I've had many experiences, feelings, thoughts and adventures throughout the years, yet I still have no answers. I remember back when I was 12 or 13 years old wondering what it was all about. Why were we here? Why was I here. What was the purpose of all the things around me, or the purpose of the Universe for that matter? Those things were all a mystery to me then.
Now here I am at the end of my 53rd year of life on earth some 40 years later, still wondering the same things. I figured way back when I was young that I'd be sure to find some, if not most of the answers by the time I got old. From the looks of things, it seems that I'm going to run out of time long before I get even one answer. I'm beginning to wonder just how important is it to know anyway. What if I did know? Who would listen, or believe me if I tried to tell them? I strongly suspect no one would.
I'm afraid that for every answer I did get, more questions would arise causing the need for more answers. Some would look at me and say just another case of mid life crisis, but if this were true , I would never have wondered these things in my early years. Why do we have this insatiable need to have answers anyway? We're never going to get them, yet we persist.
I've watched people do great harm to others and wondered what that was all about. People are trying to kill us for no other reason than for religious belief, or lack thereof. I cannot understand how anyone could be against freedom of life, freedom of thought, freedom of religious choice, and all the other freedoms that we in the United Stated of America enjoy and hold so dear, freedoms I would think that anyone would intuitively want. I suspect that I will never know the answer to this either. I just know that it is. Maybe that's the answer, just knowing that it is.
Man has occupied this earth for thousands upon thousands of years and the only constant is his desire to wipe out others of his own kind. I don't understand this no matter how hard I try. It simply makes no sense. Maybe I shouldn't use reason to try and figure out unreasonable things, but I know no other way.
If I make it to my 54th year, or my 64th year I doubt that I will be any closer to an answer to these questions than I am now. I only know that I trudge on watching things and acts which make no sense. Am I disillusioned? Should I look the other way and shut my eyes, since I know it's not going to stop? I know now what they meant when they said we have but a temporary reprieve and we must keep vigilante, for as long as there are humans on earth, they will continue to kill other humans. This has certainly been made clear to me, though I wouldn't go so far as to say it was an answer.
Ron Cox

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