Amira Press
Category:
Romance
Publisher: Amira Press
Type: Fiction
When running away is a mistake, is it possible to go back and make things right?
Tears ran down her cheeks. Cassandra was lying naked in bed with yet another man she had met at some party. Disgusted by the person she had become, she knew she needed to make a change. No one really knew who she was—except, perhaps, the people she had left behind when she had run from her home in Indigo, Texas, four years ago.
Restless, she turned away from him. Cassandra was tired of having a different man in her bed every week. She vowed that this would be the last time she took a man to her bed she did not love. She wanted a man who loved her. She needed someone who wanted to be with her for more than just her body. She craved what she once had with Brenden. Sadness overwhelmed her when she thought of how she threw away her relationship with him—the only man she ever loved and the father of her child. When she thought of going back, fear paralyzed her. When she left, she had not even bothered to tell him she was pregnant with his child.
Shaking her head,as if she trying to shake thoughts of the past away, she thought of the man beside her. Shame coursed through her body, God I don’t even know his name. How sick is that? Unable to rest, she rose from the bed and began rooting through a pile of clothes on the floor. Her hand found the thin fabric she was searching for. Cassandra looked down at the faded black T-shirt with its bright pink letters that said, “Loved by an Angel.” With shaking hands, she traced the letters as she remembered receiving the shirt.
Cassandra sighed as she slipped the T-shirt over her head. She glanced at the man in her bed, and tiptoed out of the room. She walked down the short hallway to the other bedroom in the small apartment. When she approached the bed, she looked down at Becca, her angelic three-year-old. Her blonde hair and green eyes were so like her fathers. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she reached out and gently touched her daughter.
“Oh my angel, we’ve had a hard life I know. I haven’t been able to give you all you deserve. I’ve had to leave you with a babysitter far too much, I’ve not spent the time I should’ve with you. I hope someday you’ll forgive me. I’ve always loved you, but I was young when I had you. It’s no excuse. I know I’ve been a terrible mother. You were born from such love, but I made bad choices. I hope I can be a mother you can be proud of from now on. I promise you from this point forward, life will be different.”
Choking back a sob, she looked away from the innocent child that slept nearby. She studied several of Becca’s drawings on the wall. Her eyes moved back to the sleeping child, whose even breathing never faltered.
“For a long time now, I’ve known I did a terrible thing. I took away your right to know your daddy. I was so wrong!” Cassandra sobbed quietly “I promise, baby, I’m going to make it right.” Her voice held a determined edge.
She knew her daughter did not hear her, but she vowed she would keep the promise. What she had to do would not be easy. She ran, and ran fast, from a life that terrified her. Now she would walk back and pick up the pieces. It would not be easy, but she knew things had to change.
She studied her child in the innocence of sleep. So sweet. She deserves so much better. Cassandra leaned over and kissed her daughter’s forehead, whispering, “I love you.” Careful not to make a sound, she moved away from her and out the door. The apartment was small and smelled of alcohol and sex. She rolled her eyes at the loud music and laughter that poured through the thin walls. She knew that yet another party was in progress next door. The offending sound increased her longing for the quiet peace of the small town where she had grown up. Cassandra studied the pictures on the wall. Sadness filled her as she moved toward the images. She touched the picture of her with the family who raised her. Oh how she had hurt them. A single teardrop fell as she looked at the picture of her daughter at the center of the trio of pictures. Becca had not even left the hospital when this picture was taken. The memory of Becca’s birth made Cassandra smile. It was the brightest day she could remember of the past four years.
When her eyes rested on the third picture, her heart sank. It always did when she looked at him. His spiky blonde hair and ocean green eyes made him so handsome. The strong features of his face held a certain sensuality that she always adored. She pressed her lips to her fingers, and then traced the outline of his mouth.
When she had left Indigo, she believed she was doing the right thing. Although she knew now that she had not, she always believed things had gone too far to turn back. So much time had passed. While she wanted to go back with all her heart, she did not know if it was possible to have what she once did in a town like Indigo. Would they welcome her or hate her? Taking a shaky breath, she realized she did not have a choice. There was no way she could keep subjecting Becca to this life. Her little girl deserved better.
Cassandra turned away from the pictures, moved to the window, and looked down to see a myriad of drunks and homeless people milling around in the alley below. Disgust welled up from deep within her. What was she thinking trying to raise a child like this? Faintly, she could see her own reflection in the dirty window. Long, honey blonde hair hung loose around her small shoulders. Her high cheekbones and heart shaped lips stood out in the reflection she saw. Remembering a time when she had felt beautiful, she ran her hands up and down the sides of her body. Although much the same as it had always been, her thin five-foot, four-inch frame appeared ugly to her now. Behind her, she saw the profile of the man she had been with coming out of her bedroom. His footsteps were heavy as he came up behind her.
“Hey, baby, where’d you go?” His voice was gruff.
Cassandra spun around and met the man’s eyes. His lust was evident as he moved closer to her. She took a couple of steps back to avoid his touch.
“What’s wrong, baby? Why don’t you bring your cute little ass back to bed?”
Cassandra raised her chin a notch.
“You need to leave.” The icy ring to her voice surprised even her.
“Come on baby” The gruffness in his voice irritated her.
“Leave, now!”
“You little bitch! You weren’t screaming no a few hours ago,” he snarled as he walked away. Cassandra heard him muttering curses just before the bathroom door slammed. The water whistled out of the pipes, drowning out the curses he continued to spew. She heard the bathroom door slam against the wall as he opened it, and by the heavy sound of boots as he stalked around, she assumed he was gathering up his belongings. When the front door slammed shut, she let out the breath she was holding and felt the tension ease out of her shoulders. She was grateful to be alone.
Cassandra moved away from the window and looked around the apartment. The dingy flowered wallpaper and dirty tan carpet made her sick. She took the few steps necessary to enter her kitchen. Opening a cabinet, she pulled out a coffee mug. As she set the cup on the counter, a cockroach scurried from one end of the counter to the other. Taking a deep breath, she gathered her courage and determination and crossed the room. As she grabbed the phone, terrible regrets assaulted her. Taking a deep breath, she dialed the number of the one person she trusted in her life.
“Hello.” The familiar voice of her best friend greeted her.
“Reese, it’s me. I need help.”
Excerpt
“You know I used to swear you were an angel. I often wondered where you kept your wings. That smile and infectious laugh, it got to me, Cass, every time. No matter how bad you tried to be, there was always such goodness about you. It just oozed off you. You inspired me. You made me want to be a better person. You made me need to deserve you.”
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