REAL NEWS!

Hinkly Dinkly Reporting
Standby For News!

Headline
MYSTERIOUS RADIO SIGNALS COMING FROM DEEP SPACE

Earth…Astronomers have revealed details of mysterious radio signals emanating from a distant galaxy.

So far, scientists have detected about 60 single Fast Radio Bursts, known as FRBs, and two that repeat. They believe there could be as many as a thousand FRBs in the sky every day.

There are a number of theories about what could be causing them.
They include a neutron star with a very strong magnetic field that is spinning rapidly, two neutron stars merging together, and, among a minority of observers, some form of alien civilization or spacecraft.

This reporter is going with the alien civilization/spaceship theory and figure if they happen everyday they’re probably broadcasting the news or the weather. Regardless, it comes from way out in Space so whoever sent them is probably dead by now or really old. In any event, it’s not raining anymore in their neck of the woods.

Report…Though their source might be an advanced extraterrestrial civilization, the precise nature and origin of the blasts of radio waves is unknown.
Among the 13 FRBs, was a very unusual repeating signal, coming from the same source about 1.5 billion light years away.

Are you kidding me? 1.5 billion light years? That’s longer than to the moon and back.

Hinkly Out.

Professor Penwose, Kiwi

I’ve been asked to confer, so I concur. Extraordinary claims beg for extraordinary answers.

I don’t know how they came up with such a figure as 1.5 billion light years? That is a fantastic number. For us to understand it we must know what a light year is.

Although we’ve deemed it a year, a light year is a measurement of distance, not time, although it reflects the time it takes to get to the distance.

There are no light years on Earth. Earth is much too small. All light years dwell in Space, the Universe.

A lightyear is the distance that light travels in one year, in the vacuum of space, measured by a mathematical point of view. The actual distance is speculated at 5.9 trillion miles, although no one has actually stepped it off.

To achieve a figure we can understand, we must multiply 5.9 trillion miles by 1.5 billion light years to realize the actual distance in miles the source of the radio waves originated from. I’m not going to do it because I don’t really care, and I’ll tell you why.

As previously stated I have no idea how they come up with such outlandish figures?

All that concerns us is how this concerns us?
A question easily answered…it doesn’t!
There is absolutely no relevance to us in the slightest.

Let’s look at the worst possible scenario. Let us suppose the radio waves are a warning of impending doom by attacking aliens with a penchant for annihilating humanity. Should we be concerned?

Absolutely Not! They were broadcast billions of years ago! They are billions of years older than the ancient Egyptians or Mayans or maybe even my mother-in-law?

If you are concerned about them, don’t be.

We are safe…for now.

Penwose Out,
By George
Rosebud
NoPo8