I was young and had just ended a very bad marriage. A marriage that left me with a little baby girl to take care of for the rest of my life alone. I had hoped and longed for my marriage to survive but alas it could not even hold out for more than three years. I was alone in this world of torment of trying to find a job, babysitter and an apartment for my child and myself. At the age of eighteen I was trying to be a grown-up before my time. With luck I did find a two bedroom upper apartment that was in the same small town as my mother and father. An apartment that I thought I could afford. I had also found a job in a factory twenty miles away that supplied the monies for the essentials like food and shelter. I had been looking for a babysitter and the gods were with me for I found one just down the street from my apartment. Moving day came and the only furniture that I had to move was a baby’s crib and a high chair. The rest would have to wait until I could afford to get used furniture. I had packed all of our clothes and cooking utensils in the old Ford that I was to use for a while. I made many trips up and down the stairs on that moving day. While I explored our new home I found a roll-a-way bed in a closet. This would be my bed. Such luck to find such a treasure to add to our new home. Moving had been hard work but it was a labor of love for my child so she could have a nice home where she could grow up to be a beautiful child. I was happy and my little girl was happy. That’s all that counted in those lean by gone days. For the next few months I would go to work in the morning and come home to take care of my little girl. We would cook a TV dinner and we would share it together before playtime. We would play and clean house everyday after an eight-hour day at work. I would give my baby a bath before bedtime and read her a story. She would lie down in her crib and look up at me with those beautiful eyes of trust and understanding. Then is when I would find that I lead a lonely life with no one to share the joys that I experienced with the raising of my child.I put those lonely thoughts out of my head for I didn’t have the time or the energy to try to find someone to share these things with me. I didn’t need to get involved with anyone at this time in my life. I had lots of things to do with my time and what little monies that I earned. My main objective was to survive and make a home for my daughter.Money was very tight for after paying the rent, lights, gas, car payment and the babysitter there was very little left for food. New clothes were just out of the question. When I got my first check from work I thought that I should try and find a used couch then I would at least have something in my living room just in case someone would come and visit us. I went down to the used thrift store and I was in luck I found a couch that made out into a bed for ten dollars. This was a prize that I couldn’t let go. It had been reupholstered in a gold fabric. This would go nicely in our living room. So I bought it and put it on top of my car and drove home. It was a trick to get that couch up those stairs without help. I remembered that I had a friend from school that might be able to help. I did go to her house and ask for help with the couch. She was delighted to know that I had moved so close to her and her family. She helped me get my new couch up the steep stairs and into the living room. My first prize possession was my couch. Since I bought the couch I had used all of the money that I had left from my paycheck that week. My daughter had food that she could eat until I would get paid again the next Friday and then I would have to buy a little food for me to eat. In the town that I lived there was a poultry house where I could go and buy something called checked eggs for a quarter. These were eggs that weren’t good enough to sell to a store for people to buy but I could buy them directly from the poultry house. They had been candled and they were deemed to be imperfect for the grocery store. I would buy these eggs for that was all the money I had for groceries. This would be my food for the week. Twelve eggs doesn’t seem like much but for me it was a feast. I could cook and egg after work and eat it while my daughter had her meals. It would sustain me until I could afford more food. My friend from school started coming over and we would sit on the couch and laugh about how we got that thing into the house. She would help me with my daughter after work and our friendship grew into being best friends. She thought that I need to get out and go on a date. I wasn’t ready to date. I had to many grown-up things on my mind. There wasn’t any time for fun just for me. There were the clothes to wash in the bathtub and the dishes to wash in the sink. The house needed cleaned and my daughter needed me there with her. I didn’t need to be out on any dates yet. But my friend didn’t think that she thought I should be having fun and seeing other people. Trying to find someone to share the burdens of my life and the joys of my life with some one that would care for my daughter and me. But I wasn’t ready and she said she wouldn’t give up on me not yet any way. My days were full of work and caring for my child and our home. I couldn’t let my lonely feelings get in the way of life. As I understood my life it was to work for money, pay my bills and take care of my child. These were the important things to me. Not letting a man in my life when it was hard enough just to feed us. One day my girl friend came by and told me that she had made a date for me with a man close to my age and she and I were to double date that night. She already had the babysitter ready so I couldn’t say no. She told me it was time for me to go out again. Not all men were like my former husband. I was so mad at her at first then I thought it might be fun to go out to a movie since I hadn’t seen one for over a year. The guys were to come over to my house to pick us up around six. I had to borrow something to wear from her and she helped me with my hair. I had let myself go she said and she would help me get back to my normal self. It was fun going through a few sets of clothes before we settled on a nice skirt and blouse. The guys knocked on the door and she went to answer it. I was so nervous that I couldn’t think of any thing to say. But it turned out that I didn’t have to say anything for when I turned around and saw the guy I was to go out with. I just stood there. Looking at this beautifully dressed man. His smile filled the room. It was like I was looking at him through a haze. Our eyes seemed to touch and were mesmerized by each other. Time just stood still. For the longest time we just looked at each other not saying a word. He was wonderful. We did go out on our date and had a wonderful time. He must of too because before that night was over he had asked me to marry him. He said that when he saw me it was love at first sight. He knew that I had a daughter and he didn’t care. He said he would love her like his own. And he has. We were married a year later by a justice of the peace. We have been married for over thirty-five years now. Our lives have been so complete that it’s almost a shame to share it with anyone.
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Beware of Abusive Behavior is good for anyone who may suspect they are in or about to enter into an abusive relationship.
Conquering Grief is written so that you can help someone else thr
