Most people probably wouldn’t laugh while dangling upside down from the side of a 430-foot cliff. Then again, most people wouldn’t be stumbling around a mountaintop wasted out of their minds on a pitch-black night. I was a little annoyed after noticing the torn front pocket of my new jeans the next morning, but my indignation quickly faded when my friends explained what happened. My pocket had become hooked on a tree limb as I plunged towards certain death. My friends went on to explain how they had formed a human chain and pulled me to safety. I thought they were joking until they drove me back up the mountain to see for myself. I haven’t stepped within twenty feet of a cliff edge since that night. Thank you, my friends. Thank you, Levi-Strauss. And thank you, Guardian Angel.
I suppose most people might have learned something after experiencing a brush with death. It should have served as a wake up call that my huge appetite for drugs and alcohol was out of control. But it didn’t, not even after several more near-misses. By age 21, I’d managed to destroy four cars and my driver’s license was revoked indefinitely. The last part of that sentence had something to do with smashing Dad’s Ford Fairlane into a parked car while under the influence of barbiturates and alcohol. Most people would have learned something, but I wasn’t like most people. I was young, angry, and an addict in the making. In fact, twenty more years would pass before I finally got the memo.
This book is about my life story. I didn’t want to write a book about myself, but couldn’t think of another way to fill the pages of a book about beating addiction without including the events leading up to my own struggle with alcohol and drugs. Nor would I be able to share with you the life changing experience that cured a twenty-year addiction. That’s right, cured. I’m not a recovering alcoholic. Most addiction professionals will tell you the opposite. They will swear up and down that no addict or alcoholic can ever be cured and will forever remain in a state of recovery. They will have you believe that every addict is always just one drink or pill away from total relapse and ruination. Addicts are simply far too fragile and helpless to ever hope to defeat our addiction, they assure us. Our only hope is through rehab, group therapy, and attending 12 Step meetings for the rest of our lives. While this approach might be helpful for some people – and I’m not saying it isn’t – there is a simpler way to kick the habit, based on 3 Steps of A.A.’s 12 Step program, and that’s what this book is about.
But the 3 Steps approach to beating addiction doesn’t apply only to alcoholics or drug addicts. The same three steps can be used to overcome any type of addiction, including food, sex, money, internet addiction and more.
Stress is the number one cause of relapse for most addicts. Nothing triggers the urge to swill booze or score drugs like a fight with your spouse, being laid off from work, or any number of stressful situations that come along in daily life. Although we can’t avoid stress, we can learn to control the way we react to it. The solution is two-fold… simplifying and prioritizing. In the following pages, you will learn how to do just that, using 3 simple steps. Of course, I learned those 3 steps the hard way. My father always said I’d learn the hard way and he was right. I’m sharing some hard earned lessons with my fellow addicts so they won’t have to follow my path. After spending more than half my life complicating nearly everything, and drinking myself into oblivion as a result, I learned to appreciate the simple life. Simple is good.
I hate long, boring book introductions and prefer to avoid using big words when a short and simple one will do just as well. Some writers seem to love both. I suspect some feel it’s a way to impress others with their superior intellect, or maybe they think it’s what you’re expected to do as an author. You won’t find much of either in this book. What you will find is a true account of the life of a former addict, how he became one, how he struggled through it, and how he was cured – written in plain English. And, oh yeah - I promise it’s not boring.
Excerpt
The Innocent Years – The Problem Behind The Problem
I was pretending to be Superman when my mother’s frantic cries for help brought a sudden halt to my game. I ran towards the kitchen faster than a speeding bullet. But a Superman t-shirt with a bath towel tucked into the collar didn’t give me superhuman strength. Peering just below the vinyl seat of our yellow kitchen chairs, my eyes widened as Dad pinned my mother to the cold linoleum floor. He was a large man, standing 6’1”, and Mum was 4’6”. The image seemed surreal, like a horror movie, and I stood frozen in fear. There was an odor of carnage as dad hovered above her. Maybe it was the mixture of sweat and testosterone rising from his green work shirt. Pure, unfiltered terror flooded my body and my heart beat so fast it seemed to smash against my ribs. Dad was hurting Mum. Nothing can be more terrifying for a four year old. A young boy’s mother is his world. She was my life giver, my first love, my heart and soul. The thought of anyone harming her was truly horrifying and beyond my comprehension, especially when that someone was my father. Hearing my big sister crying hysterically and begging dad to stop only added to the horror.
Believing I was Superman, leaping on Dad’s back seemed the right thing to do. I would save the day, just like on television. The bad guy would quickly surrender once he realized I meant business. I’d amaze him with my super strength, wrestle him away from Mum with a stern face and furrowed brow, adding a few appropriate words for good measure. He would plead for mercy, beg Mum for forgiveness, and all would be well again. She would call me her hero and we’d all live happily ever after. At least that was the plan. Grasping the thick collar of Dad’s shirt with both hands, I reeled back with all my might. The results weren’t quite as I’d anticipated. I kept tugging and pleading with him to release her. But there’s not much a small boy can do to extricate his mother from the underbelly of a raging 220 pound man. Surprised and annoyed, he flung me off effortlessly. I tried again. It was as if he’d discovered a spider had crawled down his neck. “Get the hell off me”, he growled. He flung me across the room and I shared a swirling view of the pale yellow ceiling tiles with Mum. It was enough to divert his attention and he released her. He glared down at us and cursed to himself as he lumbered through the kitchen door and down the hall. In much the way an angry bear lumbers off into the woods after attacking a group of campers.
