Big Ben Shot!
edited: Tuesday, September 12, 2006
By George E. Albitz
Rated "G" by the Author.
Posted: Tuesday, September 12, 2006
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BIG BEN ROFHLESSTERBOIGER THE STAR QUARTERBACK OF THE WORLD CHAMPION PITTSBURGH STEELERS WAS SHOT IN THE STOMACH WHILE ATTENDING A HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL GAME.
Hinkly Dinkly on Sports?
Findley, Oh…The entire Wild World of Sports was shocked and flabbergasted as Ben Rofhlessterboiger the star quarterback of the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers keeled over apparently in pain after being shot through the stomach during a high school football game where he sat along the sidelines as an honored guest.
Rofhlessterboiger wearing his traditional Black and Gold Steeler Uniform and no helmet appeared fidgety before the shooting as observers observed him holding an area below his stomach where his appendix used to be in an obvious display of phantom discomfort.
Suddenly for no apparent reason Rofhlessterboiger the star quarterback of the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers left the safety of his bulletproof chair and headed toward the snack bar for a hot dog.
Just as he passed in front of the visiting team bench the home team scored a touchdown and the designated celebratory cannon was fired.
The cannon ball ripped clean through the stomach of Big Ben Rofhlessterboiger the star quarterback of the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers and out his back leaving a hole in his body the size of a bowling ball.
Rofhlessterboiger who now resembles Fearless Fosdick of days gone by is expected to miss several games for the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers.
Bill Cowher, Head Coach of the World Champion Pittsburgh Steelers whose chin coincidentally resembles that of Fearless Fosdick said he was relieved by the incident.
I asked for an official quote?
“Everything happens in 3’s…Big Ben had a life threatening incident during the off season when he crashed his motorcycle. Then he had an emergency appondestimy. I was biting my nails wondering what the 3rd life-threatening incident would be? Now that it’s over, I’m glad it’s over!”
Initial reports seem to have been a bit cautious and Big Ben appears to be healing well and should be able to practice in a week or two.
This reporter asked Cowher about Big Ben’s amazing penchant for healing?
“Ben heals quickly…we view that as a Good Thing. We’re not sure exactly why but last year a few months after the Super Bowl, which we won by the way, he was struck by lightning. Doctors at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Facility say he may have gained some sort of supernatural powers which frequently happens after lightning strikes.”
A sudden question came to mind and I asked Cowher, “If he was struck by lightning…wouldn’t that be the first of 3 incidents and the appendix the 3rd…making this incident the first of another three?”
Just then a doctor came into the room and said Rofhlessterboiger was completely recovered and should be ready to play this week.
I looked to Cowher who shrugged his shoulders and said, “Then again, maybe he’s an alien?”