When I got sober in 1995, I stayed sober for six months. That was when I left my ex-husband and I chose to drink again. I say chose, because nobody forced me to drink again. I wanted to. This was the experience that happened to me the week I went back to drinking.
I was drinking and I could not stop. I felt miserable and I was back into the abusive relationship. I could not leave because I was afraid, and I was too deep into that lifestyle. I looked into the mirror and saw death in my eyes; I wanted to end my life. I went to a park and I cried and cried. Actually I was yelling like a crazy woman. I started to pray. I was on my knees at the park, praying, and asking for help. I was not calm; I was not a pretty sight to see. I said "God help me!" I said some other things. I am not sure exactly what I said. I was so tired of being me, I was to the point that I would do whatever I had to do to stop drinking.
I had to let go and let God take over in order to help me. A couple of days after that I was back at that same park. I saw a homeless lady walking with a dog and a man with a cart. I had never seen her before. I was sitting under a tree. I was crying; she walked up to me and said; "What is wrong"? "You look too young and too pretty to look so sad". I said nothing; she smelled of beer and was very dirty.
I did not know what was going on. I just cried. She told me that she was staying in the park in a trailer for three days and if I needed a place to stay I could join her. She told me about herself. She was abused for 15 years and she showed me that she had metal screws and pins in her legs and arms along with scars from being beaten and choked.
She had no idea that I was in an abusive relationship and going down hill fast. She did not know me. This lady had no teeth; they were lost in the beatings. She told me her life story; all I could do was cry. I grabbed her and hugged her and began to sob. I never liked to hug people or look into their eyes, but I did with this lady. I cried and cried while hanging on to her. I said thank you. I never did tell her I was being abused. I told her "I am ok". She said, "Well if you need help meet me here tomorrow".
The next day came but I did not go back to the park, instead I went and got help. I went back to the program in a women’s' sober living home. I stayed there for 5 months, got sober and found a job. I am sober to this day. I believe that God sent her to talk to me in the park. I believe that this homeless lady was my Angel. I truly believe that God used her to help me. I did not know where that lady went as she was walking off that day, I watched her walk away but I did not see her turn or anything, I just did not see her as if she disappeared like an Angel.
I am so grateful for that lady. I have gone back to that park every once in awhile to see if my Angel is still in the park. I go wishing I could see her again to hug her and thank her for saving my life. I have been sober ever since. To this day I believe that God sent her to save my life. I believe she is my mirror image. I believe that if I drink and go back to my old lifestyle, I will be that homeless lady I met at the park. I feel that God uses all different kinds of people to help His children. Who knows you may be talking to your Angel today. I ask God that His Angels direct us all.
To read more about that experience go to chapter 2 in my book on the website below.
Copyright © 1999-2006 by Denise Contreras
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