Dad always reminded me of a bear. He was a barrel chested man with thick, hairy wrists. His fists were large and solid, like two sacks of ball bearings. His chest protruded when he walked, shoulders arched back, as if he was balancing something on each one. He was. It was a grudge, a chip, and he carried one on each shoulder. His face always challenged anyone passing by to knock it off, which was also one of his favorite expressions. Dad had the eyes of a grizzly, too, when someone aroused his anger; and it didn’t take much. It could be something as small as dinner not being on the table at five p.m. sharp or the newspaper arriving late. God help the paperboy who delivered Dad’s Boston Globe late.
Professional Reviews
Reviewer's Choice Award 2012
As a recovering alcoholic, I have tried every program there is. I didn’t like the whining at 12 Step programs and discontinued going. However, when I read Farish’s book on his history of abuse I took a new look at where I stood. This is a book that is honest and straightforward. Alcoholics Anonymous is a great program but it is not for everyone.
Farish's honest, open discussion about his use related to what I was feeling. He knew there was a problem but he could not control his abuse. When he went into rehab many said he wouldn’t make it- he would be the first to fail. Parish took this information and resolved to do the best he could and beat his addiction. He worked the program in his way- he found a Higher Power to guide him. Not everyone is religious and Higher Power means different things to different people.
There are many times when an addict has the best intentions, but a cookie-cutter treatment is not for everyone. Farish made a decision and he stuck with it. It worked for him and I’m sure it does for many others.
Once you start reading this book you will not be able to put it down. In no way did he bash AA or inpatient programs. He was very honest in his opinions. “3 Steps to Recovery” really is a must read for all of those suffering from addiction.
5.0 out of 5 stars Wicked Good Book!,
This book is awesome! The author is witty and has a great writing style. He can bring you from sniffles and tears to laughter in a matter of just a few sentences. His sense of humor is awesome. He takes you inside his own life in a way that anyone can relate to. It's not one of those books that is any way "preachy", it's staright up for REAL! He gets to the nitty gritty of addiction and recovery, with no BS!
I'm really busy and it takes me forever to finish books, but not this one, I couldn't put it down! I will definitely be looking for more to read by him! Not only was it a wicked good book, but his story is a real inspiration!
5.0 out of 5 stars Easy to read and hard to put down
Dan Farish writes just as though he were talking to you. Sometimes he leans forward, takes hold of your arm, and looks you in the eye. That kind of writing makes 3 Steps to Recovery engage the reader from the painful workings of Farish's dysfunctional childhood family through the depths of a life wrecked by alcohol to the struggle of climbing out of the darkness.
It is commonly believed that there is a genetic predisposition to addiction. Perhaps so, but this book makes a compelling case for childhood abuse sending someone into the entrapping arms of substance abuse. That path is clearly illustrated by the emotional wounding of a difficult childhood setting the table for the emotional numbing of alcoholism.
Either a person has experienced chemical dependency or one hasn't. For those of us who haven't, 3 Steps to Recovery is an autobiography that explains in vivid detail how a life can spiral down into the hopelessness of alcoholism. It would be hard to read this book without empathizing with Farish's journey. Much of that journey involves the experience of treatment. Typical treatment for a variety of addictions involves some form of the original 12-step program of Alcoholics Anonymous. AA has helped countless people get their lives back from alcohol but some versions of the program seem to present even more obstacles for someone with a drinking problem to overcome.
The experience Dan Farish had with treatment led him to distill the program down to three steps that were most important to his recovery. For those who have little patience with confessional programs and manipulative program leaders, 3 Steps to Recovery cuts to the chase. One of the criticisms often leveled at AA is the quasi-religious aspect of the organization. Farish freely acknowledges the spiritual component of recovery and illustrates it in a most convincing way.
The measure of success for any treatment program is the quality of life for those who have gone through it. Although his path following treatment wasn't always smooth, Farish's life subsequent to treatment is a testament to the effectiveness of his approach. 3 Steps to Recovery is easy to read and hard to put down. I believe it can show the way to a restored life for many. Enthusiastically recommended to those with an addiction, to those affected by someone with an addiction, and to those who simply want to have have a better understanding of what it's like to become an alcoholic and to recover from it.
We Will Stone Him is a raw, unfiltered trauma memoir about surviving childhood abuse, emotional manipulation, and the lifelong wounds that follow. This true story marks the beginning of the Rising From The Ashes Trilogy, John Gambacorta and his survi
(Richard M. Feldman) Ever since I was a young boy, the only thing I wanted to be was a cowboy. I wanted to own and work on a real ranch, with cattle and horses. Especially horses.
While I never became a cowboy, considering everything I have done
