MAKE GOOD TRAINING GREAT:
Start By Building Excellent Rapport
by
© Bill Cottringer & Van Sloan


A large manufacturing plant has a trainer who is an expert at a variety of new scheduling, inventory and billing programs. This organization has decided to make a significant change in present procedures. The older system is to be phased out over a 2-3 week period.

The trainer presents an excellent one-day training seminar on the new software program for a large number of employees who will be responsible for implementing these changes. There are excellent product demonstrations, good practice exercises and useful handouts. The trainer also makes good use of hi-tech audio-visual aids.

After following up on the actual impact of the training on employee's performance, a few problems were revealed. Primarily, making the transition to the new program took a month longer than originally expected. That delay resulted in a 10% reduction in income for the company.

What could have gone wrong in this training? The content of the training was excellent. However, what was lacking --and what is usually lacking in poor training-- was excellent context. Context includes all the intangible feelings that constantly swirl around the classroom every minute of the training. For example, how emotionally "safe" was the environment to explore disagreement? What did the trainer do to validate important contributions of trainees? How were philosophical or logistical conflicts resolved?

These are all examples of the training context. When context goes awry, the best content in the world will fall flat on its face. Even good trainers often disregard the importance of this phenomenon. Great trainers realize the value of attending to context. The first step in making good training great is to build excellent rapport.

In order to have the most positive influence with employees during training, trainers have to work at becoming master rapport builders. Excellent rapport helps establish the necessary positive emotional climate, which facilitates effective learning. This positive emotional environment is what aligns the goals and commitment of both the trainer and trainee into a common, productive bond. Without excellent rapport, the influence of a good trainer and the impact of quality training are diminished.

Rapport is a tricky thing to understand. That is because it is both a process-- a series of things you do, and an outcome-- the results you get from doing those things. In a sense you have to get lost somewhere in-between to establish good rapport. The fact is you often do it without realizing exactly how.

Rapport is a French word meaning, "to bring back." That definition is profound, for if we expect trainees to return the favor of understanding and applying the information, we must build exemplary rapport. Today we use the word rapport to represent "an especially harmonious connection between people." At the heart of rapport is trust. Without basic trust there is no rapport and without rapport learning is less predictable.

Considering the literal meaning of the word rapport, a better understanding might come about when we focus on restoring natural trust and removing unnatural barriers to it. With this in mind, the smart trainer will first focus on his or her immediate presence and manner, eliminate all chances of negative emotionality, and avoid any style of communication that has the tendency to create a defensive climate. Below are a few suggestions as to how to do this.

FIRST FOCUS ON YOUR PRESENCE AND MANNER

Do what it takes to appear confident, secure, relaxed, friendly and approachable. Be cheerful, happy and likable. Be courteous and respectful. Practice a genuine smile and pleasant voice. Lighten up and let your natural easygoing manner help people feel at ease. Employees often need to be reminded of the lighter, more positive aspects of work. Don't be too serious. Find a good joke or two to use appropriately.

Always dress and act fully professional. Your appearance is judged quickly and it will greatly influence your attempts to build rapport. Think about how you can appear your best by neither under or over-dressing and taking a little extra care in your grooming and hygiene. Look at your self in the mirror and check for the ways to make the smallest improvements that will get the biggest results in helping you appear pleasant.

Plan all these things ahead of time. Preparation is important and the more time you spend on thinking about your presence and manner and how you are likely to be perceived, the better the results. Your personal manner represents the first opportunity to build excellent rapport.

There are many personal qualities and people skills involved in the process of establishing good rapport. You have to know what motivates different people best, you have to understand what skills people have and which they may need, you have to become an excellent communicator, and you have to project confidence, honesty, likability, adaptability and credibility. The more you practice these things the less they will show as artificial or raise a red flag of distrust.

Focus on avoiding doing the things that interfere with good rapport, including your own efforts to rush it or display it artificially. Use that energy for the training preparation, which will have the biggest ROI.

For example, do some homework in finding all about your audience so you can make a better connection. What safety procedures do they already know? What is most important to them? You might find out a key issue that is their top priority at work— learning to read non-verbal communication. Or you might find out about a recent training approach that didn’t go over too well— bringing in an outside accounting specialist. Looking on the Internet to check for late breaking product information or cutting edge technology will greatly increase your perceived credibility and value. Also, “soften” any ideas or training exercises that might produce too much anxiety for your particular audience. The more you find out about the audience ahead of time, the better.

