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  Home > Humor > Articles Popular: Books, Stories, Articles, Poetry      Authors: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z     

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Did our duty

We VOTED! 2020
Did our duty…sent a mail-in ballot.

Actually this is me, Professor Ambrose Penwose, Kiwi, acting as proxy for George, which I do not understand since the ballot is posted?

It is hoped I did everything right. I would not want the ballot to get thrown out.

What a conundrum! Now I see why George passed it off to me.

Usually you can vote either Republican or Democrap and you’re done in two seconds, (Including erasing.)

This year in Nevada there are a ton of new seats being filled.
There were two LONG pages, with voting on both sides.
I looked through all of the accompanying paperwork for anything pertinent and found nothing, except Trump’s stickem-note plea to vote for his unprecedented third term in 2024.
It always bewilders me how a president can be unprecedented.
I looked for destructions and found none, so I figured I plunge ahead on my own which is often suitable.

Every block said Vote For One. There were little squares that had to be colored in. I suppose a check mark was too easy?
I used my trusty, and permanent, Sharpie pen. Nobody was going to change our vote.
This was a simple task in most cases of two or more candidates. There was always a last square called, “Neither,” which usually swayed my vote.

The tough one’s were solo candidate’s. The panel still said “Vote For One,” yet there only was one. Why would we have to vote for someone with no adversary? Should they not just win?

I saw this as a sly political ploy to throw out our ballet for not following directions that said, “Vote For One,”…so we voted for one!
We colored in every square with one candidate. Most of them I never even heard of. There was, Mafia Boss…obviously nobody ran against him. Godfather…ditto. Hitman, (3 seats,) there were several oppositions but they were canceled out. Crap Shooters, Shills, Numbers Runners, and on down the line.

We knew none of them but voted for all of them. I got my daughter back.

After I finished the first page I saw, “Continue on back.”

I flipped it over and saw that my Sharpie had bleeded through the cheap paper. What could I do? Water over the dam…DAM!

Spellchecker says I spelled bleeded wrong. How else can you spell bleeded. There’s bleed, then ed after it bled?

I resolved myself to the fact that the ballot would be bled and continued.

There was one candidate I did recognize…Mary Perry! I’ve long since grown sick of her commercials…”Who’s Mary Perry?…I’m Mary Perry!”
Who’s not getting our vote…Mary Perry!

After about an hour I was already done and ready for send off. I looked at the enclosed self-addressed envelope. It was pre-paid.
That’s what really did it for us.

There was a Privacy Shield included to slip the ballot into before inserting in the envelope. The ballot would not slip into the shield, so I opened it.

There were the destructions! Printed inside the stupid privacy shield. Who’s the idiot who thought that one up?

The biggest instruction I saw was, “No felt tip pens.”

So, after all of that, it looks like our ballot will get thrown out afterall.
We’ll know, if our guy wins!

Penwose Out,
By George
NoPo8


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Reviewed by Ronald Hull
Reviewed on October 16, 2020
I too, elected to mail my ballot after thoroughly microwaving it upon receiving it from who knows who touched it before it arrived at my house with many fingerprints and DNA.

There were disruptions. One said to make an X in the box provided in only one. That left me with two questions: what if I filled it in like you were instructed? What if I liked two candidates and marked them both? Would my ballot be thrown out?

After putting my ballot in the inner envelope, I was asked to sign on the outer envelope. I had heard that they were checking signatures to stop Trump's illegal double dippers. My signature has changed drastically since my official signature was recorded. It isn't dementia, it's St. Vitus Dancia making my signature look like some kind of wiggly squiggles. So I had a steady hand write my signature below so they can know that in his me--I think. There goes my vote! I see it headed for the shredder live on the Internet right now.

Ron

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