Mostly Mind Over Matter?

By

Bill Cottringer

“Reality is hard to see, harder to talk about and hardest to agree upon.” ~The author.

     It has taken me awhile, but I think I have finally figured out something very important. We all spend a great deal of time trying to repair broken realities we don’t like and trying to create new and better ones we want. But this is all much easier said than done. Why? Because it is very difficult to get an accurate, complete and objective version of a reality we are part of and even more difficult to think about it and communicate it accurately and completely.

     Pause a moment and think about how we generally know reality and all the flaws in those sources (the myth of objectivity). We know reality by what our senses, perceptions, thinking, feeling, scientific method, higher authorities, experiences, intuitions, instincts and the media all tell us. These sources all have serious flaws, even our senses as evidenced by the many intriguing on-line optical illusions that are a click away. When all is said and done, we gather the information we can and then let go and have a certain degree of faith in its validity. That doesn’t even count all the assumptions we make without verifying their accuracy. 

     From there we rely on a very imperfect system of language to think about what we think we know to be so and try to communicate it to others. We often don’t even acknowledge a serious error underlying this process. Much of the experience of something comes in the form of a non-verbal feeling that we try to translate verbally. I seriously question if that can be done by anyone other than serious poets, literary geniuses, great artists and fantastic musicians. Being a common writer, look how I am struggling to talk about something I have been experiencing for over four decades.

     Like anything else, once we really take the time to understand the complexity of something like a reality we are trying to repair—say saving our foundering marriage, get out of debt, straighten out a work conflict or find a job—we get overwhelmed and want to give up.  But life seems to have a funny way of dealing with us when we reject working hard to solve a problem. We run from the problem, but it runs with us, often at a faster pace. Hence the saying, “What you resist persists.”

     I have always gotten much better results with my reality changing efforts when I tried to see some positive purpose in a current adversity—a lesson from the pain. Such is the case with the current overload we are all drowning in. There is just too much to know and do and not enough time to do either. What is the answer? The lesson I have learned is that the harder I try to know and do all that I think I need to, the further behind I get. The challenge is not to know what to do or how to do it, as much as where do I start?

     There are two things we should all be trying to learn about, grow through and improve:

• Expanding our mental flexibility and open-mindedness to “read” reality better, without allowing imperfect thinking to contaminate it too much. This starts with a reality check that we really don’t know as much as we claim. That can occur quickly when you find out the assumption that one of your sacred beliefs is based on, isn’t as solid as you assumed.
• Becoming more thoughtful and sensitive to how we try to communicate our inner feelings about something important. This is the art of meaningful conversation and constant clarification of the words you use to convey your ideas.

Here are some failures of my own to inspire you to not give up on reality and your ability to make it better:

1.  There are no short cuts and every single one I tried, took me further from my goals and just wasted valuable time. Don’t waste time looking for short-cuts unless you have time to waste. Keep plowing though the overload until you see what really matters most and start doing it.

2.  Open-mindedness doesn’t occur in your mind, but rather in your heart. The more knowledge and wisdom I learned in my quest to be smart, the more close-minded I became, thinking all along I was very tolerant and liberal.

3.  Humility hurts but it is what helps us most. Continued over-identification with what you are convinced you know and your achievements leads to an ego that falls harder than Humpty Dumpty.   

4.  The only true guide you have is your conscience. When I finally started listening to my inner voice, I started feeling better and succeeding more; when I didn’t I got everything else.

5.  You can’t change other people and trying to only ends in frustration for everyone. When you accept people for who they are and they know that, they are more likely to grow into what you have in mind for them, on their own schedule. But don’t ever expect too much or you will be disappointed. Working on your own self makes more sense and gets better results.

William Cottringer, Ph.D. is President of Puget Sound Security in Bellevue, WA, along with being a Sport Psychologist, Reality Repair Coach, Photographer and Writer. He is author of several business and self-development books, including, Re-braining for 2000 (MJR Publishing), Passwords to the Prosperity Zone (Authorlink Press), You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too (Executive Excellence), The Bow-Wow Secrets (Wisdom Tree), and Do What Matters Most and “P” Point Management (Atlantic Book Publishers). This article is part of his new book Reality Repair Rx coming soon. Bill can be reached for comments or questions at (425) 454-5011 or bcottringer.pssp.net