Oh, the humanity!

Oh, the humanity! How low will we go?
On a day that will live in infamy, (If I knew what day it was?) Somebody stole my mailbox.
Can you believe it?
It’s true . I am not hallucinating…although I thought I was when I first did not see it, but then I remembered hallucinating is seeing things that are not there, not not seeing things that are not.
I was briefly relieved until I realized, MY MAILBOX IS GONE!

Actually, it is more than my mailbox. There are others involved. It is a slew of mailboxes.
I Googled it to find exactly what it was. Here is what Google had to say…
A cluster mailbox, or a cluster box unit (CBU), is a form of centralized, communal mail delivery equipment. These types of mailboxes are freestanding and pedestal-mounted. They contain 8, 12, 13, or 16 individually locked mailboxes and parcel compartments.
An anagram…how drool.

Who/whom could have done such a thing? What would compel someone to steal a mailbox? There are probably a lot of probables?

Perhaps a disgruntled Postal Employee, who could not afford a gun?
I am disgruntled myself. I used to be perfectly gruntled until this happened, yet I do not go around stealing mail boxes.

I thought for a moment and was struck with a brilliant idea. I rushed home and sifted through my stuff until I found what I was looking for, my Teenage Mutant Ninja Jr. Detective Kit, that I had kept all these years for such an occasion.
It was dusty as was expected. I opened the lid, it was dusty inside. My fingerprint dust was dusty. I could not distinguish fingerprint dust from dust?

I went to the scene of the crime to dust for prints, but there was nothing there to dust. I dusted the ground around for footprints but all that showed up were a few pigeon tracks. The detective kit was useless, yet I kept it for a similar future occasion, after dusting it.

I took one last look at the scene.
In yet another mystery, the bolts were put back in their holes…but one was missing? I’m thinking a passer-by needed a bolt?
I realized then that this could be a perfect crime.

I have never been Number One in my life. Several years ago, The Post Office, (I think?) replaced my tiny little cluster box unit (CBU) with a brand new bigger cluster box unit, (From here on in known strictly as CBU.)
Unbenounced to the world I had the Number One Box. I was Numero Uno for the first time in my life.
I did not question it and the key fit, so I kept it to myself for fear of, “An Adjustment.”

Little did I know someone would steal the entire CBU.
I just know I will not be Number One when it is replaced.
Nobody gets two number one mailboxes in one lifetime.

What can the culprits do with a CBU? I’m sure they do not do well on the black market, and (What do they call those guys who buy and sell stolen stuff?…Back to Google…a Fence!)…Yes, A Fence would have no use for it. He might regift it, but he could never resell it.

I will check out Flea Markets!
I know you are saying I will probably find hundreds of CBUs? How will I know which one is mine?
I will take along my key!

Penwose Out,
By George