Hinkly Dinkly Reporting
With REAL NEWS that will knock your socks off!

Today’s headline:

MARTIAN MICROBES ANNIHILATED?
Scientist argues NASA probes may have found alien life and inadvertently killed it 30 years ago.

This is real news – Science Faction!

WASHINGTON – Two NASA space probes that visited Mars 30 years ago may have stumbled upon alien microbes on the Red Planet and inadvertently killed them, a scientist theorizes in a paper released Sunday.

The problem was the Viking space probes of 1976-77 were looking for the wrong kind of life and didn't recognize it, the researcher said in a paper presented at a meeting of the American Astronomical Society in Seattle.

This new report, based on a more expansive view of where life can take root, may have NASA looking for a different type of Martian life form when its next Mars spacecraft is launched later this year.

In the '70s, the Viking mission found no signs of life. But it was looking for Earth-like life, in which salt water is the internal liquid of living cells. Given the cold dry conditions of Mars, that life could have evolved on Mars with the key internal fluid consisting of a mix of water and hydrogen peroxide, said Dirk Schulze-Makuch, author of the new research.

One Viking experiment seeking life on Mars poured water on soil. That would have essentially drowned hydrogen peroxide-based life, Schulze-Makuch said. A different experiment heated the soil to see if something would happen, but that would have baked Martian microbes, he said.

Even Earth has something somewhat related. He points to an Earth bug called the bombardier beetle that produces a boiling-hot spray that is 25 percent hydrogen peroxide as a defense weapon.

Schulze-Makuch's research coincides with work being completed by a
National Research Council panel nicknamed the "weird life" committee. The group worries that scientists may be too Earth-centric when looking for extraterrestrial life. This reporter feels the nickname speaks for itself.

To this point everything you have read is REAL, I jazzed up the headline a little but the rest is straight off the AP wire…REALLY!

Of course as always I took the matter to Professor Penwose for analysis.

Professor…
Clearly this news is of astronomical magnitude and should not be discussed beyond the hallowed walls of my Club and certainly not without a fine cigar and a cognac, but I will try to give a quick interpretation.

Obviously we are quite fortunate the microbes were killed by the early NASA probes. Every photo of Mars I’ve seen shows a barren planet void of vegetation. It is reasonable to assume these microbes ate the plant life as they no-doubt would have done on Earth.

We certainly don’t need any Martian bombardier bugs walking around spraying everyone with boiling-hot hydrogen peroxide, although the upside would be helpful in fighting infections.

Tell your readers I see no cause for alarm and we should all continue to rest peacefully in our beds as any Martians who invade us can easy be flooded or fried, if the theory is dependable…then again it’s only a theory.

Penwose Out!
By George