ELIMINATE NEGATIVE EMOTIONALITY

Probably the single best thing any trainer can do to have the best impact is to demonstrate his or her own positive emotionality, up-beat attitude, passion and excitement for others to see. Any behavior or communication that conveys negative emotions will prevent natural trust from emerging. The impact of positive role modeling cannot be over emphasized. Sometimes we dismiss the obvious too easily.

Keep in mind that over 70% of what people see, hear and experience today is of a negative spin. As a trainer trying to build good rapport, by just being positive you will make a valuable contribution to restoring a healthier balance. It will be noticed and appreciated.

All training classes have employees leaning toward the negative side of the job. They don't want to be there and you don't have anything to offer them. How you deal with these few trainees is the key that affects the other majority. By reacting to their negativity in a negative fashion (which is easy to do!), you are missing the opportunity to display your optimism when it can have the biggest impact. How you act in adversity is often what people notice most.

For example when a trainee objects to what you are saying and criticizes it as being too basic and simple, you might congratulate yourself on being able to communicate so well that it does appear so clear. Or, when someone complains that you are being too abstract about a best practice rapport-building principle, such as eliminating defensive communication, you might ask someone else in the class to explain a situation at work and then get the group to come up with some practical applications of the preferred supportive communication.

The ultimate goal of excellent rapport is peak intimacy. This is where people are very connected, trust is at its best and great communication occurs without words. In order to get to this desirable stage of development, you have to be willing to cross the great divide and learn how to deal with disagreement and conflict effectively. Really, the only way to do that is to assertively confront the conflict and look for positive ways of agreeing about disagreeing. In most conflicts, both parties may be a little right and a little wrong. As a trainer it is okay to occasionally be wrong. Admitting it shows you human side. Pointing out how you can both be right is even more powerful.

AVOID DEFENSIVE COMMUNICATION

One very significant barrier to establishing rapport is defensive communication. This is any communication, which conveys judgment, superiority, certainty, control, or insensitivity. Such communication represents attitudes that are a turn-off to everyone, as they just encourage further negative reactions.

In fact a defensive climate often shuts down communication altogether. People clearly prefer to be understood, accepted as they are, and remain reasonably free to make their own choices (and mistakes!). They also want be treated with equality and able to establish their own certainties.

As an example, it is very normal for the trainer to develop training goals and lesson plans and then unconsciously try to impose his or her expertise, and way of thinking and doing things. However, this would be communicating all the things that bread mistrust and create defensiveness, such as superiority, certainty and control.

Part of the journey of becoming a master rapport builder is to give up the dominant role of "teacher" and be more of an equal "learning partner." This is where you and trainees go to a neutral location, in establishing a common ground to begin the learning journey. You cannot influence another person for the better, without changing something about yourself in the process. As a trainer, what you often have to change is the psychological location from where you are training,

Also, it is a good idea to review important words you are planning to use. Make sure they don't have a negative connotation that will interfere with the point you are trying to make. I can remember using the term "symptoms" in reference to some indicators of great training. Too many people viewed this word in connection with disease, which was negative. Consequently, I lost the lighter meaning I was trying to emphasize, along with the point itself. Little mistakes like that can erode what rapport you have established.

WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?

So, what other positive things can you do to uncover natural rapport? Here are twenty-five best practice tips gathered from master rapport builders:


1. LEARN NAMES

Probably the quickest and easiest way to start building rapport is to know and use the names of trainees right away. I know I have always been impressed by a trainer who, said within five minutes of the opening, “Bill, what do you have to add to what Jennifer here just said?” Study the names of individuals on the roster and memorize them. Find a way to associate names with faces or backgrounds. Ask general questions by calling on specific people using their names.

2. CHECK YOUR EGO AT THE DOOR

Perhaps one of the biggest obstacles for achieving rapport is egotism. People do not enjoy or respect others who have big egos. Being an arrogant, self-centered know-it-all is the quickest way to get people to dislike you and tune you out. Being a good trainer, you know better than being this way. But even subtle, minor displays of ego will interfere with rapport and so you have to make a concerted effort to b e humble about all that you know and have achieved. If those things are really valuable, people will find out a little about them and ask you more.

