BLAMING GOD
(I DON’T BELIEVE – REVISITED)
I once wrote a poem titled, I DON’T BELIEVE.
I wrote it after my wife had passed away
(at the early age of 40) from breast cancer.
Together, we had tried so hard to believe.
We had prayed together, attended church
(over the years, several different churches)
and once we realized just how affected she was,
even visited with several faith healers.
She had put herself out there,
had allowed them to,,,,
“Lay hands” on her,,,, to “HEAL” her.
…Then she died….
I was devastated.
We both had known that it was a possibility,
but she had always maintained hope,
right up to the very end.
Or, did she?
Perhaps she was only staying strong for me.
And, for those around her.
She had that quality about her.
At some point in time, I had seen it coming,
but I never discussed it with her.
I never discussed it with anybody.
But, I knew….
I blamed God….
Even as I wrote, I DON’T BELIEVE,
I was blaming him….
I've never stopped....
Looking back, it’s hard to figure.
how could I be blaming the very entity
that I was professing not to believe in?
But, I did…. I still do…..
Now it’s nearly 25 years later….
My youngest son just died….
Unexpectedly,,,,,
in his sleep.
He was 42 .
He left behind a 17 year old daughter
in her junior year of high school,
named in honor of her grandmother.
This was a good man,
honest, loyal and loving.
Anyone who ever got to know him
would consider him a friend.
He could do anything and everything
and he had the tool that was needed to do it.
If a friend was in need of a helping hand,
he was always “Johnny on the spot.”
Was he a perfect person?
No, not even close,
but he was a damn good man,
with a lot to live for and a lot more to give.
And……
After all these years,,,
professing to not believe,
I find myself again,,,, blaming God.
THE AFTER LIFE
(As I see it)
(“ ? ”)
© 2011 Richard Lee King. All Rights Reserved.
Author of: A Pursuit of Life & The Price of Freedom
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Donna
Peace
Tony
I am sorry for you and your family's loss of loved one's. Sometimes there are no words that can compensate for grief. The pain can become a matter of degree, only eased by what you're lovingly thankful for today. Peace ;)
Morgan
is real. Again, i express my condolences for the loss
of your son and indeed your wife at such early ages.
Finding strength is a challenge and i wish you courage
and healing.
Take good care.
John
fee
I'm so sorry if this is auto-biographical Richard. Oh how unbearable!
Christine
Painful to read....I suspect it must have been incredibly hard to write....Oner wonders where God is when something senseless happens...It is so difficult to. believe that there is purpose in the senseless...I am not going to try and convince you. I would just like to walk with you....Thank you for sharing...
Chip Bergeron