Picture it.

Stop me if you heard this before.
This is nothing of mine but something I remember hearing. I found a copy on Google, but like my version better, (Yes, I know I said it’s not mine.)
I call it…
Happy Ending

Here we go!

Heaven was going through a state of remodeling and updating. Cleaning supplies, paint cans and stuff were all over the place.
A sign on the Pearly Gates stated, “Only those with Sudden, Violent, Tragic Deaths will be admitted today.”
If you don’t want to wait Go To Hell, (Not really, I added that.)

An Angel Receptionist told St. Peter there were three men in the waiting room.
“Very well…send in the first.”
The man walked in. St Peter offered him a cloud, and asked what his story was? The man sat down and began…

“I knew My wife was cheating on me while I was at work, so I came home early. I opened the front door and said “A Ha!
I heard nothing and saw nothing, but I knew someone was there. I went through the entire apartment searching but found no one. Then I went into the kitchen. Nobody there but I looked out at our balcony and found him hanging by his fingertips.
I was enraged. I ran out on the balcony, he yelled for help, I said, I’LL HELP YA!…and stomped on his fingers.
He didn’t fall so I got a hammer and started pounding his fingers.
He still didn’t fall.
I got a fingernail file and started flicking off his fingernails.
Finally he fell.
I watched him falling to the pavement below, but somehow he landed in the bushes.
I was beside myself! My adrenaline took over me! I was like a madman. I went into the kitchen, tore the refrigerator out of the wall, raised it above my head, went out on the balcony, and threw it down on him.
The excitement was too much for me and I had a massive heart attack and died.”

St. Peter, “Well that certainly is a sudden, violent, tragic dead, so you may enter Heaven…NEXT!”

The second man staggered in, sat down, and began his story…

“I like to work out, keep fit, and that sort of thing. I was on my penthouse balcony doing backflips, when I flipped off the balcony.
Fortunately I was able to grab onto the balcony below mine.

I was hanging there thinking how lucky I was, when a guy came out from the apartment. I yelled for help and he said he’d help me.
I thought of how lucky I was.
Then he started stepping on my fingers…What the…?
I have an iron grip and was able to hold on.
He stopped and went inside.
Lucky, Right?
NOOO…he came back with a hammer and started pounding my fingers.
I held on.
He was some sort of maniac. He stopped and ran inside again, and came back with something and started flicking off my fingernails.
I couldn’t hold on.
I fell.
It was a high rise and we were near the top.
I do a little skydiving and was able to control my fall and land in the bushes.
I was lying there, thinking how lucky I was, when a refrigerator came crashing down on me.”

St Peter said, “Well, that certainly is a sudden, violent, tragic death. Welcome to heaven…NEXT!”

The last guy walked in, sat down, yada, yada, yada.
St Peter said, “What’s your story?”

“Picture it…I’m hiding in a refrigerator!”