3. ACKNOWLEDGE THE GROUP

One of the simplest things you can do to build rapport right at the start is to find a way to acknowledge the group of trainee’s. Consider taking a moment to praise them for the tough, thankless jobs they do, the length of training they are currently going through, their willingness to give up a weekend, their job performance, or something. You just have to summarize your genuine appreciation of them in a single sentence. Any way you can treat the individuals as a whole, equal group will help build rapport at that higher level.

4. RECOGNIZE THE DIFFERENT READINESS LEVELS.

People generally come into training at four different levels of readiness: (1) none at all due to a combination of poor attitude, lack of motivation and lack of skill preparation (2) partially ready in mind but not in heart (3) ready in motivation but not in required skills, and (4) really ready.

As a great trainer you have to acknowledge these different readiness levels and accommodate each with something, or risk losing people. Dealing with people where they are at conveys great understanding and is good for building rapport. Here's what these readiness levels look like, along with the particular response each needs:


Table 1.0 Trainer Responses to Four Levels of Participant Readiness


Mental (knowledge, skills)
Not ready Ready
Emotional
(Motivation, attitude)

Ready

INFORMATION

FREEDOM, ENCOURAGEMENT


Not ready

UNDERSTANDING

STIMULATION



5. GET AWAY FROM YOUR ROUTINE SETTING.

Whenever possible, establish the site of training away from work, even if it is just across the street at a motel meeting room. Good rapport is often much easier to establish in a neutral setting away from work. Cell phones, pagers and other interruptions can often be blatant reminders of the negative aspects of the work environment you are trying to change for the better. And new, unfamiliar environments often improve receptivity, which is good for rapport.

Moreover, always look for ways to make your environment more conducive to facilitating good rapport, rather than detracting from it. Eliminate intrusive barriers like large overhead projectors, arrange chairs for good interaction, make sure lighting and sound are good, and watch out for no windows or too many windows

6. USE HUMOR.

This rapport-building practice is so important, it is worth mentioning again separately. You don't have to be a stand-up comedian, but try seeing the events of the training session from a slightly off-centered view. Collect funny stories that summarize the training for openers and appropriate one-liners for taking the edge off periodically. Never take life too seriously because none of us are going to get out of it alive! In response to, "Oh really?" You might say, "We're not dating; I wouldn't lie to you!" Good humor goes a long way to establish a more relaxed and comfortable atmosphere.

7. READ THE LOCAL NEWSPAPER BEFOREHAND.

Try to arrange some time before the training session to browse through the local newspaper. This is especially helpful for out-of-town training sessions. The local newspaper may have a relevant story to help accentuate a critical point you are planning to make or you might just spot some interesting news to comment on as small talk to get to more important things later on. You may even see something to stay away from that might decrease rapport. One time I read that the local basketball team had just lost the state final and I had to modify a sport joke for better results.

8. BE TOTALLY AVAILABLE.

Always come early and stay late for private before and after discussions. Encourage people to contact you and make that easy for them with an abundance of contact means, including at your home phone number and e-mail address. Your unconditional availability conveys your genuine interest in people. Being at all "secretive" conveys suspicion and distrust.

9. CONSIDER TEAM TRAINING.

When two trainers have established good rapport with each other and are in sync mentally and emotionally, they can double the impact of building excellent rapport with trainees. Not only that, but their information gets doubly reinforced through complimentary weaving. When multiple speakers are doing training, it is a good idea for them to adjust some of their training to compliment what others are saying and to fit into a common theme that brings everything together.

10. PLAN OUT THE MOST IMPORTANT POINTS YOU WANT TO MAKE.

Communicate those few points in a variety of formats that reach participants visually, orally and kinesthetically. Reinforce these key points in a summary. Trying to cover too much material is a common mistake. Too much new information creates the potential for overload and confusion. Neither is good for building rapport, learning or developing better performance. You can never keep things simple enough, but the simpler you keep them the more confidence you will display. Also, be critical of doing things that might alienate people, produce too much anxiety or anything else that might be counter-productive to building good rapport. Anticipate such reactions to your material.

11. BE FLEXIBLE, ACCOMMODATING, UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVING.

Things rarely go as expected. Sometimes you have to be willing to meet people more than half way and sometimes you have use reverse gear. Such openness is an invitation that rarely gets turned down. Also don’t set your lesson plan in concrete. If you avoid the opportunity to take a side trip that you could be productive, just to cover your material, you may lose some people and the chance to make better points. A rigid, close-minded approach does nothing to foster rapport.

