The Beginning....Also known as the Honeymoon stage..
The abusers tactics.

     You meet. He is sweet. He has decided he wants 'you'. It doesn't take him long to choose you and to start the winning you over process. He is prince charming. He swears he isn't like the other men who have been in your life. He will love you and protect you.
 

     For women who have made bad relationship choices before or grew up with these type of men fall for this so easily. Even if they know better or don't want to. It happens. You want to believe that someone will and can love you and wants to protect you. There is something about females who have been abused before whether as children or adults that draws them to men who are what they are use to. It's like a big sign on their heads saying, "Hey, I'm use to abuse, I'll be your punching bag." And the guy has a sign around his neck clearly saying, "I'm an ass, an abuser of women and children, I can break you."
 

     Once the man has you, the prince charming has left through the back door, it can take a matter of days, weeks or months, but it comes. Sometimes in bits and pieces, small doses at a time, some men just give it all at once, lay it all out there the first time.
 

     At first you are stunned, shocked. You can't believe he has just done this to you. Whether it be a slap, a punch, a shaking, a choking, you can't think, let alone call the police. I remember the first time. Disbelief was my first reaction. I had caught him with another female, went into a rage and he threw me over the coffee table to keep me off of her. Then he yelled at me like I had done something wrong and put me in the car, all the while his god brother was there watching and listening. He drove us to our home [he had been caught at his parents home] and went inside and got my cat, Spauck who was 12  yrs old. I had caught him as a child, he was wild and so small and his ears were bigger than his whole body, therefore the name. I loved him. He put him in the car in the back seat with me and drove to the other side of the village. He stopped and told me to open the door and throw him out. I was bawling, tearing streaming so hard I couldn't see. He told me to do it again and that if I didn't he would and he wouldn't be nice. Shaking, I set Spauck down on the road, I felt like I was going to pass out. I sat back in the car and he sped off. I never saw spauck again.
     I was in such shock and so devastated over all that was going on that I took a whole bottle of Codine Tylenol. Of course a week later I found out I was pregnant with our second baby. The first was only 7 months old. This was all only the beginning. 

 

After the honeymoon stage is
worn off for him:

 

     For years I lived through his type of love. Whether it be physical or mental or verbal. It was torture. It was more than anyone person can or should bare. I knew the real man, the husban and father, to other people he was funny and nice, they couldn't see the facade. It was the same when his family was around. The mister nice guy routine. But for me it was a matter of survival, my only thought was survival...my kids were that survival thought.
 
     The verbal was the worst, tore me down hard, took everything from me inside. Sometimes it was ..if he didn't kill me, I would do it myself. And I as well as my family always thought that was what he wanted. My health got worse and worse. I was always sick, I gained a ton of weight. I had tooth aches, teeth that needed care. New Glasses. I needed surgery for Endometriosis. He would not let that happen of course. There was enough money for a new motorcycle or truck or game or whatever but never enough for mine or the childrens health care.
 

[ACCORDING TO THE NATIONAL ORGINIZATION FOR WOMEN

Although 572,000 of assaults are officially reported to federal officials each year, the most conservative estimate indicates 2 to 4 million women of all races and classes are battered each year.
 

Women who are battered have more health care needs and costs, and victims of domestic violence are being denied insurance in some states because they are considered to have a "pre-existing condition." ]
 

 Why we stay

     Why did I stay? That is the million dollar question to most everybody. At least those who haven't been in my shoes.

     I ask you..what would you do? Here is the senario; I had low self esteem before we even got together. I had an emotional issue when it came to the whole "father" thing, being that I hadn't seen mine since I was almost seven or heard from him. My baby needed a daddy. Then, What was worse...a bad daddy or no daddy? Of course after two years that was no longer a question or even in the senario. I couldn't go. I was scared out of my mind of what my life would be like. He had left twice in two yrs time and it was horrible with no money, place to live, no education and two babies.
     By then his abusive lies were so instilled into my brain that I couldn't see beyond them. "Noone else would ever want me", "I could never make it on my own", "I was worthless, a fat ass bitch". How could I live or get by if I was all those things. If all that was true...and it must be, after all, he said he loved me and treated me badly, just like, my father and my dstepfather. So there must really be something wrong with me.
      No matter how much my grandmother, God bless her, tried to tell me otherwise, or anyone in my family for that matter. Ididn't believe them, 'He' was the one telling the truth. I was scared out of my witts to stay yet scared out of my witts to leave. My mind was tortured with these thoughts constantly"What am I going to do? What if he kills me? What if I wig out so bad that I kill myself? What would happen to the girls? They'd be stuck with him."
     Then of course there was the whole thing of "prove it", I got to where I hated those words Everytime he did something..."Prove it", Marks are there, "Prove it was me". It's not my fault you can't walk..or whatever he would say. Hand prints around my throat..."that wasn't me", "prove it".
 

    I did try calling the police a few times, maybe eight. He broke the phones. We had to borrow one from my grandmother, he broke hers. I didn't know you could report the next day, or three days later. And even if I could, by then he was all 'love', "it'll never happen again". I had to believe him, I was to afraid not to. There the honeymoon stage would start again, well, for a week or three if I was lucky.
 

    Do you know how many women do not report these crimes against them because of these exact same reasons? Well, look above at the numbers I have given you.
 

      Women stay for so many reasons but I can tell you that it is mainly for all the ones that I did. My situation is not uncommon. It is the common instead. So many men today feel a lack of themselves, they don't have the self esteem or the self disaplan that it takes to be a man. That is the fauklt of todays society. The way women and men are raising their sons. Then you add onto that how easy it is for a womans self esteem to be blown away in todays times and it is a wonder there are any healthy relationships at all.

     My husband is not the only one to be a "momma's boy", her "baby", and that stays in their minds. I had to lay out his clothes, cut his meat, draw his shower water...etc.

    THE WAY SOCIETY LOOKS AT US

     Our country is not the only country that has abusive men, in some countries that is just still the way things are done. But our country is suppose to be the most civilized, the one 'set apart' from the other countries. The example of what life as a free person is. 
     What kind of example are we really setting though? Our prisons are full!! But most of the men who abuse their girlfriend or wife do not get what is disserving. A lot of women do not follow through with the charges due to fear[my opinion; the district attorney should be the one to say, "no, he is  being tried just like anyone else who commits assualt on someone". Of course then the prisons would run completely out of space.

     When other people find out that we have been abused..it's like, "why did you stay?" "you must not of minded it to much".. many other comments are made, judgements held over a woman who stayed. Well, we have already gone over why a woman would stay. But people understanding it is another issue all together.

     When a woman leaves her husband and doesn't have any money, no where to go, no job, she and her kids usually end up homeless. Not all of us are Jennifer Lopez in .......
We don't have that kind of resources availavble. Boy if we did, I would have used it years ago.

I am workingon this one, it is hard, being so personal..but I am getting it done slowly but surely. I hope to work on it everynight this week to have it completed.

..THIS WILL BE AN ARTICLE WORTH VIEWING!!!!