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So you have decided to find the path to kink, find out if you are Dom or sub and once that is found how to proceed. I assume that, since you ae reading this you must be willing to do some leg work since not all sites are easily found, not all information readily available.
So you have decided to find the path to kink, find out if you are Dom or sub and once that is found how to proceed. I assume that, since you ae reading this you must be willing to do some leg work since not all sites are easily found, not all information readily available.
How do you proceed, I can give you some links, some pointers and advice but I cannot tell you how your relationship is to work or what will be expected of you by your sub/Dominant. Our lifestyle is quite subjective right down to one of our core principals, the concept of SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) safe, and sane are qutie subjective, what I consider safe or sane maybe ludicrous to some one else; for example there are those who consider breath control, blood sports, or the various forms of excrement play both safe and sane however I dont agree but I wont tell them that because it is their relationship and they can run it their way.
On to the meat of this peice
How can I tell if I am a Dom?
Well this question can be as complex as its counterpart. I would suggest looking back on your life and thinking about how you felt when you were put in a position of complete subservience, be it in the military or some other place. Did you enjoy being controled, having someone tell you when to eat, drink or attend to other functhions. Most people with a dominant personality will have a rough time in highly structured and rigidly controled environments.
During games as a child, say a game of Cow Boys and indians, did you want to be the one who was captured because you wanted to be tied and punished or did you want to be the one doing the tying and punishing. If you wanted the latter then you may probably be a dominant. However there is one heck of a big difference between dominant(in the lifestyle sense) and domineering; someone who is domineering does things in a nonconsensual manner without regard to the wants and needs of the one who is being dominated. Our lifestyle is based on love, trust, respect and wide open communications.
Before I can suggest ways of figuring out if you are a sub, maybe I should spend some time giving my opinion of what a sub is.
A submissive is a person who, confident in themselves and in what it is they wish to do, find liberation in the ability to give up varying degrees of control to one special person. That person is the submissive's Dom, he or she is the one who exerts control over the submissive, this control is allowed by the submissive and can be stopped if, at any time, the submissive feels that the Dominant no longer deserves the honor of controling him or her.
How to tell if you may be one? Well concider the questions I asked about Dominants are you comfortable with giving up control, being tied, being told what to do and in many cases how to do it. Then you maybe a submissive. I will supply some links later in this peice that will help both sub and Dom figure things out better.
I have copies of both Differnent Loving and Come Hither by Dr. Gloria Brame The first of her books, Different Loving, is more of a survey of the various forms of S/m and how they are played out by practitioners. Her second book is more of a humorous look at how to take common household items and pervert them for use in S/m. There are Dozens of books on the subject however I cannot speak to how good some of the information is since I do not own and have not been able to read them all.
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