TEN THOUGHTS WORTH THINKING
by
William Cottringer


LIFE IS DRIVEN MORE BY THOUGHTS THAN PHYSICAL REALITIES.

Your attitudes, beliefs, expectations, understanding and judgments help determine much of what happens to you. For instance, if you have a positive attitude, believe you can do something and expect to be successful, you will work harder to do the things that will help bring about success. On the other hand, if you have a pessimistic attitude, doubt your ability and expect failure, you will sabotage yourself by not trying very hard to do any of the things that might lead to success. Even if you are "realistic" and expect mixed results, that is what you will get.

WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW MAY NOT NECESSARILY BE SO.

Your head is full of much incorrect and incomplete information. This is due to many unverified assumptions, faulty beliefs, wrong judgments, unfair expectations, oversimplified thinking and the tendency to exclude anything that doesn't fit neatly with what you already "know." You only begin to make progress when you realize how little you know. Then you can re-learn what you already know and haven't used, learn what others know and you don't, and dare to learn what nobody knows.

LIKABILITY IS A SIMPLE KEY TO SUCCESS.

Plain and simple likability is a small door that opens larger ones. Likability is a matter of appearing so average that you actually stand out. Being likable is just doing ordinary things like showing interest in others, listening to them, helping them get what they want and sharing your suspicions and secrets, all with genuine warmth, concern and a smile. Likability builds trust and trust is the foundation of personal relationships. Good relationships are essential to success and happiness.

WHEREVER YOU ARE IT IS FOR A POSITIVE PURPOSE.

It is difficult to see a positive purpose in life's tragedies and the other harsh things that happen, which you don't feel you deserve. But these "earthquakes" must be interpreted correctly for you to get an important message about where you are going and how to get there. Such earthquakes happen to let you know you are lost and need to ask for directions. When you interpret such events as "punishment" you get more lost.

THERE IS NO CLEAR BEGINNING OR ENDING.

The mind likes simple explanations to complex events. This includes the deceptive practice of seeing simple linear cause and effect relationships. In reality many more inter-relationships are going on below the surface that are inseparable. One example is the relationship between our thoughts and feelings. Another is our interaction with others. Yet another is the illusion of time. Everything you have done or thought in the past, effects what you expect of the future and both effect what you are doing in the present. The best solution to this dilemma is to be fully present in the now moment.

YOU CAN'T MAKE ANOTHER PERSON HAPPY, ONLY UNHAPPY.

You can waste a considerable amount of time and effort trying to please other people, which only results in frustration and failure. Only when you begin to please yourself by doing the right things that are enjoyable for their own sake, will you begin to demonstrate the happiness and contentment others can learn from. It takes awhile to see the futility of trying to change others. The only way to do that is to focus on your own likability and your approach to other people.

YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE WHAT YOU UNDERSTAND.

You have two basic functions in everything you do: (1) to adapt or fit in, and (2) to change what you are trying to fit into for the better. You become more successful when you blend in with what you are trying to change and get to know the details of how it works. The tendency is to prefer the second part of this equation to the first. This error in sequencing leads to incorrect information and lack of understanding. Fitting in first leads to discovering what actually needs changing and the best ways to bring about these right changes.

WHERE YOU ARE LOOKING FROM IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT YOU SEE.

What you see depends upon what you are looking at and that in turns depends upon where you are doing the looking. The object is to get the best and biggest view. You can do that by looking for viewpoints that open up to bigger ones. You know you are on the right track when you start noticing that what you see behind you differs from what you see ahead. You are making significant progress when you start reconciling those differences.

SOME THINGS AREN'T THE WAY THEY APPEAR

Sometimes up is really down and yes is no. People act on distorted perceptions as if they were as factual as gravity, failure is really an opportunity to start over again with better information, questions are more important than answers and change can bring about security and stability. Most important, we often embrace priority reversals without questioning them and end up as a dog getting wagged by its tail. Oddly, the discomfort from these illusions is what actually helps improve our visual acuity so we can see more clearly what is and what isn't. You always have to fail before you succeed so you can learn to stop doing the things that keep you from being successful

COMMUNICATION IS WORSE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.

We all have our own private interpretations of what our ears hear other peoples' mouths say that their minds meant. To this confusion add the endless variety connotations that follow words from one person to the next without any consistency. And on top of that add the misunderstanding that we can interpret non-verbal communication verbally, which we can't possibly do. The result is a tower of babble. The safest assumption you can make is that you are probably not communicating as well as you think. Choose your words wisely, think before you talk and clarify likely misunderstanding.

Practice thinking these ten thoughts and delete much useless mental clutter that will make room for the important things.


William Cottringer, Ph.D. is a business consultant, college teacher, sport psychologist and writer from Bellevue, WA. He is also author of You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too and The Bow-Wow Secrets. He can be reached at (425) 454-5011 or bcottringer.pssp.net