Learn how to turn off or tune out the naggers, whiners, complainers, tyrants and nit-pickers in your life and take back control of the real you.
All discovery is self-discovery. All growth is from the inside out. All of your personal development will come when and if you are ready and not according to the schedule, needs, whims, or desires of someone else. One of life’s many challenges is to try and get the other people in your life to understand, accept, and abide by these simple yet profound principles.
Life’s challenge is to be true to who you really are and who you are becoming no matter what is going on in your life or who is in it.
For some unexplainable reason, many people feel that it is their personal responsibility and often even their quest or mission to change someone with whom they are in a relationship.
In this book I am not assuming that anyone is perfect or that our life wouldn’t be better if we improved some behavior, attitude, or life philosophy. However, the question remains: Who is responsible for making these changes?
- A mother or father?
- Spouse?
- Relative?
- Friend?
- Boss?
- Or, myself?
The basic premise of this book is that we can all be better in some area of our life, but that it is no one’s responsibility other than our own to make those changes when we are ready or motivated to do so.
Sure, we might take longer to make some of these changes—some would call them improvements—than the people in our life feel we should, but as Eric Jung said years ago, "I was not put in this life to make you happy or to fulfill your idea of what my destiny or timing should be."
Why is it that many of the people in our life feel that “fixing us” is one of their major responsibilities? Who says they are right? Many of the people who have tried to fix me over the years could have used a little fixing themselves; but by saying that, I know I am implying that my view of what their life could or should be is better for them than their own.
I was not put here on this Earth as your judge and jury. I was not put here to get you to change according to my personal views. And I was not put here to criticize your behaviors, decisions, actions, thoughts, emotions, or beliefs. Sure, some of these may need to change (see, I did it again), but when and how is up to you and not me.
Everyone is on his or her* own life path to discovery. Everyone is given the opportunity to learn what he needs to learn when he needs to learn it. Whether he learns it now, later, or never, however, is none of my business—yes, even if I am his parent or spouse.
Some might say that it is the responsibility of a spouse or parent to teach. To this I would agree to some extent. Yes, a parent needs to help a child learn to dress, count to ten, and have good manners. Yes, it could be the responsibility of a spouse to teach his partner how he needs or wants to be loved, how to be more thoughtful and understanding. But, is it the responsibility of a parent to teach a child how to handle disappointment, adversity, or failure? Is it the responsibility of a spouse to teach his partner how to handle herself in social situations, how to dress, or what to think?
You decide. Because your decision could greatly impact your acceptance of the fundamental principle in this book and whether you enjoy it and benefit from it or put it back on the shelf un-read.
You are responsible to people but not for them. By this I mean that you are responsible to love, support, and accept those people in your life, but you are not responsible for the consequences of the decisions they make, the emotions they feel, the attitudes they have, the beliefs they develop, and the actions they take in any or all of life’s conditions or circumstances.
One of the greatest frustrations in many people’s lives can be heard hidden in the following statements:
- Why won’t she...?
- Why did he…?
- Will she ever…?
- Why didn’t he…?
Most of life’s disappointments are the unrealized expectations we have of other people’s behavior.
It is my intent in this short book to answer a number of thought-provoking questions that will appear from time to time.
You may disagree with many of the points, principles, or concepts covered in this book. That is your right. But please remember: It is my name on the cover, so you are getting my beliefs, perceptions, attitudes, and philosophy, not your neighbor’s, mother’s, spouse’s, or best friend’s. I guarantee that before some readers get to the last page they will think: “What an idiot.” “What an obnoxious person.” “What a jerk.”
Hopefully many others will understand that I am not telling you what to believe, think, or feel. My only mission is to ask you to discover a simple principle that can dramatically change the quality of all of your relationships, and that is: You were not put here to change anyone but yourself. To the degree you can accept and apply this simple lesson in your life, you will discover that more and more people will want to be around you and with you.
Of course the opposite is also true: that if you think your mission is to change me, and I am not ready to change, most likely I will spend a great deal of time avoiding you.
In the end, each of us wants to spend as much time as possible in the presence of people who help us or cause us to like ourselves better when we are around them. None of us likes being around people who make us feel stressed, insecure, unworthy, unloved, stupid, or bad in any way. Unfortunately these people are everywhere—in the classroom, bedroom, boardroom, shop floor, dance floor, kitchen, neighborhood pub, or the local fine dining restaurant.
Regardless of where they are, I want to avoid them like the plague. The problem is that this is tough if you are married to someone whose mission seems to be to tell you over and over again in subtle or direct ways that you are not O.K. unless you do, think, believe, act, or feel the way he thinks you should.
Excerpt
If you have anyone in your life who;
- Interrupts you
- Contradicts you
- Always agues with you about everything
- Doesn’t listen to you
- Tries to manipulate you
- Invalidates you
- Embarrasses you in public
- Tries to humiliate you
This book was written for you.
Naggers, Nit-Pickers and Tyrants can contribute to your low self-esteem, feelings that you are not worthwhile and increased stress. All of these can contribute to a lack of success, happiness and peace of mind.
If you want to learn to keep control of your life in spite of these people who are always trying to tell you how to feel, what to wear, how to eat, how to talk etc. read this book now.
I have had my share of Nit-Pickers and Naggers in my life and I can tell you after a while you start to lose who you really are.
Life isn’t as much fun. Success is just not as rewarding. And happiness always seems to be out of reach.
Take back control of your life and who you are now.
Dozens of Frequently Asked Questions regarding Pathological Narcissism, relationships with abusive narcissists, and the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
How to Be Happy Partners is the perfect tool for designing and creating a relationship unique to your individual personalities and situation. Written by the authors of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free, this is a clear and concise handbook on how