12. CREATE VALUE.

Find some way to create real value by giving something to the trainees that will benefit them personally. Such a "gift" will be priceless and reciprocated with enthusiastic learning and improved performance. Look for ways you can make life easier for employees. One valuable gift I gave a training class was helping them reduce their paperwork by suggesting a single signature page for acknowledgment of seven different policies. At that point I really had their ears.

Another way to create value is to let your audience in on a secret. For instance, telling people that they can easily improve their chances for success by increasing their likability or other social skills, will build their confidence and earn the trainer respect at the same time.

13. DO WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.

A powerful rapport building technique is to design your over-all training session to display everything you are talking about. Needless to say, this type of integrity and connection will improve learning outcomes too. For example, if your goal is to teach the concept of "rapport" you will want to make sure your training style and context are actually demonstrating excellent rapport for trainees to experience firsthand. Or, if you are training on time management, make sure you are following your own best advice! Consider eliminating any unnecessary training content or exercises that don't actually show what you are saying.

14. BE WILLING TO SHARE YOUR HUMANNESS.

Disclose things about yourself in the right doses and at the appropriate times. Exposing your own vulnerabilities, shortcomings and foibles is a good way to connect with others who have them too. Develop a repertoire of personal stories that show how you goofed but then turned a failure into a success. And, collect good stories from participants too. You may even want to share biographies of a few successful people who stumbled along their way, like Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison and Babe Ruth.

15. ASK PEOPLE ABOUT THEMSELVES.

Get people talking about themselves and take interest in what they say. Build on what they say to validate them and to connect your own ideas. Other people rarely care what you know until they know you care- for sure. Be more patient with people than you may want to be. Listen carefully and acknowledge that you understand what they are saying. Demonstrating such attention and self-control will always have a major impact on building interpersonal trust and good rapport.

16. REINFORCE POSITIVE BEHAVIOR.

When you get positive responses from questions in the beginning of training, make a big deal by rewarding them with some sort of verbal praise. This helps encourage and shape more of the same behavior that starts building synergy, which is rapport at its best.
When you get negative behavior try to ignore the spirit in which it is delivered and find something positive to comment on. If it is a denial or rejection, more information may be needed and if it is retaliation, you may need to stop everything and work on the relationship problem right then and there.

17. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR NON-VERBAL BEHAVIOR

Your non-verbal behavior-- facial expressions, hand gestures, body positioning, arm folding, eye contact, tone, and pace of voice, head nods, silence, smiling, etc. can all confirm or contradict verbal rapport building attempts. Make sure both are congruent and accentuate what you really mean to be saying. When you are not sure how to respond, control all non-verbal clues until you decide how to act.

18. MATCH AND MIRROR

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) research has uncovered the power of matching and mirroring the other person’s behavior in building a high level of rapport quickly. This process involves studying aspects such the person’s body posture, eye blink rate, facial gestures, voice amplitude, breathing, etc. and then carefully “mimicking” them back in a similar fashion and then eventually taking the lead, getting them to do the same with you. Needless to say, caution is urged with this technique.

19. TAKE ADVANTAGE OF TEACHABLE MOMENTS.

These are rare on-the-spot learning opportunities to directly apply what you are talking about. This is when trainees are most apt to listen closely and your sensitive, smart response will establish instant credibility and intense rapport.

For example there was a correctional officer who didn't understand the value of interdependence and teamwork, which were the main topics of training. The trainer arranged ten minutes for this particular officer to experience easy success at a singles table tennis match and then the failure of quick loss from not using good teamwork in a doubles match. The value of inter-dependence and teamwork became vivid and permanent in all the trainees' minds. Plus the rest of the training went extremely well because of the practical application.
20. SHARE PERSONAL INSIGHTS AND EXPERIENCES.

Use your own insights and experiences in bringing the training alive and relating it to everyday living. The more "real" and practical you are, the more people trust you. Letting trainees know you know what it is like trying to learn a new procedure that you don't particularly believe in, can go along way to bridge the gap between you and them.

Spend some time remembering the most influential experiences you have had in life and write them down. Uncover the lessons you learned and see where you can best use them in your training sessions.

