Three Good Reasons for Not Trying to Argue Perspectives

by

Bill Cottringer

     Perspectives are the convenient framework we use to better understand life and other people. They are the thoughts and feelings we have about our beliefs concerning the truths and realities that drive our behavior.  It might be a good idea to get a clear idea of how to best define the term perspective through its dynamics. Afterall, each of us not only have our own unique perspectives, but we are also likely to have our own perspective of what a perspective is or isn’t. In that spirit, here is how I have learned to view perspectives, based on just a little over eight decades of living.

     So here goes: A perspective is a personal viewpoint of a reality from where in time and place we are looking, which we believe is true to varying degrees, based on the strength of the feelings we have that convince us it is truer than any other different perspective is. And we can have mini perspectives about a single situation or person all the way out to a world view of life and people in general. That widens the differences even further. So why should we try to avoid arguing perspectives? Here are 3 good reasons for not trying to argue perspectives to at least consider:

1. Perspectives aren’t rational.

     Our thoughts, feelings and behavior define who we are. Although the interaction of these three things is too fierce to isolate as to which causes which or which is a result of which, human behavior is driven more by feelings than rational thought. At least this is the scientific perspective. And the bigger beliefs and perspective we develop may have started with some thoughts or facts, but it is usually the strength of our feelings that these beliefs and perspectives are the best we can capture at the time, which assumes the real responsibility for our behavior.

     When we begin to become humble in admitting our vulnerabilities, we realize that all we think we know may not be so, and then gradually understand that our perspectives, or personal points of view, are based more on feelings and intuitions than rational, provable ideas or facts. It is futile to argue feelings because they are the most fluid way of experiencing realities that words or thoughts can’t get close enough to. Our thoughts are in word form, and that only adds more abstract space between what we see and what are trying to talk about and those realities as they really are. This is why we invented music, art and poetry to do our “talking” for us.

     Still another problem here is not really knowing the backstory of another person’s perspective development, and maybe even our own backstories to a perspective which we may not fully understand. Many of our motivations are unconscious or at least semi-conscious, eluding our immediate conscious awareness.  And then of course, there is our unreliable memory that forgets things on purpose or due to the information overload that is drowning us all. Obviously translating these backstories, which are packed away in emotions, is just about impossible to articulate rationally. Why try? becomes the smart answer to its own question.

2. Opposite perspectives are necessary. 

        The resolution of conflicts between differences is a common goal of life. But both sides of this equation are necessary to make life work.  Our brains have one main function and that is to seek reward and avoid harm. When we learn how to outthink our brains, we begin to understand the necessity of all the many things we just think are virtually opposite or unresolvable. Without understanding the relationship between the traffic lights of red, yellow and green, we would have a lot more automobile accidents.

     So, one perspective is meaningless without something to compare it with, just like up and down, success and failure, or life and death. Without the perception of the back-and-forth flow between the differences we lump into a perspective, we might not have any sense of being alive. This is the Tao, or way of life that we yearn to experience. When we learn to stop making the artificial yang and yin judgments, we get much closer to this middle ground.

     So, our successes only become valuable and pleasurable to us, after we experience failure by comparison. The same is true for our religious or political perspective and even world views. In darkness, without any light, we can’t see anything. Opposite perspectives must rely on each other, for the experience to be experienced and appreciated, just like a refreshing dip in the cold ocean water on a very hot August day at the beach.

3. Perspectives aren’t polar opposites.

     Now we may get this idea from the brain’s search for rewards and avoidance of harm, which are easily identified as opposing sides to our team. But that doesn’t mean we have to continue dividing everything in the whole wide world into a war of opposites—better or worse, okay or not okay, right or wrong and so on infinitum. Perspectives are just different, not opposite in any way. The only opposition may be the perspective’s distance from what it trying to represent. 

     Seeing certain perspectives as being opposite from each other is too simplistic, or an artificial habit of dividing the world into this or that, yes or no, or right or wrong. Rather than seeing another’s perspective as being opposite from our own, it might make more sense to see perspectives as just being different sides to the same coin, where we may both be a little off the mark. At some point, either or choices need to become and-and ones.

     Take the two-party system of our country for example, or Republicans vs. Democrats. Research says one is made up under mostly an optimistic viewpoint, while the other is a pessimistic one. But in reality, both parties are optimistic that their perspective is the correct one, based on trusting that belief. And trust is the cornerstone of optimism. The best way to view this particular set of apparent “opposites” is to see each as merely a perception of reality, as how we would like it to be, rather than how it really is.

    Feel free to at least consider these three perspectives in relation to your own perspectives. The questioning of beliefs, especially the sacred ones, is a sure path to greater self-development.