TOPS stands for Take Off Pounds Sensibly. They are a weight loss support group with chapters all over the world.
After five years in TOPS I made the difficult decision to undergo gastric bypass surgery. It took me three years to jump through all the hoops required by my doctor and insurance company. I read everything assigned and suggested and attended many support groups in addition to my weekly TOPS meetings. By the time the big day had arrived I thought I was well prepared, but I could not have been more wrong!
I woke up from surgery furious for what I had done to myself. I was also beset with a soul-deep sorrow. And although I had been told I would have no hunger for months I was, without a doubt, hungry! The gut-growling, gotta-eat-now kind of hungry.
Over the months after my surgery I continued to struggle with anger and also with sorrow. And I never did lose my hunger. I never experienced the fabled “honeymoon” that I had been promised where weight loss was rapid and nearly painless. What had gone so wrong?
Actually, absolutely nothing. Everything that happened to me was, to one degree or another, expected and even normal. I had just not been given all the facts prior to surgery. So, being the avid researcher, I started learning all I could about the psychology of weight loss.
What I have since learned from my research and from talking with other dieters, both those who struggle to lose their weight the “old fashioned” way and those who choose a surgical route, is that emotions play a large part in whether we succeed or fail at losing our excess pounds. All the planning in the world means nothing if we don’t first deal with our feelings because those feelings can cause us to fall into the trap of emotional eating. And emotional eating is our enemy!
In this article I will be dealing with three of the most common: anger, depression, and fear, but any emotion can arise along the weight loss journey. The trick is to be prepared for them.
As I quickly learned, anger and mourning are often the first emotions we encounter when we get serious about losing our weight. We are, after all, giving up our best friend, our comforter, our drug of choice. Anger and mourning can emerge as unadulterated fury, as it did with me, or it can emerge as a profound depression. If left unchecked they can quickly undermine your best efforts and you may not even realize it until the damage has been done.
Another emotion common to those who struggle to lose their weight is fear. What if losing weight changes my relationships? What if men/women start coming on to me? What if nothing changes at all? It is vital to your success, not to mention your mental health, that your fears be recognized and dealt with. For some this may mean seeing a mental health professional, preferably one trained and experienced with bariatric issues.
I recently picked up an excellent TOPS pamphlet entitled Emotional Eating that offers a small arsenal of suggestions for dealing with the emotions that may sabotage our weight loss efforts. These include: accepting your feelings, identifying your emotions, reaching out to members of your support system, exercising, relaxation exercises, self-soothing behaviors, positive visualization, expressing forgiveness for others and yourself, and prayer. In effect anything you can do to distract yourself that does not involve eating.
Very few people who try to “go it alone” succeed. A positive attitude, a good support system, including weekly TOPS meetings and perhaps enlisting the help of a mental health professional, are necessary to achieving success over obesity. By using all the tools at our disposal we can emerge from the emotional turmoil than can accompany weight loss, becoming both healthier and happier as a result.
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