The most mysterious disappearance of the 20th century is solved as New York Supreme Court Justice Joseph Crater goes undercover for the FBI in this hilarious SCI-FI satire set in mid-century America, with an eccentric cast of characters including Amelia Earhart, J. Edgar Hoover, Orson Welles, German spies, Japanese submarines, space-folding transvestites, Mormon mafia, and recipe-obsessed nuns, exposing a galactic conspiracy of aliens intent on flooding the Earth through global warming.
Judge Crater was a real person. All that is known about his disappearance is related in the first few pages of this book: the Judge disappeared on the streets of New York in early August, 1930, after he said goodbye to dinner friends and headed out with a package under his arm to meet an unknown acquaintance at the Belasco Theater two blocks over and one block down. On page 4, he steps into darkness--and the fun begins!
Trigger Warning!
Will snowflakes, race-pimps, micro-sensitive politically correct marshmallows, and the Eastily Offended find Safe Spaces inside?
Heyll NO!
JUDGE CRATER TAKES A POWDER is Book 1 in the science fiction satirical novels: THE ADVENTURES OF MAGGIE, THE RADIATED LESBIAN NUN, featuring the birth of baby Maggie, who becomes the water-allergic derby queen of questionable DNA. Political correctness may never recover!
Don't miss Book 2 in the RLN series: CROSS-DRESSERS FROM PLUTO. Maggie grows up at a convent in Nevada and gets caught in a nuclear explosion.
And Book 3 in the RLN series: THE WARRIORS, a parody of the cult 1979 movie 'The Warriors', but with all-girl roller derby gangs in Los Angeles instead of all-male gangs in New York City. The Warriors roller derby gang is led by Maggie--all grown-up!
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Excerpt
The sun edged the horizon and threw more light over the scene to reveal a dozen cars, with new ones appearing steadily from the direction of Salt Lake City.
Edgar glanced at the motel’s sign. It read “Welcome Jehovah’s Witnesses—Utah Chapter.” Sensing trouble—as if more were possible—Edgar shot a glance at Lemon and Orange. They were staring at the sign transfixed, their faces fierce. One glanced behind as if scoping out a path of retreat.
Too late.
Even as they and Edgar watched, a car of young men in white button shirts and crewcuts pulled into the motel parking lot, another car of burly men in thick overcoats close behind. The Hudsons jerked to a stop. Bibles and bats appeared—they had been spotted.
Paulie tapped Bugs who stopped smiling. “Lookit! It’s No-Nose Knuckles!”
“Hey, yeah! And Pussy Louie, with Rat’s Ass Rudy! Howdaya like that?” They looked at each other. “What the hell is the Mauve Gang doin out here?”
Paulie elbowed Tony and motioned with his eyes for him to look to their Lodge brothers. Orangello and Lemongello were loosening the straps on their Mormon Latter-Day Bibles for quick access. Their hard look darkened as they saw the three Jehovah’s Witness youths similarly loosen straps on their Books. Neither side was prepared to back down.
The motel’s other visitors strolling across the parking lot began to sense something was up and stepped back to seek cover, not sure what was about to happen but certain it spelled no good for anyone, for the town or its inhabitants.
No-Nose, Rat’s Ass, and Pussy Louie lined up behind the three Witnesses, who stood stiffly but casually, as if they cared not whether they lived or died. Tumbleweeds rolled over the freshly shined shoes of the Jello Brothers, who took a step forward, hands drifting down, seemingly uncaring, but their thumbs never far from the Books hanging in felt pockets on their belts. Paulie, Bugs, and Tony spread out behind them, hands perched in coat pockets, their loyalty to the Chartreuse Lodge of the Latter-Day Masons too deep to be removed short of death.
The leading JW produced a toothpick.
Orangello produced his own. For a long moment he dawdled, exploring crevasses in his gums, as the JW did the same. Unsmiling, Orangello squinted up at the rising sun, its heat already beginning to bake down on the mortals whom fate had decreed must play out the savage scene, come what may.
After several minutes of silence during which no one dared move, Orangello steeled himself. Slowly stretching out one hand, he offered his toothpick to the lead Witness.
“Cinnamon. Want some?”
The young man, every bit as determined and hardened to his fate as Orangello, said nothing but also squinted at the sun. At length he showed his own toothpick, careful to make no sudden moves.
“Red Hot. Got all I need.”
Professional Reviews
NUTS! SAYS IT ALL
“Roberts interweaves historical fact with castles in the air, dubiousness and irony to create a fast paced narrative filled with the almost plausible as well as out-and-out incredible in this sardonic romp. . . For those who like a bit of sarcasm swathed in quirkiness and screwball circumstance; Judge Crater Takes a Powder should prove to be a worthwhile read. Happy to recommend [it] for those not easily dismayed, repulsed or dazed.” —Authorsden.com
The Wholly Book of Doo-Doo-Rot-on-Me is adult satirical humor featuring adult language and adult content, and the work is a parody of the Old Testament Book of Deuteronomy.
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