SCHOOLBOY PROVES NASA PREDICTION IS WRONG

Hinkly Dinkly Reporting
With Catamaglostic News

BERLIN (AFP) - A 13-year-old German schoolboy corrected NASA's estimates on the chances of an asteroid colliding with Earth, after spotting the boffins had miscalculated.

Does anybody know what boffins means? My spellchecker suggests “buffoons” which seems to apply?

Actually I know it means a scientist, but I wanted to get the buffoon thing in there.

Nico Marquardt used telescopic findings from the Institute of Astrophysics in Potsdam (AIP) to calculate that there was a 1 in 450 chance that the Apophis asteroid will collide with Earth.

NASA had previously estimated the chances at only 1 in 45,000 but told its sister organization, the European Space Agency (ESA), that the young whizzkid had got it right.

It seems NASA had forgotten to move several decimal points...just kidding!

The schoolboy took into consideration the risk of Apophis running into one or more of the 40,000 satellites orbiting Earth during its path close to the planet on April 13 2029.

If the asteroid strikes a satellite in 2029, that will change its trajectory making it hit Earth on its next orbit in 2036 probably with a direct hit on Wall Street. News of this has already sent markets plunging.

Both NASA and Marquardt agree that if the asteroid does collide with Earth, it will bring about the end of civilization for everyone including Will Smith.

This reporter has foreseen an even greater peril befalling The Earth should the asteroid pinball into our maze of satellites. Obviously communications would be wiped out as well as satellite TV leaving us with cable. The greater horror would be on our highways where Tom Toms and other portable GPS car navigation systems would go haywire causing cars, trucks, motorhomes and all other motorized vehicles to collide in a huge catamaglostic conundrum that would gridlock our highways for years.

By the time the asteroid actually hit, nobody would even care anymore.

Editors note:
Once again this reporter suggests changing the word asteroid with hemorrhoid as the term seems to apply more aptly to the definition of the latter.

Hinkly Out!
By George