Kindle Edition Amazon Category:  Relationships Publisher: Independent ISBN-10:  1973359030 Type: Non-Fiction Pages: 129 Copyright: 2017 ISBN-13: 9781973359036 Price: $2.99 (eBook) The Breakup Band Aid is a 12-step program to help you kick the addiction to you your ex. It is a fun, lighthearted step-by-step guide that will help you laugh, which, let’s face it, we know you haven’t done in weeks. This how-to satire also includes helpful tips, do’s, don’ts, and activities to do after a breakup. Plus, the best breakup songs, movies, quotes and much more. The Breakup Band Aid has everything you need to get over your ex and under someone new without crying. Can’t get over your ex? We’ve all been there. Throwing your ex’s new girlfriend over a banister when you are drunk. Sleeping with randoms just so you don’t have to be alone. Crying incessantly in public. Can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah. Now, get the $.&% over it! In Sarah Melland’s debut self-help satire, she rips off a 12-step program and caters it to a breakup, all while sharing her personal catastrophic stories of how she tried to get her ex back multiple times and failed miserably. This “How Not To” book gives you everything you supposedly need in a breakup book. Plus, helpful insights as to how not to have a nervous breakdown or a restraining order. It will make you laugh out loud, cry uncontrollable tears, get in shape, travel around the world, and make you glow like the shining confident person you were always meant to be. Excerpt STEP 1: Admit You Are Powerless Over Your Ex WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN? You are a nervous breakdown waiting to happen. You can't even function properly. Every word out of your vacuous mouth is your ex’s name. You keep replaying every idiosyncratic part of your relationship in your head until it hurts too much to think, then you take a nap to escape the depression. Yes, admitting you have a problem is the first step. How simple is that? No, it’s not, because your dumbass thinks you two can still get back together. You have called your ex 50 times saying you are sorry and you will change on their voicemail. There is no more room on the voicemail, so you text the same exact thing. You bring over a care package with tranquil music, candles, condoms and a Caramello candy bar (his favorite) thinking you can reconcile. His roommate answers the door with an eye roll. You walk into his room. He thanks you for the package and shuts the door in your face. You scream, pounding on his door saying how selfish and what an inconsiderate prick he is. I walk out bawling, oops, I meant you walk out bawling. You have now hit rock bottom. Most exaholics have lost their power to think logically. Our willpower has become non-existent and we know no humility. Myself, obviously, included. Another sad part is you probably called in sick to work so you could stay home and cry. You try to clean your house spotless to get your mind off the breakup. You can’t eat right now. Food makes you want to hurl. Even your stomach is upset with the douche bag that broke your heart. Or you’re a comfort eater and need something to fill the void in your life of not having a significant other. Let the binge begin. Have you noticed your psychotic triumphs have been epic failures? Have people walked away from you because they sensed you were crazy? Have you gotten your ex back yet? If you are even reading these questions and pondering them, yep, you have a problem. Hitting rock bottom isn't so terrible, you have nowhere else to go but up:) Yes, I did a smiley face as punctuation in a book:) I might do it every time:) It will make you at least crack a half-smile:) Maybe:) Listen, your breakup is not horrifically bad. I take that back. It is egregious, only if you are in the LA area. All the guys are assholes. You are better off alone. Struggling actors and musicians all are feces on the bottom of your stiletto. They think they are the cream of the crop because LA is the land of opportunity. Where was I going with this? I don’t know. Don’t be lame and waste your time crying. Admit you have a problem.

Lighthearted look at a heavy subject
This book is fun, even though the topic is not. The storytelling is funny and captivating, the lists are on point, and readers get a great sense for what NOT to do. Looking forward to more from this author, as some of the stories she stays into seem like they could be a novel in themselves!

Laugh to forget
A satire breakup self help book - genius. No one wants to confess they need one but this buy won't require that admission. A comedic take on getting over your ex will have you laughing so hard you'll forget who had you crying in the first place.

Five Stars
Totally felt inspired after reading this book!