Are you kidding me?

Penwose Speaks of Hospital Humor

My first days in the hospital for surgery were not without a few smiles.
When I reported, they took me to a room in The ICU and told me that would be my room for the time I was there. I was also told to “Get Ready,” by changing into a gown, and lie on the bed. For those of you who/whom are unfamiliar, the gowns go on backwards, with a big opening in the back.
There are two ties, an upper and a lower. I always tie the upper before slipping the gown over my head. I can never seem to get the lower part fastened, but apparently it doesn’t matter as they eventually remove it anyway.
I always like to “Start Fresh,” so before I started changing, I looked around for a toilet. There was none in the room.
I went into the hall and looked around. After seeing no “Restroom” signs I asked a nurse at “The Desk,” where the facilities were? She said, “Go down the hall, make a left, go to the end, make another left, then two rights, then ask somebody.”
I may have exaggerated a bit?
By the time I found it, I REALLY had to go.
I had a hard time finding my way back to my room. I remember thinking, if I had to do that every time I got up in the middle of the night I was in trouble.

Back in my room they were wondering where I was? Everyone was there including the nurse from, “The Desk.”
I told them where I was and she said she didn’t know I was a patient?
I told her I went before changing into the gown because I didn’t want my butt hanging out. I plan these things well from experience.
She said there was a toilet in the room.
“NO there isn’t,” I said waving my arms around, in a look this way gesture.
“Yes there is.”
“Where?”
“Under the sink.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“NOPE, a toilet is under the sink.”
Everyone ran out to answer a Code Blue, or something? I was there alone. There was a cabinet under the sink. I opened a door and saw a swing-out toilet.
You could have knocked me over with a feather. What will they think of next?
The first time I had to use it, the nurse said, "Here are some wipes. Don't flush them, they clog up the toilet. Just throw them on the floor and I'll get them."
I asked, "Why don't you just use toilet paper?"
"Housekeeping didn't get around yet today."
Next time there was toilet paper.
If everyone incorporated these swing-out toilets, we could virtually eliminate bathrooms. Of course that would “Change the complexion,” of kitchens.
“I want a Fudgesicle!”
“Your Dad is using the kitchen.”
“I’ll wait till tomorrow.”

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8