Kindle Edition
Amazon
Katya Cole Author Website
Category:
Women
Publisher: PassIt Publishing
ISBN-10: 0615861199
Pages: 250
Copyright: Sep 2013
ISBN-13: 9780615861197
Price: FREE! (eBook)
Numerous books address beauty and body image concerns as they relate to media and culture. But what if those issues exist under an additional layer of shame and distortion, namely sexual abuse?
To feel like the ugliest person on the planet and also be convinced that beauty and sex determine worth is without a doubt overwhelming and heart-breaking. This coming together of two very opposite poles—this performance-based paradox—is poison to a woman's soul. These poles that are similar in nature have distinct origins as well as opposite pulls, one magnetism being sexualization and shame; the other draw being a mixture of sexulization and pride. One tug is to hide the body in all circumstances; the other is to reveal more of the body at all costs, but neither is what God intended.
In Deathbed Beauty, Katya Cole tells the story of her journey through Beauty Insecurity, explores these poles, and evaluates God’s Word to define real beauty.
Excerpt
What's it like to be "mistreated me in a sex-filled society" (and on top of that also be married)? I applaud the many books that address beauty and body image issues through the lens of Biblical thinking as they relate to media and culture, but I've yet to find one that takes a peek at those issues when they exist under additional layers of shame and distortion.
Enter Katya.
The nature of sexual abuse is devastating. Sexually abused children are taught early on that their sexuality defines their worth. At the same time, what was done to them makes them feel dirty and disgusting. These children, me being one of them, are presented with a challenge that they seemingly cannot win. Sex, beauty, and a bombshell body bring worth, but dirt-covered bodies don't. That's quite the absurdity. It's like clipping the wings of a bird and then tossing off the edge of a cliff with the hope that it's going to fly. She's convinced she's dirty and defiled, but she may also be determined to earn her importance through the only means she (or he) knows how. To feel like the ugliest person on the planet and simultaneously be convinced that beauty and sex appeal determine worth is without a doubt overwhelming and heart-breaking.
This coming together of two very opposite poles-this performance-based paradox-is poison to a woman's soul.
The ultimate oxymoron. When these related yet opposite pulls come together, they create a volatile formula for a lie-filled life, one lie being that "beauty" brings acceptance, love, and worth. And apart from God, these lies are downright deadly.
A great deal of what I will be sharing will most likely somehow trace back to my history with sexual abuse. Naturally, it's all very integrated to me, like a big bowl of spaghetti. Where one noodle ends and another begins is often times a mystery to me. In Deathbed Beauty I will share my stories, my research, and the truths that I've learned. I will explore these poles of Beauty Insecurity with the following approach in mind:
I'm a firm believer in storytelling. The Bible often teaches through the art of it, and as a woman I'm undeniably highly relational and emotional. Surprised? Didn't think so. Women tend to speak from the heart, expressing emotions and memories that have a deep meaning. Women describe these stories to each other in great detail, generally in a face-to-face manner. Even Doctor Emerson, author of Love and Respect, will tell you that you'll rarely witness two or more construction workers sitting across from each other at a coffee shop, gazing into each other's eyes and reporting out on the week's happenings while describing every emotion in great detail. Of course, this face-to-face exchange is far more likely to occur when two or more women are present.
As a woman most likely speaking to another woman, I see great value in describing my emotions and investing in a relational experience with you even if it isn't in a face-to-face manner. Stories offer insight that generalized research simply cannot. In subsequent chapters I'll do my best to neatly lace together my research and my own personal experiences. More specifically, parts I and II primarily consist of stories, while parts III, IV, and V are research based, the sources being the Bible and medical/psychological studies.
My memoir entitled Embracing My Father's Shadow: Beauty from the Ruins of Sexual Abuse is an excellent prequel to Deathbed Beauty, though it's not required that you read it in order to gain from this book. As the title implies, I was sexually abused by my father when I was only five years old. More specifically, Embracing My Father's Shadow walks readers through my history with abuse and my life as a whole-the struggles, reactions, emotions, triumphs, truths that are found in Jesus, and everything in between-whereas this book hones in on a particular issue.
If you're here solely to redefine beauty, rest assured that Deathbed Beauty isn't just a book for survivors of sexual abuse. Perhaps your life was seeped through other circumstances (e.g. pornography, other forms of sexual exploitation, cultural expectations, messed up media messages, bullying, etc.). In short, much of what I'll address can be carried over to these much more general terms. Moreover, I write with the purpose of not only educating my readers on body image and sexual abuse issues but also making readers think. This isn't a "how to" book-Ten Days to a New Secure You. Rather, this book is designed to bring awareness. If I stimulate your mind to muse on something you haven't thought about before, if I provide you with truth (via the Bible), or if I offer you hope by pointing you to Jesus, then I've succeeded in my mission.
This book is not a deep dive into each and every possible effect of sexual abuse, but I do offer a special message to those with pasts similar to mine. I offer personal stories. I also offer research. I offer perspective. I offer a telling of my own search for beauty in light of my many snapshots...
There's a good chance you picked up this book because you can relate to me and my past. Or maybe you're reading this to learn how you can help others. Or perhaps something else has brought you to a similar place insecurity wise. It's possible that even if you haven't experienced abuse, you may also find yourself facing this enigma or at least portions of it. I'd presume that sexual abuse, eating disorders, and promiscuity aren't the only evils that can lead to this end. But regardless of the input, it seems that what pops out on the other end of the lie addition equation is the same for many of us. Various levels of self-doubt. Anxiety. Insecurity.
What's led you down this road of incessant insecurity? For me, my past is at fault. Boys are to blame. Pornography is liable. Abuse is responsible. My deadly insecurity story began with recommendations from the world.
That being said, I bet you would never guess that my Beauty Insecurity continues with judgment from the one and only, yours truly.
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