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D.L. Carroll

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I Love You, But I Am Not In Love With You...
By D.L. Carroll
Last edited: Saturday, July 28, 2012
Posted: Friday, April 17, 2009

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Recent articles by
D.L. Carroll

• 12 Days of Acts of Kindness
• 12 Fun Facts
• Evolution of the Sir Licksalot Series
• Evolving Thoughts
• Divine Compassion
• Remember Me
• Half Full, or Half Empty...
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What is your opinion?

What does that mean? I love you, but I am not "in love" with you.

It is true that many forms of love exist. The love for your family (blood is thicker than water), the love you have for your friends (always there for them), the love you have for your kids (unconditional) and the love you have for an intimate partner( romantic, sexual, passionate, deep love).

I've heard many female points of view and the reasons for thier use of the statement, I'm not "in love" with you. Things such as, "The intimacy and passion was gone. I felt it slip from a romantic love to a friendship love. I didn't want him to touch me anymore. "

Ironically men also use this statement too, yet still want to continue an intimate/sexual relationship with the one they are not "in love" with.

For all the men out there...what does a man mean when he says I love you, but I am not in love with you?

As I walk down the path of life I find that one person's definition is not the same as the others. More importantly, the opposite sex has a very different way of thinking and interpreting.

I feel like an odd ball in the world, my definition is very different all together. To me, love is love. You either love that person or you dont.  If you don't love someone then you like them. You either have a romantic love for someone or a platonic love for someone.  I have never heard anyone when expressing their love to say, "I in love you" we simply say, "I love you."

Maybe saying I'm not "in love" is a misconception and really means I am not "infatuated" with you any longer....we all know infatuation is a short lived emotion.

Or what one is trying to express is that the love stoped growing and became stagnant or status quo.  It isn't that you stop loving that person, you just cant grow that love any further for one reason or another. Love is a force that must  be free to continuously grow and develop. If confined or restricted, eventually love, the feeling of fullness, is replaced by a feeling of emptiness. 















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Reviewed by Alex Mahon 5/20/2012
I'd say the difference between love and in love are degrees of emotion. A bit like fancying somebody, but not loving them. If you have ever been in love you will know the difference. It's inexplicable except to say you go ga-ga over the object of your desires.
Reviewed by D. Vaineo 4/26/2012
D.L. I have used I love you, but I'm not in love w/you...for me the romantic love just quit and you still love that person, but it is not the same. I think love is complicated because there are so many
facets to it. People have their own definition anyways. Love is mysterious when you fall for someone. Perhaps we should just accept it for what it is. Loving someone for who they are.
Reviewed by Ch'erie de Perrot 4/25/2012
A wonderfully thought provoking article!
I think we all instinctively know whether or not we are "In Love" as compared to just loving someone with all the variants that love brings.
Between a Man & A Woman, it starts off with a Cupids arrow, the firelighter, and it crackles if there is that undeniable magnetism. However that is the Eros stage, and from there it must develop further, into an Agape Love! That is not to say that the Eros disappears,to the contrary, it may be a little dormant every once in a while or even for quite a while, but if Agape is present, then the spark will ignite again and again. We feel vibes from our partners, we sense their thoughts and feelings, we are bowled over by their pheromones, we are in short, turned on just by looking at them, and wish to tune in much more!! It is when a Potential cupids arrow seems to embed, but not deeply, and falls away after a time, without injecting the full measure of it's toxicity, thus Agape cannot grow from there. In other words, two ppl cannot grow, for once reason or another the mix just wasnt right, and no amount of wishing, hoping can make it. Two people either fall deeply into love or they don't. It is always wise to understand when this happens, and know to walk away, rather than try to flog a dead horse, setting oneself up for a miserable life, or time that is spent, where it could be much better spent elsewhere when we realize it just isnt happening. He's either into you, or he's not, or she's just not that much into you! Love is not complex, but peoples inability to realize what kind of love is made that way. We all need to be totally in touch with out emotions, and have a good dose of reality. Love or let go, whichever is the instinct.
Reviewed by Ron Dye 8/26/2009
Well Carroll I am a man so I will try to answer your question from that point of view. What you wrote was wonderful and I pretty much agree with you about love is love, but I'm not the average man.
That said I think "men" mean, that love has gone from a romantic love to a love like a family love without the attachment.

As far as the sex goes, I don't think there are too many guys who will not find an excuss to make love to his gal. There's always that one more time.

I always thought that saying "but I'm not 'in' love with you", was just some sick excuess to get out of a relationship without giving the real reason?
Reviewed by Katie Gabrielle 5/3/2009
I am no expert on this subject but I think that some people get confused as to what love really is. It isn't something that is rushed
and the only way to tell the difference between love and infatuation is
time. Infatuation is a strong attraction to someone that we feel like the world begins and ends with that person. After a while reality sets in and, of course, no one person can complete you. That is a tall order. Happiness is an inside job. You must love yourself
before anyone can truly love you. Love is a gift you give of yourself
to another. That is why when you are a whole person inside, you
give love unconditionally.
Reviewed by Linda Settles 4/26/2009
Perhaps you said it best when you contrasted a romantic love for someone with a platonic love. "In love" is (in my mind at least) a mutually exclusive relationship. My husband (of twenty-three years) ad I are "in love." Have been in love almost from first sight. People kept saying, "Oh, you're just infatuated. It'll wear off." Twenty-three years later the mutual exculsivity of the condition we call "being in love," is as srong as ever. I don't just love Michael, I am deeply in love with him--a love that is shared by no other. This could not be said of a platonic relationsip. You have asked a good question, D.L. I hope you find the answer you are looking for. :-)
Reviewed by La Belle Rouge Poetess Of The Heart 4/26/2009
I'm no expert but I think if you are in love you literally "adore" the beloved. You want to be with them, near them. Lust is a part of it, you want to touch them, make love with them but the lust stems from the admiration you feel for them and the spiritual and emotional bond you share. I believe that you can actually "Love" someone. Care about them, have their best interest at heart but not feel those same admiration, companionship and need to touch that you do with someone you are "In love with". There are many reasons why you can love someone but not be in love with them. A past history, a commonality of a shared life, a family you share, a desire to not bring pain to them even if you are on completely different emotional plains. Many other reasons I'm sure but these are some of my thoughts on the subject.
Reviewed by - - - - - TRASK 4/17/2009

Like My Momma Said Then: High School Girl Friend (Her Momma) Broke Us Up,i.e. It's Only puppy Love...

True Live Is..............Compassion...

Reviewed by Felix Perry 4/17/2009
I think this terminology refers to as you suggested infatuation...often years do deaden the desire of one person or the other in a relationship and it goes from not being able to stand being away from someone to knowing they are part of your life but not constantly on your mind. Is it lust only perhaps but often it is just the butterflies in the tummy so to speak that makes us "in love".


Books by
D.L. Carroll

Sir Licksalot & The Bay Fools

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Sir Licksalot & The Arctic Fools

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Sir Licksalot & The Island Fools

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Sir Licksalot & The Maverick Fools

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