endeavors, you have two old cars, and one or the other is always on the "fritz!"
Oh! Did I mention that ugly word "braces?" I think this is another "rip-off' specifically designed by dentists, in order for you to pay for their kid's college expenses. Also, if you want your kids to get a really good education, you send them to private parochial elementary school. My God, are those tuition payments steep! Well, naturally, good old "Uncle Sam" won't give you a plugged red cent (let alone a nickel) as a tax deduction. Think about this one a minute. Your hard-earned money (about 30 percent or more) is taken away automatically, in order to build roads, pay for your Congressmen to RAISE their salaries (while telling you to tighten your belt"), and to send all the other kids to public schools, and buy their textbooks, and pay their teachers.
Let's face it!Without OUR tax dollars, the whole public school system would be WORSE!Why is it that the entire intelligentsia of the world simply cannot fathom this one single fact: if all of us "fools" stopped sending our kids to private schools (in one fell swoop) all of the private schools would close, all of the public schools would be overcrowded, everyone would get a worse education, and the costs of building new schools, redistributing everyone, and paying higher salaries to the better teachers from the private schools would escalate in geometric proportion! So, in effect, we pay double! Not unlike a double-barreled shotgun, but we're not entitled to any kind of credit, or tax relief. What a country!
Well, moving right along, somehow you eke out a living, get them through elementary and high school, and now the really BIG BUCKS drain your life's blood dry, like leeches, because college tuition rates really SUCK! Whoa! Hold on there pardner! You mean you didn't have the foresight to start a college savings fund, way back when the "Rabbit Died?" Shame on you! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!
Now, be patient with me another few moments, so you can hear the "Rest of the Story" as Paul Harvey would say. After you, as parents, have spent about five thousand per year per kid, to: feed, clothe, shelter, and educate them, guess what happens next? As you are rapidly approaching your "Golden Years" you have to go through another phenomenon known as "Empty nest syndrome." Why? Because they simply can't wait to get away from you, be independent, ignore all your advice and wisdom, and go out and make the same mistakes that you did!
Oh, yes, did I mention that other ugly word, CREDIT? This, my friends, is the greatest invention ever "conjured up" by the avarice-ridden business world, to accomplish one solitary purpose, and that is to DESTROY the American family as we once knew it. Patience, hard work, sacrifice, and "Lay-Away" plans are all old dinosaurs, passe! I WANT IT NOW! Put it on plastic! Sell your soul to the devil, who gives a big fat rat's rump?
I think all credit cards should be confiscated, and new, more honest ones, reissued with a more apropos name, like "Mephistopheles Map to Hell Plan, Unlimited."Gee, do I sound bitter? Pity! How in God's name could we have ever gotten through the last quarter-century or so, of debt? Well, to be honest, we didn't!
The kids are now young adults, grown and gone, wallowing away their lives in similar plasticity, and we are probably still making payments on our second or third mortgages! How Brilliant! Oh, not to worry though, if we are truly lucky, the nest won't be empty too long, because the older kids are now newer adults, who will invariably "pump out" some cute little grandchildren, beings they have some really good, willing and able, built-in baby-sitters. Wow! We can start changing messy diapers again! What a pleasure!
Another minor point just came to mind. While you were "busting your buns" getting through this rather expensive thing called "family life" . . . cussing, but paying your taxes and bills, and then standing in line at the supermarket, waiting to slap your hot dogs and buns on your usury-based credit card, did you ever happen to notice the people in front of you? You know, the ones buying STEAK with their WELFARE stamps! What's wrong with this picture? HELLO? As Will Shakespeare's character, Puck, once put it: "What fools these mortals be!"
As some books and statistics will tell you, there will always be "HAVES" and "HAVE-NOTS." This has never been true r, but there is a very covert flaw involved, consider the following: The stinking filthy RICH (top 10%) never paid their "fair share," nor ever will, because they hire the best lawyers and accountants to legally evade taxes via several "loopholes" that we (the vast majority of middle-class taxpaying DUMMIES) are either not aware of, or simply can't afford, such as: oil depletion allowances, reserves for contingencies, offshore investments, stock market "roulette" (or capital gains tax avoidance), as well as other "perks," corporate umbrellas, and stock manipulation "deals."
By way of footnote, did you know that Congress members are neither in the Civil Service Retirement System, nor Social Security? They created their OWN system, which is much, much better, and guess what? They were kind enough to let us PAY FOR IT! How gratuitous our representatives are!
On the other hand, the opposite end of the spectrum, the stinking filthy POOR (about 10% also) will never ever pay their fair share either, because "Big Brother" in his many and diverse forms, takes our money (automatically, through payroll deduction) and reallocates it, because we're stupid, and would just "blow" it anyway!
Does anything about this smell just a tad "FISHY?" So, what does all of this gibberish have to do with the price of eggs, anyway? Who knows? Who cares? But America is the Greatest, Richest nation in the world! Why certainly it is, because it has a preponderance of unlimited, ill-informed "backers" known as, "We, the People."