21. VARY YOUR METHODS TO KEEP PEOPLE'S POSITIVE ENERGY UP.

Change the pace of active learning every fifteen minutes by a mixture of lecture, video, role-playing, paper-pencil exercises, overheads, strategic games, demonstration, group discussion and small group break-outs. Develop some intriguing questions to pose, which stimulate group discussion. Lively, productive discussions often build natural rapport between trainees that is extremely valuable in the learning process.

22. SERVE BOTH SIDES OF THE BRAIN.

Some trainees are more left-brained and may need precise rational and analytical explanations of concepts, whereas others are more right-brained and may prefer a little wiggle room with creative explanations, discussion of relationships and experiential learning. Make sure you are accommodating both groups with full-brained activities.

For example in training on conflict resolution, start out with an experiential introduction to the subject by staging an actual conflict (right-brain). Follow this up with a lecture of the concept of conflict and practicing various resolution techniques (left- brain). Conclude with brainstorming and discussing possible applications on the job (whole-brain).

23. BE QUICK TO OBSERVE AND LISTEN.

When things are not going as well as you would like because adequate rapport hasn't been established, it is better to know about that failure than not! As Yogi Berra said, "You can see a lot by observing." Be on the lookout for people's faces and body language indicating boredom, disagreement or other concerns that may need a proper response.

Also listen with both ears to catch what is being said from the noisy way it is being said, and both what is and isn't being said. For example, when trainees don't respond to a provocative statement such as "we forget about 90% of what we hear," they may not have understood what you just said or they may think you are being sarcastic.

24. REMEMBER WHAT IT IS LIKE BEING ON THE OTHER END.

Never forget what it is like being on the receiving end of training. Visit the mental world of the trainee frequently by seeking out a variety of training opportunities yourself and then remind yourself to practice the Golden Rule from that perspective. You can be your own best critic from this viewpoint. Make a list of good points to practice and bad points to avoid from your experiences as a trainee.

25. SEEK HONEST FEEDBACK

You can't ever assume that what you are doing is actually building rapport, without verifying it. To become a master at building excellent rapport, you have to find out what works for you and what doesn't. You have to develop a reliable toolbox and at the same time remain flexible in order to learn new things.

There is obviously a core group of skills that help build rapport, but each situation may be slightly different, and each trainer may be better at executing different rapport-building skills. All audiences are different with a variety of interests and expectations, which great trainers learn to adapt to. You may start out knowing everyone or no one, which will certainly make a difference.

Go one on one with selected individuals after the training and review what helped most and what put more distance between you and the trainees. Learn from what you hear and practice what you learn.

Focus on yourself and develop a natural rapport-building manner, work to anticipate and eliminate the most common negative emotional barriers to trust, and practice some of these helpful suggestions from the experts. You will become a master rapport builder and your training will go from good to great. But be prepared to give a lot and learn much in the process. That will be your clue that you are making progress.

Resources

Berlo, D. The Process of Communication. NY: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, 1960.
Brookfield, S.D. The Skillful Teacher. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1990.
Buskist, W. and Saville, B.K. “Rapport-Building: Creating Positive Emotional Contexts for Enhancing Teaching and Learning.” Observer, American psychological Society, Vol. 14 No. 3, March 2001
Carnegie, D. How to Won Friends and Influence People. NY: Simon & Schuster, 1936.
Hall, E.T. The Silent Language. NY: Doubleday, 1959.
Lowman, J. Mastering the Techniques of Teaching. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 1995.
Richardson, J. The Magic of Rapport. Capitola, CA: Meta Publications, 2000.
Rogers, C.R. “Barriers and Gateways to Communication.” Harvard Business Review, 30, July 1952, 46-52.
Spiegel, J. Flirting for Success: The Art of Building Rapport. NY: Warner Books, 1995.
Stone, D.F., Heen, S. and Patton, B. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most. Penguin Books, 2000.


William Cottringer is a business consultant, college teacher, sport psychologist and writer from St. Louis, MO. He is also author of You Can Have Your Cheese & Eat It Too. He can be reached at (314) 531-2000 or ckurtdoc.charter.net. Van Sloan, Stanford MBA, is an Educational and General Management Consultant in the San Francisco area. He can be reached (415) 389-8460 or VanSloan.yahoo.com.