No doubt you have previously heard of the application of the "80/20 Rule" in many facets of life and business, right? You know, the one that says that: 80 percent of the people do the work, and the other 20 percent reap the profit. Well this is what is going on now. We, the middle-class (80%), do all (100%) of the work, pay 100% of the "tab" and the other 20%, the RICH and POOR, reap 80% of the benefits. "We" are the Lambs, following and wallowing in our own "sheep-crap," on the way to the slaughter, while half of "They" are the "Shepherds," high and dry in their immaculate "Ivory Towers," calling the shots. And the other half of "They" are the blemished ones, the rejects, just tagging along with their "little tails behind them," or rather, RIDING in the wagon, while "We" PULL THE LOAD! Now do you understand why we are STUPID?
In the beginning was the word, and the word was, "Giggle G.," so what has the foregoing babble to do with her, or giggling, or for that matter laughing? It explains why neither she, nor I, nor you, nor any middle-class American family has anything to giggle or laugh about.
You can love your partner-in-life. You can be: faithful, trustworthy, loyal, kind, cheerful, brave, clean, and reverent BUT a BIG, BIG, BUT if you are not THRIFTY, you will have financial problems.This will result in stress, and eventually will have a high probability of threatening and ruining your marriage. "Time heals all wounds" is a BIG, BIG LIE!
Where in the world is Giggle G.? GONE! DEAD and GONE! What once was, is now history. She, like every other "helpmate" who thinks that the "Ship of Marriage" is sinking, will scurry down the hawser lines, with the cunning and agility of rodents that don't want to drown.
So, get your "bilge pumps" going now, and repair the holes in the hull. Pay heed, change your ways, or suffer my fate. It is only a matter of time. The Fat Lady Is Finally SINGING!
ADDENDUM
Oops, as was pointed out by one of my avid readers, I left out a BIG part, the part where we: work hard all of our lives, pay taxes, obey the laws, rear our children to be good citizens, and then finally reach the "Golden Age" of Retirement. Then the "Great American Health Scam Rip- Off" starts. Medicare and Medicaid, these are two of the greatest "Boon-Doggles" ever created by "Big Brother" and over-bloated, corrupt, selfish, pompous, and ignorant, ostrich-like Congress persons.
Old people who should be respected and cared for ABSOLUTELY FREE, get sick (gee, what a surprise!), can't afford prescriptions that somehow aren't covered by (the RICHEST Industry in the world) Insurance (who do you think owns most of the huge bank buildings, skyscrapers, and office buildings in every major city and metropolis in the United States?). So these poor old "geezers" now have a great future.
They can: eat DOG FOOD, lose their HOMES, anxiously await for their dearly beloved children to shove a "Power of Attorney" under their noses to sign, and then get SHIPPED OFF to the OLD AGE HOME! What a country! Instead of these proud, dedicated, loyal patriots being HONORED and treated like Veterans of Wars, with FREE Government Healthcare, paid-up life insurance, and a whole gamut of other benefits, they are shoved in a corner and left to ROT and DIE! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!
Exactly twenty-five years ago, on the Bi-Centennial Celebration of the Fourth of July, a fine gentleman (whose name escapes me, because I'm getting old and brain-dead) wrote and published an article addressed to Congress, entitled "The Primrose Path" I believe. This was a FULL FRONT PAGE AD that was printed in almost every major newspaper across this country,and PAID FOR by private funds! This patriot admonished Congress for their many, many FAILURES, and it was so beautifully written that I almost cried. EVERY SINGLE WORD OF IT WAS TRUTH!
I wholeheartedly recommend taking the time to contact your newspaper company, and try to get a reprint. My original is safely tucked away with some other valuable papers. So, where does that leave us? NOWHERE! Because nobody had the "gumption" to pick up the torch and carry it! Well, almost nobody! Anyone ever hear of AARP?
The American Association of Retired Persons, is currently the forerunner and Champion of protecting the rights of our Mothers and Fathers, Grandmothers and Grandfathers, Aunts and Uncles, Brothers and Sisters, in short eventually YOU and ME! As stupid as it may sound, I just recently was advised by a professional author to submit this article to AARP, to see if they would have any interest in publishing it.
I can tell you this: if they do, and I am paid for this "Labor of Love" I hereby PLEDGE to donate one-half of said net remuneration BACK to AARP, if it is a Non-Profit Organization. I honestly don't know. If this article ever sees the "light of day" I would Pray to my God that somehow, somewhere, someday it would be an impetus to start a groundswell of "Grass Roots" efforts to STOP procrastinating, and DO SOMETHING to CORRECT these terrible ILLS of our Society!
WE, THE PEOPLE, DESERVE NO LESS! Is there HOPE? Oh, you bet your sweet Bippie! Buy tickets, lots and lots of tickets -----LOTTO and BIG GAME !!!!!
Comments? E-mail me: poesyco.bigfoot.com
Harry K. Paean (pronounced: pain)
"No Paean, No Gain!"
P.S.: don't bother looking for the name, it is a pseudonym which I made up, in order to protect the "Innocent," ME!
